


The Way Back To You

by Bloodredstar



Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: Alternate Continuity, Drama, F/M, Gen, Post-Anime, Romance, Sealed Card Continuity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2018-10-22 14:24:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 62,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10698867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bloodredstar/pseuds/Bloodredstar
Summary: Finally returning to Hong Kong after his mission, Li Syaoran must face the consequences of his failed mission and fight for his own happiness. Starts right after the TV series ended.





	1. The Ride Back Home

 

It was 2 o’clock in the afternoon local time when the plane carrying Syaoran and Wei arrived in Hong Kong. It had taken them another thirty minutes to collect their luggage and pass the airport security checks.  His mother had arranged for a private car to pick them up and take them to the Li mansion, a ride that would take an hour or two, depending on the traffic. Syaoran knew this, so it was there in the passenger seat that he sat quietly, gazing outside as the view of the cityscape passed by but not really seeing it.  He would use whatever time he had left before reaching the mansion to contemplate how he was going to explain everything to his mother. The thought had been momentarily replaced by the joy he felt when Sakura came to see him off, but now that he arrived in Hong Kong, it was time to deal with it again.

Her phone call yesterday had been short and precise; he was to return to Hong Kong the next day. Bookings for his departure and the paperwork with his school in Tomoeda were of course, already arranged.  Now that the Clow Cards were fully under the possession of Sakura Kinomoto and forever out of the Li clan’s reach, there was no reason for him to stay there as far as the Li Elders were concerned.  Moving him to Tomoeda was a costly move in the first place, one the Elders had hoped would bear fruit.  That he would have to report his failure to his mother and the Elders went unsaid, but he knew it would come soon enough when he came back. Syaoran had heard every word of it and accepted grudgingly. It was his only option.  He had mentally kicked himself afterward for not being prepared that the call would be coming sooner or later, and these thoughts were now resurfacing as he sat in the back of the car.

_‘You idiot’_ he thought to himself. ‘ _What did you think they were going to do? Let you stay there forever? It’s a wonder you were even allowed to stay after the Final Judgement. You’ve been so caught up in your feelings that you forgot the world around you. You should’ve known better, at least you could’ve prepared for it.’_  With a deep breath,  Syaoran pushed these thoughts aside. There’s no use for self-pity now. He would need to think as clearly as possible to face his current problem.  Besides, even if he had been more aware he doubted he would be any less confused than he is now.

His mother would be the one to question him first. She had been acting as his ‘handler’ during his mission to capture the Clow Cards, asking him for updates on his progress before relaying them to the Li Elders. He would have to report to her before anyone else and expected to be harshly reprimanded for his performance.  Next would come the Elders, who had invested everything in him to retrieve the cards for the Li clan. Despite boasting their family heritage to Clow Reed, the Li Clan knew little about the man, and when word arrived that a powerful artifact of his had been found, they were all too eager to send Syaoran to catch them.  He had been proud then, that they would trust his powers enough to send him on such an important mission. The possibility that he would fail had been the furthest thing from his mind. Now, he would have to face them both about it.

Except he hadn’t really failed, had he?  Not if the whole thing had been set up against him. Clow had placed everything in favor of Sakura being the heir to the Cards and had made sure she had help throughout. Syaoran had entered the mission with a disadvantage set up long before his birth. His brow furrowed as he contemplated this sudden thought. He could go with that excuse, but-

_‘But that wouldn’t be true"_ he thought. ‘ _Time and time again we found ourselves in difficult situations, but Sakura always found a way. To say that the whole thing was rigged isn’t fair to her. With or without Clow’s assistance, everything that happened wouldn’t have been possible if it weren’t for her unwavering strength and determination. Even if I used that excuse, I assisted her in capturing some of the Cards. I’d be as much to blame as Clow Reed for helping her in that case.’_

This brought Syaoran to a much more comfortable train of thought, and he found himself smiling for the first time since they got back.  There was another reason he couldn’t say he had failed, because he had found something much more precious to him than the Cards or even his clan’s approval; Sakura Kinomoto.  As her rival for the Cards, she had no reason to befriend him, especially after the way he treated her when they first met. Even so, she attempted to befriend him though he initially pushed her away, and he is grateful she did. Her warm and caring personality had slowly but surely started affecting him in ways he couldn’t have imagined. He had slowly dropped his guard to her and became more open and friendly with others. Before he knew it, he was slowly becoming less invested in getting ahead of her and more concerned with her well-being.  Catching the Cards became less and less important compared to her that by the time she finally became their true master, whatever disappointment he did feel was greatly overshadowed by the happiness he felt for her.  Being happy for someone else was something Syaoran had never felt before, and after much confusion and help, he finally found that he was also happy to be _with_ her, to be close to her and be someone that she trusts.  And when he finally confessed his feelings to her, she had finally accepted them. She had come to the airport at the last second to see him off. She had accepted the bear he made for her. She had-

‘ _FOCUS!!!’_ stressed the voice in his head, which reflexively shook, as if to throw the thought out of his mind. He closes his eyes to will himself to focus. ‘ _This is not the time to be gushing over her, no matter how good it feels. You have more pressing matters to attend to. What are you going to say to your mother and the Elders? That you failed to capture the Clow Cards because you fell in love with the person you were competing for them over? You know how that stupid that sounds? What makes you think they will stand for this?’_  No, they wouldn’t. But at the same time, this was as close to the truth as it gets.  And while he would definitely receive a lot of heat for this, so would any other excuse he came up with. The fact of the matter is, they are going to be disappointed no matter what he did.  He pushes his eyelids shut more intensely and tries to think. Maybe there’s a way to phrase it as to lessen the consequences that was coming. ‘ _Alright, think. I still have some time le’-_

“Master Xiaolang”, said a voice next to him. “We’re here.”

Syaoran turned to Wei, who was sitting beside him with an expression of amusement on his face. Through his shock he barely registered that Wei had started calling him by his Chinese name before letting out a single word.

“WHAT?!!!”

Syaoran looked out the window. Sure enough, the car had entered the gate of the Li compound and was making way to the familiar driveway of the mansion. He stared as the shape of the familiar white building slowly became larger as they neared it, wondering how, even if he had been so caught up in his own thoughts, that he didn’t see it. Finally, the car made a stop in the front porch of the mansion. As Wei made to open the car door, he smiles at Syaoran .

“Welcome home, young Master”, he says cheerfully.

Syaoran sighs dejectedly and makes to exit the car too. Welcome home, indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there. Thank you for reading this story. Hope you liked it. I plan to make more, covering Syaoran's feelings throughout the time he's separated from Sakura. As of posting the second chapter is completed and I'm working on the third, but I only posted the first one to see the reaction first. 
> 
> Some background: I wanted to explore Syaoran's POV from the time after the end of the TV series leading up to the movie. There wasn't a lot of fanworks from this angle though I did find a good one in this site called Finding Peace by Lediz, which had a similar premise of Syaoran dealing with his family. This was supposed to be a one-shot but then I found there were more ways to explore so I decided to divide it to chapters.
> 
> Anyway here it is, my first fanfic. Obviously I do not own Cardcaptor Sakura or it's characters, they are property of CLAMP. Do comment and leave kudos if you enjoyed. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.


	2. A Crowded Welcome

Syaoran stood at the doorway of the mansion holding his bag in one hand, luggage in the other. Wei stood next to him his own luggage in hand, watching the young boy as he gazed intently at the door.

“Shall we enter?” he enquired.

“Give me a minute.” The boy replied.

Wei stayed silent but nodded understandingly.

Syaoran smiled at his butler before shifting his gaze back to the big white double door in front of him, which led to the house he grew up in, the house that he hadn’t seen for a year now. He noted the familiarity of the door, and imagined the familiar sights he would see within; the entryway he would see upon opening the door, the large living room where he would often sit and read during his free time, what little of it there was, the expansive gardens where he would play as a child, and later where he was taught and practiced his martial arts and magic skills, his own bedroom, a simple room with a single bed and a desk beside it to study, and countless other memories. This was his home.

And yet, even as a part of him noted and missed it’s familiarity, the sight of the huge white house filled him with dread unlike anything he ever felt before, because Syaoran knew what  waited for him inside. Born with strong latent magic power, Syaoran had lived his life up to now in service of his Clan, who had placed high expectations in him. And he had always met those expectations, no matter the cost. But the capture of the Clow Cards had been his first _real_ test in the field, and he’d failed it. He would have to face the disappointment of those who had put their hopes in him.

Summoning all the courage he had, Syaoran willed himself not to go running out the mansion gates. He would have to face them no matter what, and he would do it just like when he was battling the Clow Cards or the magics of Eriol/Clow Reed. He was a warrior, and warriors don’t back down. This was not a battle that can be won with his blade or magic, but Syaoran now knew the strength of one’s heart is as important, if not more so, than the strength of one’s body. His time in Tomoeda had taught him that.

 _She_ had taught him that.

“Let’s go in, Wei.”

 

* * *

 

“I’m home.” Syaoran said as he opened the door and entered.

“WELCOME BACK XIAOLANG!!!!” came the reply as four voices squealed together in unison.

Syaoran had barely anytime to react as four young women immediately surrounded him and hugged him fiercely while covering his face with kisses, causing him to drop his bag and luggage. His sisters had been lying in wait for him; two in front of the door, the other two behind the door, ambushing him like predators would their prey. Fitting, he thought, as right now Syaoran definitely felt like he was being torn apart by wolves. Wei had instinctively dodged out of the way and was watching contentedly at the commotion.

“Argh!!! Stop it!!! Let me go!!!” Syaoran said, all the while struggling to get the four-woman grip off him.

“We’ve missed you so much, Syaoran!!!” said Feimei, who had broken off her kissing assault and was screaming near his ears.

“How was Japan? Did you bring us anything?!!!” came Fuutie next.

“Did you grow taller? You did, didn’t you?!!!”  Shiefa followed.

“Ohh my, our little wolf has grown up!!!”  Fanren said with a hint of teasing in her voice.

This continued on for a minute, each girl asking a question or making a remark, sometimes at the same time, leaving Syaoran’s ears ringing from their shouting. He had forgotten just how loud his sisters can be when they put their minds (and mouths) to it. Still, in a weird way, he had missed these little interactions. And funnily enough, they would be the most peaceful family interaction he would have, if his mother and the Elders have anything to say about it. The thought that this chaotic scene was his calm before the storm made him smile despite himself. As his sisters were losing steam, he gently touched their arms, which were still hugging his collar.

“I’ve missed you all too”, he said softly.

His sisters stared wide-eyed at him, fazed by his uncharacteristic display of affection. The shock quickly wore off however, as they renewed their assault on him, touched by his words. Syaoran decided he regretted showing his affection, since it had refueled their spirit and they had tightened their grip around him like a python, their tears of joy soaking his cheeks and the collar of his jacket. This would’ve continued on but the sudden aura that approached told Syaoran and his sisters who was coming. Syaoran tensed up immediately. The sisters let go of their grip of Syaoran and stood two on either side of him to let him face the person approaching.

Soon enough, the imposing figure of Yelan Li appeared in front of them. She wore her standard light purple robe with a blue sash tied around her waist. Her hair was tied with her ornament in her usual ponytail. She held her fan in her right hand, putting in front of her chest, giving her a regal appearance like an empress. She stood there watching him, and Syaoran could feel the piercing gaze of her narrow eyes. It never failed to unnerve him, and not for the first time he felt as if she could see his very soul.

“Welcome home, Xiao Lang”, she finally said, her pale face barely moving at the words. She then glanced at the butler standing by the door. “You too, Wei”, she spoke. He bowed to her, “It’s good to be home, Mistress Yelan.” She smiled lightly at the butler before turning her eyes back on her son. Syaoran could never tell whether she was upset or not or even how upset she was when he did, and that had always disturbed him. Still, he managed to steady his speech somewhat.

“It is good to be home, Mother.” Syaoran said while bowing, trying to stay as calm as possible.

“I trust your journey was uneventful”, she stated.

Syaoran knew that she meant if everything was in order, but he couldn't help but question her choice of words. Did she know something had happened? “Yes, it was.” _Anything but,_ he finished in his mind, flashing back to Sakura meeting him at the airport. He felt a smile forming at the corner of his lips and barely managed to stop it. His mother had always been perceptive, and he couldn’t risk himself betraying his emotions now.

If Yelan Li had noticed anything she wasn’t saying.  “Very well then”, she continued. “You may retreat to your room for the evening. We shall be having dinner at the usual time, after which you will report to me about your mission in Tomoeda.”

“As you wish, Mother”, Syaoran replied. She was straightforward as usual.  At least he knew the time he had left to think. Dinner in the Li household was at 7 p.m, leaving him with more or less three hours to unpack, shower, and straighten his thoughts.

As she walked away and disappeared from view, Syaoran felt his shoulders slump, and he released a breath he did not know he’d been holding. Wei went ahead to put Syaoran’s luggage and bag in his bedroom, leaving the siblings alone in the entranceway. His sisters looked at him sympathetically. All of them could only begin to imagine the situation he was in right now. After living under the same roof with Yelan Li for so long, they knew very well how stressful their mother could be, and that’s without the added pressure of the Elders and magic. That kind of pressure could break a grown man and yet here Syaoran was, an 11-year old boy with the weight of the world thrust upon him.

Desperate to break the awkward tension hanging in the air, Fuutie cleared her throat and finally spoke up, “Oh, by the way, Meiling’s here.”

“Oh, is that so?” Syaoran replied rather distractedly.  Meiling being in their house wasn’t a special occasion after all. Even after she cancelled her engagement with him, he had it on good word that she still visited from time to time.

“Yeah, and she said wants to see you.  She seemed really angry about it too. Something about you being a dense idiot.” Fuutie said, looking puzzled. She knew Meiling had a fiery personality, but she had never seen the girl furious at Syaoran, who was supposed to be the object of her infatuation. “What did you do, Xiaolang?”

That got his attention. “What? I haven’t done anything. Why would she be-” he began but was cut off as the girl in question finally appeared where his mother had just stood moments ago.  Her crimson eyes locked on to Syaoran, brimming with rage, before she made her way to approach him, stomping as she did. Syaoran could feel the shockwave of her steps through the floor of the mansion getting closer as she finally stopped before him. His sisters cleared a path for her, not wanting to get involved in whatever dispute they were having.

“Uh, Hi Meiling”, Syaoran spoke rather unsteadily. His mind was working on overdrive, trying to think of a reason for her to be this mad at him. He pushed on “I’m home. I just got her-“

“IDIOT!!!” she yelled, loud enough to shock the people present in the room. Syaoran was so stunned by her sudden outburst that he didn’t react when she delivered a strong kick to his right shin. Pain immediately coursed where her foot, a foot _well-trained in martial arts_ , had made contact with his own. Syaoran reflexively lifted his leg to let his hand soothe the pain, leaving him hopping on one foot.

“What was that all about?!” Syaoran shouted, annoyed at her sudden attack. Meiling only huffed and looked at him with her fiery glare before she spoke. “You! Me!!Talk!!!NOW!!!!”

Syaoran was about to ask what she wanted to talk about but his cousin had already seized his hand and was now dragging him further inside the mansion. As Syaoran and Meiling disappeared around the corner, the sisters looked on in puzzlement before collectively speaking:

“What was _that_ all about?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two positive comments and three likes. Not a bad start. Anyway, here's the second chapter. I thought about posting it later after a week since I wanted a bit more time to work on the next few chapters. but I'll be going somewhere for the weekend and I'm not sure if I'll have the time to post. Besides, this chapter's pretty uneventful, just a bit of a transition chapter and a segue to things to come. Please let me know what you guys think. I'm always looking to improve the writing so any advice or criticism is appreciated.


	3. Renewed Purpose

Syaoran was powerless as Meiling pulled his hand forcing him to follow her. She was walking in a hurried pace, a stern expression on her face, and Syaoran struggled to keep himself walking with the pull she exerted on him. It didn’t help that the leg she had kicked was still throbbing in pain. He was sure that his shin would be sore for a while and would probably be bruised. He had voiced his protest, asking Meiling where she was taking him.  She had replied curtly, saying that she wanted somewhere they could talk in private. It was after heading up a flight of stairs that Syaoran realized they were heading to his room. When they finally reached the room, she had looked for any signs of people that could overhear them. What they were about to discuss required privacy. Seeing no signs of another person, she finally locked the door behind her and let out a tired sigh as she leaned to it. Her outburst had taken a lot out of her. That however, did not mean that she was too tired to be mad at the boy in the room with her.

“Alright Meiling, we’re alone now.” Syaoran spoke. “Now what did you want to talk to me about?”

The topic brought her new strength, and she approached Syaoran her fire was already returning. She began hitting him repeatedly in the arm as he raised it to block her swings.

“You IDIOT!!!” she screamed before abruptly lowering her volume. She did not want cause a commotion that would draw people to their conversation. “How can you leave without getting her reply?!” she hissed. “The whole point of confessing your feelings to someone is to see if they return them. And you just left without getting an answer from her?! Without even saying goodbye?!!  How can you let her go like that?!!! You can’t be that dense!!!!”

Syaoran had to pause for a moment to realize what she was talking about. He then recalled their last phone call in Tomoeda before he left for Hong Kong. He had told Meiling he confessed to Sakura but was leaving without hearing her reply, and had told Meiling he was content with letting her know. Meiling had protested but he promptly hung up on her. She must’ve been frustrated with him all this time, waiting for him to come home just to lay it on him. However, Meiling was unaware of what had transpired afterwards.

“Wait!” Syaoran whispered, opening his palms to visually signal Meiling to stop. She reluctantly complied, but her fists were still in a position to resume her assault if necessary. “It’s okay! Sakura came to see me at the airport.”

Meiling processed the words for a second before she lit up, her angry expression replaced by a smiling one. “She did?! She met you at the airport?! That’s great!!” She shook him back and forth as her eyes began to light up. “Ohh, it must’ve been so romantic! The girl meeting the boy just before he left, confessing her feelings before they were apart, promising to return to each other. You know, you’re lucky Kinomoto had the sense to reply to you before you left. Guess she’s not as dense as I thought”, Meiling finished with a smirk.

“Well, she uh- didn’t reply to me. Not exactly anyway”, Syaoran said while scratching the back of his head.

Meiling’s happy expression turned sour. “What do you mean, not exactly?” she asked him.

Syaoran was now lost for words. “Um-Well, she asked for the bear, and she uh- asked that if I would be back, so it’s okay now, I guess?” he finished lamely.

Meiling narrowed her gaze on her cousin. Nothing he just said had made any sense to her. With a firm expression, she finally spoke “ Syaoran. Tell me what happened.”

Syaoran let out a sigh and set at the edge of his bed. ”Well-“

 

* * *

 

**_Earlier that day, Tomoeda Airport_ **

“Why?” The words fell out of his mouth and hung in the air between them. He stared at the girl before him. She was wearing a pink dress with long sleeves with a cross decorated on her collar. Her star key dangled from her necklace and swung back and forth as she panted, her run through the airport having evidently tired her. Her hair was without it’s usual pigtails, instead held back by a red band. And her eyes, those emerald eyes, were staring at him intently. She was here. The girl who was Clow’s selected heir. The girl he loved.

The girl he could never be with.

“Um, I-”, Sakura began but immediately stopped, as if unsure of her own words, or what she wanted to say. “Um” she managed before breaking eye contact with him and staring at the floor. Syaoran instinctively mirrored her movements. Thoughts were now racing through his mind. He had planned on leaving as quietly as possible, assuring himself that letting her know had been enough.  From the way she had acted around him since he confessed, Syaoran didn’t want to trouble her more than he already had, especially now that he would have to face his family regarding his failure.  He was prepared to leave her behind and move on. And yet here she was, in front of him, racing to meet him before he left. Seeing her there made him want to drop his bag and just stay with her, but he knew that wasn’t possible.

Syaoran was driven out of his thoughts by Wei calling him. “Syaoran-sama, please take this”, said the old man, gesturing to something he held on his hands. Syaoran followed the gesture and gasped in shock. The bear he had made, the one that he had planned on giving her someday, the one he had left behind when he told himself that he could never be with her.  He slowly took the bear in his hands, holding it as if it was something fragile. What was he supposed to do now? He knew what giving the bear to her meant, but he didn’t want to burden her with his feelings.  He had resigned to the fact that he cannot be with her. Surely she wouldn’t accept-

“That bear...  can I have it?”

Syaoran broke out of his thoughts and stared at the girl in front of him. He had heard the words spoken in her soft voice, but couldn’t believe it. Those were the words he least expected coming from her. And yet, even as he stared at her in shock, her expression did not change. Sakura was smiling at him, her cheeks flushed red. Her expression was gentle yet firm, holding the same resolve he had seen in her countless times and finally bringing him to the answer of why she was here.

_She accepted his feelings._

The realization hit him hard, and Syaoran found himself smiling. As he slowly approached her and she did the same, his legs felt so light he wasn’t sure if they were moving by his command or on their own.  He extended his hand to offer her the bear as she did likewise to accept it. For a moment, their hands touched, and Syaoran could feel a surge like electricity emanating from the brief contact before their hands parted. He watched as she hugged the bear close to her, embracing it preciously.

“Thank you”, she whispered.

“No” he replied, “Thank you.”

Sakura blushed at his words, but kept her eyes on him. “I’ll be sure to take care of him.”

“I’m sure you will.”

She smiled before looking away from him. Syaoran watched in puzzlement as she seemed to be contemplating something before she finally looked at him again, looking flustered. Her blush had gone to a deeper shade of red.

“U-Um Syaoran-kun…” she trailed off.

“Yes?” His cheeks were now matching hers in color. She wasn’t going to say what he thought she would, was she?

“U-Um about you that is, I…” she hugged the bear tighter, as if to squeeze out the words she wanted to say. “I-“

“ _Calling all passengers: Flight AF653 to Hong Kong is now boarding. Repeat. Flight AF653 to Hong Kong is now boarding.”_

The announcer brought Syaoran back to reality, and he silently cursed the monotone female voice for it. He needed to go now, or he would miss his flight. He hurriedly reached for his bag. Wei was already ahead of him, reaching the boarding area.

“I’m sorry, Sakura. That’s my flight. I have to go”

“But I-“, Sakura started to speak but Syaoran was already running towards the boarding area. As much as he wanted to stay, missing this flight would have grave consequences for him. He was picking up his pace when he suddenly heard her shouting his name.

“Syaoran-kun!!!”

Syaoran stopped despite himself, looking back at the girl behind him. Her face momentarily showed longing and sadness before casting a hopeful smile at him.

“I’ll see you again, right?”

Syaoran froze at the words. He wanted to see her again more than anything. Even the idea of parting from her now was unbearable. And yet, he knew the obstacles he would face. He would have to convince his family, and if he failed, they could just as well prevent him from coming back. He looked back at her figure, the girl who changed his life.

“You can count on it”, he said, smiling as confidently as he could. Her face lit up at the reply even as he started running towards the boarding area. As he was nearing the gate, he heard her shout from faraway.

“See you later, Syaoran-kun!!!”

Syaoran smiled at her, but as he turned away his face took on a dark expression.

* * *

 

“Unbelievable.” Meiling uttered after Syaoran had finished recounting his story. His cousin rubbed her fingers over her eyes. “She went to see you off but didn’t confess in time?”

Syaoran merely shrugged in response. “It’s okay, she already accepted the bear, so I know she accepts my-”

“IT’S NOT OKAY!!!”  Her eyes were lit up in flames now.

“Calm down, Meiling. People can here you”, Syaoran said, trying to ease her temper. ‘ _Why is she so angry about this anyway?’_ he thought.

Meiling just barely contained her volume. “Gods, I can’t believe you two! She’s an idiot! You’re an idiot!! You’re both idiots!!!”

That got Syaoran riled up. He stood from his bed and glared at her. “Leave Sakura out of this, she’s done nothing wrong”. His tone was steady but firm, the anger within them clear.

Meiling paused for a moment, startled by her cousin’s rising anger. Her expression of shock was short-lived however, and her face once again settled on a heated expression. He was angry? Good. She was _furious_. “No, you know what? You’re right! She isn’t an idiot. She’s just criminally naïve. So naïve she didn’t know how close she came to losing you forever.  If she had known, maybe she wouldn’t have wasted her time stumbling over her own words!”

Syaoran clenched his fists. He was losing his temper. “What are you talking abou-”

“YOU WERE ABOUT TO LEAVE HER!!!!” she shouted, her anger finally reaching it’s peak. “You were gonna quietly disappear forever, satisfied just to be a passing friend. You weren’t even brave enough to say goodbye to her face! Do you know how lucky you are that she showed up right as you were leaving?! That she even _knew_ you were leaving?!! I know she didn’t hear it from you. Daidouji probably told her or something. And if it wasn’t for Wei, you would’ve left the bear, _your feelings_ , to die!” She was now in full heat, her expression radiating waves of fury. Crimson eyes gave Syaoran a fiery stare.  Tears were pooling in them, a result of her passionate outburst. “You tell me that you found someone who you really care about, more than me or anyone else, and yet the minute an obstacle gets between you and her, you give up and hide, ready to disappear. If she meant even half as much you say she does, WHY DIDN’T YOU FIGHT FOR HER?!!!!” Having finally reached the end of her anger, Meiling broke her stare and closed her eyes, the tears that had pooled in them staining the bottom of her eyes. She took slow deliberate breaths to calm her raging heart and emotions.

The room was silent for a while as Syaoran stood there, his body stiff. He was at a loss for words. The anger that had been rising in him disappeared the moment Meiling shouted those six words at him. They had hit him hard. The events of that afternoon suddenly took on a new light. Sakura had come to see him and he had been overjoyed, but in his euphoria he had glossed over how she had known he was leaving. That she had been informed in time and barely made it to meet him was a miracle. Syaoran sat down on the bed again, weighed by these sudden revelations. He had been _that_ close to abandoning her, the person who gave him much more happiness than he had ever felt before. A part of him reasoned that he didn’t want to burden her with his feelings, but he knew the real reason he had left; because he had been afraid. He was afraid of not being able to see her again. That fear had then cemented in his thoughts, turning itself to the belief that no matter what he did, he was never going to see her again. That his mother and the Elders were always going to be against it, and due to his family obligations, he would have to obey.

“You’re right”, Syaoran said, still in shock. “I was ready to abandon her. I told myself that someone like me didn’t deserve her affection, that I wasn’t worthy of her. But more than that, I was afraid, I _am_ afraid. I don’t want to lose her but I know that it isn’t entirely up to me, that Mother or the Elders could just as easily prevent me from seeing her.” He looked at his fists, clenching them so hard that they shook. He was shaking in fear, an alien feeling to him, and entirely unpleasant.

Meiling looked at her cousin, the boy she loved all her life even now, looking lost and confused. Syaoran was always strong in his eyes. For as long as she had known him he always had an unyielding strength and dedication on whatever task he was set on, whether it be magical training, martial arts or just normal schoolwork. She didn’t like seeing him troubled like this but understood why he was feeling confused. The Li Clan would likely prevent him from being with Sakura, and he would have to go against them, his own family, to fight for that right. Syaoran had always considered his duties as a Li to be of high importance, and having to choose between them or her tore at him. However, he needed to be strong if he was going to face what was coming, and she would remind him of that. Meiling took a step towards him and knelt down in front of him. She put her hands on his shoulders and looked up at him. Syaoran looked back. She had a determined expression on her face, but no trace of the anger she had shown earlier.

“Syaoran, when you told me how you felt about Kinomoto I was heartbroken. I spent the night at Daidouji’s house and cried the whole night. The boy I have loved my whole life, the one whose attention I’ve been trying _so hard_ to have for as long as I remember, had his attention on someone else, a foreign girl, an outsider who didn’t know him like I did and she didn’t even have to work for it. It drove me _crazy_.” Meiling paused for a while, wincing at the pain in her chest. The memory was a painful one and had been responsible for many tearful nights in the days that followed, but she needed to get it off her mind. In a way, she needed to say this as much as he needed to hear it. After a deep breath, she continued, “But after I finally calmed down, I had a heart-to-heart talk with Daidouji.  She told me about her own feelings for Kinomoto and how Kinomoto’s happiness was her own. Then she showed me videos of your adventures, and I saw how being around her affected you. You seemed more different, more...   _alive_ from the Syaoran I knew. I realized then that she gave you something I could never give and that if you can return the favor, then I would be happy for you both.” Her serious expression lightened up and she smirked. “Besides, as you well know it’s impossible to hate Kinomoto once you get to know her.” Meiling winked playfully at him and Syaoran smiled despite himself.

Meiling felt relief when she felt the tension leave his shoulders. She stood up, prompting him to stand up too. “And that is why I promised that I will do anything in my power to make sure you stay that way. I know you’ll be facing a lot of challenges from here and I’ll help you in any way I can. But in the end, this fight will be your own, and you have to have the resolve to see it through.  I want you to be happy Syaoran, but you have to _want_ to be happy.” The words struck Syaoran and lit up a blaze within him even as she tightened her grip on his shoulders. “So say it for yourself, Li Syaoran. What do you want?”

Syaoran didn’t hesitate. He had known the answer to that question for a long time now, but this will be the first time he would declare it out loud. He needed to say this to himself if he was gonna fight for it against those who would stand in his way. With newfound strength and fire in his heart he spoke confidently.

“I want to be with her.”

Meiling broke into a grin as she saw the determination within his eyes. _This_ was the Syaoran she knew. “Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” she said, letting go of his shoulders.  “Honestly, we wouldn’t have to go through all this if you weren’t so thick-headed.”

Syaoran gave her a gentle smile. “Thank you, Meiling”, he said, pouring all the gratitude he had into those words.

“Just don’t expect me to give you a pep talk every time”, she said jokingly. “Now, I’ve taken up enough of your time. You probably want to clean up before dinner.”

“Will you be joining us?” Syaoran asked.

Meiling shook her head. ”Not this time. It’s Mother’s turn to cook, and you know how good her cooking is.” She replied with a smile before taking a more serious tone. “Besides, you’ll need the privacy tonight.”

“I guess so.” Syaoran replied grimly. The talk with his mother was inching closer by the second.

“Have you thought about what you’re going to say to her?” Meiling inquired.

“Not really.” Syaoran admitted. “I guess I’ll just speak the truth and see where that leads.” His mind rang bells at the sound of his own words. There were certain lies he was planning to tell in his testimony.

“Don’t worry Syaoran, it’ll be alright.” she said reassuringly. “If you need me, I’ll help. You know Father’s pretty close with Aunt Yelan. I’m pretty sure I can convince him to soften her up if it comes down to it.”

“Thanks, Meiling.”

“Well, I’ll be going. Tell me how it goes, okay?”

Syaoran nodded and watched as his cousin unlocked his bedroom door and closed it, leaving him standing there. He glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. _5.20 p.m_. He had less than two hours before dinner, after which he’ll be facing his mother.  The dread of anticipation filled his body, but he dismissed it. Now he had hope. He knew what he wanted and was prepared to fight tooth and nail for it. And he had an ally to help him. Even if Meiling couldn’t do much to help him, the knowledge that he wasn’t alone soothed him. He wasn’t in as bad a position as he previously thought.

Syaoran turned to his luggage, which Wei had left on the corner of his room. He’d unpack later. Right now, he needed to shower. After which, he’ll rest for a while before dinner. This day had been an eventful one, and it was far from over. He needed all the rest he could get.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's chapter 3. I'm quite happy with how this turned out. Meiling was a character that I found annoying back when I first watched the anime, but grew on me later on when I grew up. I found myself sympathizing with her as a person and character. It was honestly sad to see how she desperately wanted to get Syaoran's attention even if she ended up as a burden in Syaoran and Sakura's battles to capture the Cards, and the maturity she showed to cheer Syaoran on when she found out he was in love with someone else, even later assisting their relationship in the second movie was such a character development for someone who was only a filler character in the first place (she isn't in the manga, for those who didn't know). In a way, she's a more human version of Tomoyo, whereas the latter was almost angelic in her selfless devotion to seeing her love happy , Meiling had to struggle with her own feelings before finally reaching that stage of acceptance. It was this stuggle and how she matured from her heartbreak while still maintaining her traits that I wanted to capture, and overall, I think I did a good job. Since the OVA in September will be making the manga ending canon, we might see her be removed entirely from the continuity altogether. So if that happens, this is in a way, my tribute to her. Let me know what you guys think chapter. I'll try to update weekly but I can't promise anything with final tests coming up. Next chapter's gonna be a longer one though, covering Syaoran's talk with his mother so look forward to that.


	4. At the End of the Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got a chance to post. Haven't had a lot of time to write recently with all the deadlines and preparing for finals, and been having a case of writer's block. Updates may come slower and can't promise when but they'll be coming. 
> 
> Anyway here's the new chapter. This is the longest one so far and I had a lot of fun writing the dialogue. This one took a lot of research as I had to look back at episodes to remember the sequence of events during the Final Judgement and Eriol's trials. This was fairly easy, but hopefully I didn't get anything wrong. The harder part was the sisters. They don't have a lot of character and were just introduced as gags so I had to make up some backstory for them. Determining their age was tough. I had wanted to dismiss them as quadruplets but that seemed like an easy way out. It eventually came down to a clip in the first movie where they spoke in order with their voices getting less deep with each sister, which I used to determine who was oldest. Not much, I known but it was all I had to work with. For convenience's sake, I listed them here in the front this time so readers can have a clear idea of the ages I made up going in.
> 
> 1\. Yelan Li: 34. She was 33 in the movie according to wiki so I added another year here since the movie would've happened about a year before the final episode if I counted right. Since she would've had her first age at a young age, I made the first sister's age to allow for the oldest possible age to be having children (for her anyway).  
> 2\. Fuutie (Fudie): 17. Estimated her oldest age to be at 17 so Yelan would've had her at 17.  
> 3\. Shiefa (Xuehua): 15/16 or nearing 16.  
> 4\. Feimei and Fanren (Feimei and Huanglian): 14 and twins. They have similar appearance and height so it seemed logical.
> 
> With that out of the way, here's chapter 4. Enjoy!

 

 

Syaoran was stirred from his sleep by the sound of his door opening. Half-awake, he opened one if his eyes to see his guardian, Wei, standing at the doorway.

“Master Xiaolang, it is almost dinnertime.”

The words brought Syaoran back to the waking world and he looked at the clock. _6.50_. He recalled the events of that day; Sakura seeing him off, his mother requesting his presence after dinner, and his talk with Meiling. After that last one, he had taken a shower and then lied down on his bed. He had been thinking about the upcoming talk with his mother before the exhaustion of travel and the exertion on his mind caused by the events of that day had finally claimed his consciousness. Counting the time back, he’s slept a little over an hour.

Syaoran turned to the old man standing by the door. Wei did not usually call him to dinner since Syaoran had always been on time. Yelan Li was a woman who valued punctuality and it was an unspoken rule that within her household her schedule was to be followed, especially by her children (although that did not stop Shiefa from turning up late every now and then, much to Yelan’s chagrin.) And yet this time, he had made sure to remind Syaoran, as if aware of the fact that he would fall asleep. Being late for dinner was something Syaoran did not want on today of all days, so Wei had woken him up on initiative, but had waited until the last moment to allow Syaoran the most of his rest. Syaoran smiled at Wei as he is reminded of his guardian’s perceptivity, one that was perhaps rivaled only by his mother’s.

“Thank you, Wei.” Syaoran spoke. “I’ll be down shortly.”

With that, Wei nodded and promptly left the room. Syaoran headed to his bathroom to wash the traces of sleep off his face. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, beads of water still rolling down his skin and bangs. That had been a good sleep, and his mind now felt fresher than before. The anticipation of what was to happen after dinner was still there, but it felt more subdued now. Good. It wouldn’t do to panic in front of his mother. Drying his face with a towel, Syaoran took one last look in the mirror before heading downstairs to join his family in the dining room.

* * *

 

 

By the time Syaoran entered the large dining room, the rest of his family was already sitting there waiting for dinner. His sisters were divided equally on both sides. Yelan Li took her place at the head of the dining able. And a seat lay empty opposite hers, one that was his father’s and when he had died long before Syaoran could remember him, passed down to his son. Slowly, Syaoran took his seat. There was a silent tension hanging in the air. Even his sisters, who would normally be chattering with one another and attempt to make idle chatter with him and Yelan (an attempt usually rebuffed by them both), were uncharacteristically silent. Syaoran and his sisters sat there uncomfortably. Time seemed to be running slowly for them right now.

Fortunately, there was only a minute left before dinnertime, and it wasn’t too long before the clock in the dining room showed 7.00. As if on cue, the door behind Yelan opened and Wei entered, followed by four servants carrying various dishes. The smell of freshly cooked food permeated the room, and as the servants laid the dishes on the table Syaoran felt his stomach growl in anticipation. He had been so preoccupied with his problems that he had forgotten how little he had eaten today, having only had a small breakfast with Wei that morning before leaving for the airport. Syaoran’s mouth couldn’t help but fill with water as his body reacted to the sensory inputs the food gave out. He didn’t have to wait long. After thanking the servants and dismissing them, Yelan Li prepared her chopsticks and told her children that they may eat.

They ate mostly in silence. Dinner in the Li household was always a quiet affair. While they would talk before dinner when they gathered, the eating part itself was always mostly silent, save for the few moments of one person asking another to pass a dish their way. This time however, the silence was accompanied with an unbearable tension and Syaoran wondered how such a familiar part of his life suddenly became so unfamiliar. Thankfully, his bodily cravings helped keep his mind off the tension, and he focused on eating. Dinner in the Li household was also always a delicious affair, and in part the reason for their silence is the enjoyment of the meals itself.

It was only after they finished eating that the silence began to weigh at them once again. Normally, when they finished eating Yelan would ask each of them to update her regarding their obligations and studies, magical or otherwise, starting from the eldest (Fuutie) to the youngest (Syaoran). This time however, it was her turn to be uncharacteristically silent, and that’s saying something. They sat for minutes without anyone saying a word. Syaoran looked for signs that his mother was about to speak, but as always, Yelan’s face offered no window to the thoughts behind it. He clutched his thighs firmly. The silence was wearing down his sanity, and as he looked around the table, he saw that it was wearing down his sisters’ too. They had never had to be silent for such a long period of time and it was driving them nuts. It was visibly hardest on his twin sisters Feimei and Fanren, who were the most talkative of his sisters, as they were biting their lips shut tightly and sweating profusely. They looked like they were about to vomit words alongside their dinner from the way their cheeks were puffing up. Syaoran almost wished they would, if only to end this torturous stand-off. He almost couldn’t believe himself. For the first time in his life, he actually _wanted_ his sisters to start chattering.

It was an almost liberating moment when Yelan Li finally decided to speak. “Fudie”, she said as she turned her head to face her eldest daughter. Sighs of relief were shared all around the minute her voice broke the silence. Yelan ignored them and continued. “How are your studies?”

“They’re going fine”, replied Fuutie. “I’ll be a bit busy for a while. The tests are coming soon and I’ve been studying hard for them.  I’ve also been talking to Uncle Lao. He said he might be able to get me a job at his place during the summer.” Fuutie paused a bit before continuing. “As for magic, I’ve been practicing the spells you taught me. I’ve managed to do some of them, but I haven’t been able to do the rest. School’s pretty busy and all.” she finished, and braced herself to be told off about neglecting her magic studies.

Sure enough, Yelan voiced her dissapproval. “Magic is an integral part of our heritage, Fudie. As a Li, we have an obligation to understand it, no matter how much of it we are born with. Only then can we learn live with it and accept it. ”

Fuutie nodded submissively. She had been born with some magic power, but nothing on the level of Yelan or Syaoran. This often inevitably led to not-so-hushed comparisons to them or other more magically inclined relatives by gossiping aunts. She often wished she did not have any magic powers to begin with. Sensing her growing reluctance to accept it as part of her, Yelan personally tutored her in the arts of magic. Her mother was determined that she learned what she could.

“But for now, you may focus on your academics. I wouldn’t want to see you lag behind in that aspect either. You will of course, show me the test results once they are available”, Yelan relented. “Do not think this means you can forget your magic studies, however. I shall arrange with Uncle Lao so that there will be time for our lessons during the summer. I expect to see your progress then.”

Fuutie nodded again. Her mother was strict but fair, and that was as good of a deal as she’ll get.

The next ten minutes were filled with reports to Yelan about the obligations of each sister. Shiefa was born with no magical affinity whatsoever, but had a strong connection to the spirit world, and Yelan had her train to become a medium. Yelan had been vexed to find out that Shiefa had fallen behind on some subjects, and reminded her that she should be doing better considering that she doesn’t have the added pressure of studying magic as heavily as her sisters. Shiefa had pouted and insisted that those subjects were hard, but ultimately relented. Up next were the twins, Feimei and Fanren. Academically, they were considered slightly above average, earning scores that were a little higher than the passing mark. That was not enough for Yelan Li however, and she reminded them once again that they could do better. As for magic, the twins shared a unique relationship. Individually, their magic power was not significant, slightly less than Fuutie’s, but when they were together, their combined power was greater than the sum of its parts. With some training, Yelan believed their power could even catch up to Syaoran’s. However, teaching them was another matter altogether, and getting the twins to focus on anything in the presence of each other was a challenge even for her, making progress incredibly slow in that area. Yelan Li is not one for giving up however, and told them they would be joining Fuutie during the summer to work on their skills. Fuutie smiled at this. At least she would have company during the summer.

Finally, it came down to Syaoran, who had been filling with anticipation for the moment. Tension returned to the room and his sisters fell stiff. They were anxious to hear what she had to say to their brother. Instead, Yelan made a move of her hand to disperse them.

“You four are dismissed and may return to your rooms. I will talk to Xiaolang privately”, she ordered.

The sisters showed reluctance but ultimately obeyed their mother’s order. Syaoran was also glad for this. There were things he wanted to discuss which his sisters did not need to hear. After the four women left the room, Yelan stood up and told Syaoran to follow her. They left the room as servants entered to clean up the dinner table.

* * *

 

 

 

They walked silently for a while, Yelan in front and Syaoran following from behind. Soon enough they found their way to the mansion gardens. Cool night air greeted Syaoran as he stepped outside, and he couldn’t help but feel calm. The atmosphere in the garden gave off a tranquil feeling. The trees standing unmoving, the water of the pool still as ever, not even a ripple to be seen. The only voices were the songs of insects that had awoken in the night, which somehow suited the nightly feeling. Syaoran and Yelan made their way to the center of the octagonal platform which stood at the edge of the garden, overlooking the Hong Kong skyline. Syaoran looked at the bustling city below him, displaying it’s lights as nightlife awakens below. The view was almost hypnotic, but not as much as the moon. From the dark sky where the pale blue orb showed half of it’s face, Syaoran could feel it’s rays stirring the magical energies within him and he found himself drawn to it, wanting to snatch it out of the sky if he could. He couldn’t help but be reminded of his former attraction to Yukito and wondered how he didn’t notice how similar the feeling was.

They stood silently there for a while, bathing in the light of the moon until Yelan finally broke the silence. “I will hear your report now Xiaolang.” She turned to face her son and he did the same.

Syaoran felt his heart going into overdrive. The moment he dreaded, the one that this day would build up to, was finally here. He looked up at his mother’s face. Her pale white features were further accentuated by the glow of the moon, giving her a divine aura. If she had looked like an empress that evening, now she looked like an ancient goddess and Syaoran, the poor boy, was the foolish mortal who incurred her wrath. His mind raced a thousand times faster. There’s so much to say that he didn’t even know where to start.

Fortunately, Yelan solved his predicament. “Start from the Final Judgement. I already know the details from your previous attempts to capture the individual cards from the testimonies of Wei, Meiling, and yourself.” Syaoran was thankful for this, as he would not have to waste time on recalling all of his previous adventures. He then recalled he had been pretty vague to her in his description of the events on that day, and from then on he had practically stopped contacting her altogether during Eriol’s magic trials.

“Of course”, he complied. “We had just returned from capturing the final Clow Card, Earthy. It was then that the second guardian, Yue, revealed himself from his guise as Yukito, one of Sakura’s companions. As the judge, he declared the selection for the true master of the Cards. I was chosen first. We engaged in battle and I attempted to subdue him with my own magic but it didn’t have any effect on him, so I turned to using the Clow Cards that I possessed. I used the strongest Card in my arsenal, Time, but he turned it’s power against me, as Time was under his jurisdiction. After my defeat, Sakura’s turn came next. Yue pushed his offensive and for a while she could only evade his attacks. She used the Woody card to attempt to restrain him, but like with Time he turned the Card’s power against it’s master. However, she was able to break free at the last moment. It was then that her magic power awakened, and she transformed her wand with it. She activated the Windy card and this time was able to override Yue’s control over the card and neutralize him. Yue then declared her the true master of the Clow Cards.” Syaoran finished. He had not mentioned Kaho Mizuki’s intervention per her request that her involvement in the Final Judgement be omitted from his account. Syaoran was uncomfortable about lying to his mother, knowing her ability to read people, but had promised her to do so nonetheless. Syaoran remained still, not trying to give anything away. He hoped he could sneak past this little lie, or else he would have trouble sneaking the bigger one in the next part of his report.

A few seconds passed by in silence as Yelan processed the information she had received in quiet contemplation. Syaoran felt sweat forming in his brow even in the cold night. He was nervous about a lot of things, and the lie only added weight to his conscience. He hoped that his mother would dismiss his fidgeting as nervousness for facing his failures.

“I will ask you two questions”, Yelan said. “Answer them to the best of your abilities.”

“Yes mother.” He tensed in anticipation. ‘ _Please don’t ask about Mizuki-sensei please don’t ask about Mizuki-sensei please don’t ask about Mizuki-sensei.’_

“Firstly, why were you defeated?”

Syaoran felt a bit of relief before tensing up again. Yelan had put him on the spot with this one. He expected this line of questioning, and truth be told, the question had been in his mind after his defeat. He would revisit the moment again from time to time, wondering where he went wrong and what he could’ve done differently to change the outcome. His mother was expecting an answer however, and what-ifs and half-baked excuses would not do. He had to give her a satisfactory answer. Syaoran searched back to the days when he used the Clow Cards before and during the Final Judgement, analyzing them with his own logic and knowledge of magic.

“I was reckless,” he spoke but stopped abruptly. Syaoran began to panic in his head. He had said that on impulse and was at a loss at how to continue. Still, he sensed that there was some truth to that. Steadying his breath, Syaoran calmed his mind down. He had to pull himself together if he was going to get through this. After feeling in control once more, he continued. “I had a hard time getting accustomed to using the Clow Cards. Using them didn’t come naturally for me, unlike my own magic. I always needed to pour more magic into them to get them to work. It usually drained me, which is why most of the time I used my own spells to weaken the Cards, and relied on Sakura to seal them.” Syaoran’s mind was turning. He could feel he was on the verge of the answer. He just needed to connect the dots. “I suspect this was due to the nature of the Clow Cards themselves. Being made by Clow Reed, they had both the magic of the Sun and the Moon in them. Since my-our magic draws power from the Moon, this meant I could only access about half of its magic normally. I had to exert myself more in order to make them work. Of course, the Cards have different jurisdictions, and depending on that it could either be Sun or Moon power that was more dominant within each of them, but activating them still required a lot of effort.” Syaoran felt his excitement rise. His reasoning was sound, but he still needed to answer her question. “So when the Final Judgement came, I favored using my own magic over the cards, and when that failed to have any effect on Yue, I was frustrated. I couldn’t think properly. All I wanted was to end the battle quickly, so I reached for the strongest Card I had, Time. In my haste, I forgot that Time was under the jurisdiction of Yue. I should’ve kept a clear head and remembered my lessons. I knew each Card had a guardian and at the time I had Cards that were under Keroberos, but I didn’t use them, and my lack of judgement cost me, and our Clan, the Clow Cards.” Syaoran finished. Even as the words left his mouth Syaoran felt the truth in them. That was _the_ answer. He looked at Yelan to see if she accepted it.

To his relief, she nodded with approval. He had used his magical knowledge to analyze what he did wrong, and that was enough to satisfy her, however much it could in this situation. She continued with her second question. “Secondly, why did she win?”

Syaoran silenced the voice in his head that wanted to speak about Kaho Mizuki’s involvement that day and continued to think. _’Alright. Same drill as before. Think back to the events and use your head.’_

“Sakura’s power comes from the Stars, which encompasses both the Sun and Moon. This meant she was able to access the magic of the Clow Cards easier than I was. During our first encounters that power lay dormant as she mostly used the residual magic in her staff and the Cards. It eluded even my perceptions when we first met. However, as she continued to adapt to using the Clow Cards, her power steadily began to develop and show itself. During the Final Judgement, perhaps out of necessity, it was finally brought forth to it’s full extent. It was this power that allowed her to override Yue’s command over the Windy Card and subdue him.” Syaoran was about to stop but decided to continue. It didn’t felt fair to Sakura to leave it at just that. “Although, I would not say that her magic was the only determining factor in her win. Sakura Kinomoto possesses an openhearted personality that allowed her to form a synergetic relationship with the Cards. While my relationship with the Cards I had was one of master and tool, Sakura’s was one of friendship and trust. With each captured Card she made sure to care for it like a friend, and likewise they treated her as more than just their master. Their close bond allowed her to use the Cards to their full potential.” Syaoran had to will his lips shut before he could continue gushing over her in front of his mother. Even talking about her brought a warm feeling to his heart. Feeling the heat in his cheeks, he desperately hoped he wasn’t blushing, or at least that the night would hide it if he was.

Yelan gave no indication that she saw any change in her son’s behavior. Instead, she accepted his answer once again. “The loss of the Clow Cards is a shame, but your answers on both questions were reasonable and logical. You will find yourself being asked questions like these a lot in the times to follow. Be warned Xiaolang, your Elders will be much more dissatisfied than I, and in their disappointment be less inclined to see your reasoning. Keep your mind clear and your emotions controlled, and you may yet pass this storm.”

Syaoran took the words to heart. His mother rarely gave him advice, but when she did, he knew it would be wise to heed it. The last time she had talked to him liked this was before he had left for Japan to find the Clow Cards, speaking of which…

“Aren’t _you_ disappointed, Mother?” he inquired. Yelan had shown little signs of disapproving the results of his mission, and he wasn’t sure what to think now after what she had just said.

Yelan’s face remained unchanging. “The addition of the Clow Cards to our family would have no doubt greatly benefited us in status and helped us learn more about our powerful ancestor,” she said matter-of-factly. Syaoran nodded. He would likely hear these words in much more accusatory tones from his Elders. “However, I have lived long enough to know that some losses often bring with them unexpected rewards.” Yelan finished, and Syaoran could’ve sworn she saw the ghost of a smile on her lips.

“Back to the matter at hand, continue your report Xiaolang. Tell me about these magical disturbances that occurred after the selection was completed.”

‘ _Out of the frying pan,’_ he thought. Syaoran gulped.  This was the next thing he would have trouble with. Kaho wasn’t the only one who requested that their involvement remain unmentioned. Eriol and Kaho had talked to Syaoran privately after they had dinner in his house. It was then that both of them presented their request to keep their presence a secret from the Lis, Eriol especially. As a reincarnation of Clow Reed, he would be a person of interest to them, but he was not Clow Reed, and did not want to be hounded by his former life’s reputation by his ancestors or worse, former enemies. The problem was Eriol was much more heavily involved compared to Kaho, and while he had some faith he was able to keep calm enough to sneak Kaho’s involvement past his mother, he had no idea how he was going to sneak in a lie of this magnitude without sweating like a pig. Eriol had given him a reassuring but mischievous smile and rehearsed Syaoran’s cover story with him for the rest of the evening. He even gave Syaoran “proof” to support it. The problem was whether Syaoran could keep himself steady while telling it.

“Well, one day months after the Final Judgement, it started to rain heavily. It was a few days before I was scheduled to return home. When the rain did not relent for days, we suspected magic might be involved. Sakura had tried to stop the rain before but to no avail as her key and the Clow Cards failed to respond. It was only later when we reattempted to disperse the rain that we realized the problem. Now that Sakura was the master of the Cards, she needed to use her own magic to power the key and the Cards. She finally managed to disperse the rain after changing the Firey Card to her own Card, but fainted as the conversion took a lot of magic out of her. In the months that followed, more and more unusual incidents happened, each one forcing Sakura to change another Card. We detected Clow’s magic everytime but found no trace after the incident. This depleted her magic for a while, and it took a toll on Yue, who almost disappeared, but that crisis was averted, and slowly her magic began to recover. Soon she was able to convert multiple Cards easily without exhausting.” Alright, he had gotten the truth out, now for the lie.

“One night, three days ago, Sakura had the idea of using the Return Card to ask Clow Reed himself. She found out that Clow Reed had set up the events before he died to make Sakura change the Clow Cards to Sakura Cards. She returned to the present just in time as the final spell took hold. The town was covered in darkness and everyone without magical powers had fallen asleep. Sakura converted the two remaining Cards, Light and Dark, and negated the magic spell. After which she led us towards Er-Clow Reed’s old house (‘ _that was too close, Syaoran! Get your act together!’)_ , where she took out a hidden diary Clow had told her about that detailed his plans and the spells he had put in place before he died. I’ve brought the book back with me if you would like to see it.” Syaoran finished rather panickedly. The story was solid as far as cover-ups go, and the diary Eriol had written up should be enough to fool even his mother. It was himself that Syaoran did not trust. All the time he said that he had felt his mother’s eyes analyzing him, looking for any unnatural signs in his body language.

“That would be helpful, yes.” Yelan replied. Her calm look was replaced with a more serious one, and she was now staring intently at him. “The Elders will not be pleased to hear that you assisted her in converting the Cards.”

“She was already the master of the Cards. There was no way I could take them from her then even if I wanted to, and I was not going to let those magical disturbances harm her or anyone else.” Syaoran replied firmly.

For a moment, Yelan Li paused and looked at her son. Syaoran stood a little straighter now. He had finished his report. The large weight that had been building up on him was finally lifted, and he felt good right now.

“Very well,” she finally spoke. “I’ve heard what I wanted regarding these past events. The results could’ve been better, but things eventually worked themselves out in the end. You are dismissed, Xiaolang. You may return to your room.”

Syaoran gave a small smile. The talk had gone much more smoothly than he had anticipated. Now he just had one more thing to do. The most important thing he had to do. He was more nervous about this than he had been to face her about the Cards, but that only meant this was much more important to him. It was now or never. He stood still in the center of the platform as Yelan Li made to move to the house. “Mother, there is something else I would like to tell you.”

 Yelan stopped short at the end of the platform. She did not face him, but her voice was clear. “And what would that be?”

“Something else happened in Tomoeda. I-” Syaoran considered his words for a moment. He knew what he wanted to say, but the thought of putting it so bluntly was just too much for him. He decided to go for the middle road. “I’ve found something- some _one_ important to me there.”

Yelan turned around now, fully facing her son once again. “Who is it?”

Syaoran turned to face her and met her eyes with his own firmly. “It is the Mistress of the Cards, Sakura Kinomoto. I… _love_ her. I have grown to care about her ever since our dealings with the Cards and Clow’s magic and I’m sure of the way I feel about her. She is very important to me.” For a while the words hung in the air. Syaoran looked away from his mother for a second and steeled himself for what he was about to say next. His mother stayed silent, and while he was sure she was perceptive enough to know what he wanted to say (otherwise telling her his feelings would be pointless) Syaoran would say it anyway. He was determined to show her mother how serious he was.

“And that is why I want to go back to Tomoeda. I want to be by her side and not part from her again. I understand what I’m asking is difficult if not impossible. I am aware that I am not in any position to be making demands especially now, but I am determined to see this through, and I wished to inform you of my intentions in the hopes that you might approve of them. Perhaps not today, tomorrow or maybe not for a long time, but I am determined to get your approval and that of my Elders on this, no matter what,” Syaoran finished. He had said what he wanted to. The rest depended on how his mother would react. She was the first hurdle he needed to win if he was going to face his Elders.

Not for the first time since they began talking, silence fell over them while she contemplated his words quietly, although he felt as if this one was longer than the previous ones. That was understandable. This situation was not something that she had expected. Finally, she spoke. “The Star Mistress, does she reciprocate these feelings?”

“I… cannot say,” Syaoran admitted weakly. “She is aware of them, and has made it known to me that she accepts them, but she has yet to tell me if that is the case.” Syaoran rubbed the back of his head before straightening himself again. “However, that she is aware of my feelings and has not rejected them gives me hope. She has told me that she would like to see me again, and I do not intend to disappoint her.” Another pause of silence followed. Syaoran wondered just how much time these pauses wasted between their talks.

Yelan let out a small sigh. “Well, this certainly complicates things”, she almost huffed.  Syaoran was surprised to say the least. His mother rarely showed any expression outside her usual one, and to see even a minor expression of defeat on her was highly unusual. It then dawned on Syaoran that as his handler, she also had to answer for his actions as much as he did, and he felt a wave of guilt for putting his mother on a tough spot. The expression stayed there for the smallest of moments, and Yelan quickly returned to her calm composure. “But in the end”, she continued, “I cannot say I was surprised.”

Syaoran didn’t say anything, but displayed his confusion with his face. He shouldn’t really be surprised at his mother’s ability to read others by this point, but at the same time, he couldn’t believe it. How had she found him out even before this?

Yelan answered the unspoken question. “Xiaolang, I have lived for many years, and although I have yet to live the rest of them, I have already experienced a lot of things at my age. Most importantly, I have seen and felt the highs of success along with the bitter taste of failure.” Syaoran nodded at the statement. Even at the relatively young age of 33, Yelan Li was many things; sorceress, seer, spirit medium, head of the family, mother, teacher, widow, the list goes on.

“As such, I have learned to see how these two affect me and others around me. When you came home this afternoon, I had anticipated that this failure, your first major one nonetheless, would affect you greatly. To my surprise however, I saw something else. You carried fear of course, and I knew you dreaded facing your Elders and me, but you did not carry defeat within you. It was as if you were not disappointed at your loss of the Clow Cards. I would have dismissed this as acceptance, since you’ve had enough time in Tomoeda to perhaps reconcile with yourself, but I saw something more. You were somehow happy despite it all, and when I inquired about your departure, you fought to not let it show but I saw enough. This and the fact that Meiling had been depressed when she had come home from visiting you only strengthened my suspicions but our talk tonight confirms it.” Syaoran was amazed by her explanation. Her insight into other people and their emotions was nothing short of remarkable and he couldn’t help but be reminded of a black-haired girl in Tomoeda who had the same gift. If he had to compare the two, Tomoyo’s insight was a warm, understanding one while Yelan’s was more analytical and calculating.

Syaoran couldn’t help but be amused at how quickly he had been found out. “I guess I really shouldn’t try to hide anything from you, Mother”, he said sheepishly.

“It is difficult for people to hide their hearts, Xiaolang”, she replied. “Even if they try their best to control every part of their behavior, their hearts will manifest themselves in little ways they can’t even imagine. All it takes is someone who is perceptive enough to read the signs, although in your case, not much perception was required.” This time Syaoran could clearly see the small smile at her lips. Now he was curious. What had he done that had given him away?

“You’ve been referring to her by her first name”, came her answer.

As the realization hit Syaoran, his face reddened. He put his right hand over his eyes and cringed. During his reports to Yelan from Tomoeda he always referred to Sakura as “Kinomoto”, “the girl”, or “the rival”. After he had practically stopped contacting her, he and Sakura had finally got on a first name basis and it became natural to him, so natural that he didn’t even think twice about calling her that in front of his mother. The simple gesture had given him away from the beginning. As he turned this over in his head, Yelan Li smiled and chuckled inwardly in a rare moment of amusement. She had seen Syaoran make different kinds of expressions, but watching him blush in embarrassment of love was a first. She enjoyed the moment for a while before returning to a more pressing matter.

“Syaoran.” Her voice broke him out of his thoughts and he looked again to face her. Her tone was grave, and he knew she was once again speaking seriously to him.

“Understand that what you ask is impossible at the present. The situation with your Elders right now is still very volatile, and may yet have undesired effects on our family. Bringing this matter to their attention now will only make things worse. So for now, you will not mention any of this to your Elders. It is difficult to hide your heart, Xiaolang, but understand that right now it may be the best way to protect it.” Syaoran nodded silently. He had suspected as much. The storm was only beginning, and he would have to wait it out before he could push forward. That didn’t make it any less hard though.

“As for now, this matter is to be kept secret and known only to us few. I know Wei is aware of this and so is Meiling.” Yelan’s gaze narrowed at him at the mention of the latter, and Syaoran understood the implication. Meiling had been – _was still_ in love with him, and could just as easily tell the Elders and jeopardize his chances to go back to her. He knew better though.

“I trust her, Mother.” Syaoran asserted. “She has been understanding of my position, and has been nothing short of supportive throughout this ordeal. She will keep her silence.”

Yelan nodded. “Very well. You will have my silence too. We will discuss this matter further when the situation has eased. Until then, mind to whom you speak to and where you speak it, Xiaolang. You never know who may be listening.” She turned to her left and fixated on a cluster of bushes a distance away from the platform. Before Syaoran could react, she had gathered magical energy with her fan and swung it at the direction of the bushes. A powerful gust of wind emerged from the movement and headed straight for the bushes in great speed. As it did, the wind collided with an invisible dome, creating white sparks where the two made contact. The dome was no match for the wind and was shattered like glass into pieces that blew away from the force before disappearing as the magic powering it faded. Syaoran turned to the site of impact and gaped in shock. Where the barrier had been now stood four young girls whose presence before had been concealed to the naked eye.

“Isn’t that right, girls?” Yelan said curtly.

The sisters stared at her in shock, having just experienced their mother’s magic way too close for their comfort. Fuutie was the one to recover first and she stepped forward to her mother. The others followed weakly behind. The four of them lined up with their hands clasped in front and their faces down. “U-um, we’re sorry Mother. We didn’t actually want to do this, but then Feimei got curious and then we all started getting curious too then Feimei and Huanglian said they could make a cloaking spell and so we did that and then I combined it with my barrier to hide our presence and Xuehua asked the spirits to help us hear what you were talking about and we’re sorry we disobeyed you”, she trailed off. She dared not look up lest she see the heated expression she knew was on her mother’s face.

“I distinctly told the four of you that I would be speaking to Xiaolang privately, and yet here you are, listening in on our conversation. I am aware of your compulsion to butt into affairs not your own, but I had thought as your mother you would respect my wishes enough to comply with them. I can see I was mistaken. Let me make it clear to the four of you right now that _I am extremely disappointed in the four of you and that there will be consequences for your actions.”_ The emphasis in those last words told the sisters they were really in trouble right now. Being under the wrath of Yelan Li was not a pleasant feeling. Nor, for that matter was being under the wrath of Syaoran Li. Having recovered from his shock, he was now glaring daggers, or rather swords, into each of them and young as he was, he had a look that could strike fear into an adult. If looks could kill, the combined glare of their mother and brother would’ve killed them several times over by now.

Sensing her son’s growing anger, Yelan continued. “However, this is not the time for it. I will decide your punishments later. I will admit it is an impressive feat for the four of you to keep yourself hidden from me for that long, but that is another matter. Since you’ve heard too much already, I will remind all of you that you will _not_ speak of this to anyone. _Do you understand_?”

“Yes mother!” came the collective reply as the four sisters nodded up and down aggressively.

“Good”, she replied. “Now I believe you also owe your brother an apology.” Yelan pointed her eyes to where Syaoran stood with his fist clenched, still glaring at his sisters.

They didn’t waste any time. “LITTLE BROTHER, WE’RE SORRY!!!” said the four of them as they immediately surrounded Syaoran and knelt before him, tugging at his shirt, at the same time staining it with their tears. Once again Syaoran found himself surrounded as each sister had her say, making it impossible to discern who was saying what.

“Alright!!! Whatever, I forgive you!!!”  Syaoran said irritably. “Just promise you’ll keep this quiet and never discuss it in front of anyone.”

“We promise!!!” said Fuutie.

“You can count on us!!!” followed Fanren.

“We’ll even give you advice!!!” suggested Feimei while giving him two thumbs up

“Our little brother really has grown up!!!” came the final voice of Shiefa.

That last comment stirred something in each sister, and once again they resorted to collective shouting. “HOW CUTE!!! Our little wolf’s in love!!!” they yelled as they hugged Syaoran from all sides again. Unbeknownst to the five of them, Yelan Li smiled as she watched her children’s little squabble. Their racket echoed through the night, the silent peace that had been there before nothing but a distant memory.

 


	5. Gathering Clouds

“So your sisters found out, huh?” Meiling said. She stroked her chin as she contemplated the fact.  “That’s gonna be tough. You sure they can keep it quiet?”

It was now four days after what Syaoran would consider the longest day of his life yet. So much had happened in that single day that the rest of the week had gone by in a flash by comparison. Throughout the week he had been unable to focus on much else but his mind of Sakura and how she was doing. The fact that his sisters had pestered him for details about her did not help in the slightest. Before he knew it, it was already Monday and he was back to his old school, in which his mother had arranged for him to enroll again. It was now here in lunchtime, where he sat in the school garden to have lunch with Meiling, who went to the same school. He had just finished catching her up to the events of that day.

Syaoran rolled his eyes. “You know how big their mouths are. I wouldn’t trust them to keep a secret if my life depended on it.” Meiling gave a chuckle at the deliberate irony in his words. “But they know what’s at stake here. This isn’t some normal gossip. Any chance of the Elders getting word of this could be trouble for our family, so they’ll keep their lips sealed. Besides, my mother’s a powerful motivator.”

Meiling nodded. She didn’t live with Yelan but the sorceress’s reputation preceded her. “I still can’t believe they managed to hide from your mother like that.”

Syaoran shrugged. “It’s amazing what they can do when they actually put their heads to it. Mother said she only sensed them right after they overheard me talking about Sakura, since their shock disturbed their magic for a moment and she felt it. Since they’d heard too much anyway, she played along until the very end. She told them she was impressed despite everything, and that she expected the same level of skill during their extra lessons.” He recalled the dinner the day after his “long day”. Yelan had finally given her punishments to the sisters. They would be confined to the house for one month with the exception of school, with no chance to hang out with friends, and their weekends were to be filled with magic lessons from her, which had earned groans around the table. Yelan had reminded them that since they were more than eager to show off their abilities the night before, surely they would not mind showing off to her again. Syaoran had felt the punishment was fair, but then thought of his mother who had to spend all that time with them. He had to wonder who the punishment was heavier on.

“Still, it’s a good thing Aunt Yelan was so supportive, so you’ve got a pretty good start.” Meiling added cheerily.

Syaoran nodded in agreement and smiled. Aside from his sisters finding out, the talk with his mother had gone surprisingly well. She was not angry as he thought she’d be about the Clow Cards, and was perhaps receptive of the idea of him returning to Tomoeda. He reminded himself not to get too excited. Aside from promising a chance to talk, his mother had made no mention of approving his relationship with Sakura or allowing him to stay in Tomoeda. That she was open to discussion however, was still a step forward.

 “Yeah, that’s one hurdle down. I’m not sure that the Elders will be that easy though.” Syaoran added gloomily.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it”, she assured him. Not wanting to dampen his spirits, Meiling decided to change the subject. “Anyway, how’s it going with Kinomoto? Have you sent her a letter yet?” she asked expectantly, but frowned as Syaoran’s bewildered reaction gave his answer.

“You haven’t, have you?”

Syaoran thought back to the empty paper on his desk, one which he had wanted to write on couldn’t find the words to. “I-It’s not that I don’t want to, you know. I just don’t know what to say. I mean I know she accepts my feelings but she hasn’t said anything about how she feels, so I don’t want to say something that would trouble her. Besides she’s probably busy. When I left Tomoeda they were still in the middle of tests. I took mine earlier to avoid any complications in transfer, but she’s probably studying now. Also, before I left they were talking about for a coming festival in Tomoeda, so she’s probably preparing for that too.”

“Syaoran, it’s a letter.” Meiling said flatly. “By the time she receives it she’ll be done with her tests, and they wouldn’t give something too hard for an elementary school student to do for the festival. Just how busy is she going to be? You can’t keep making excuses because you’re afraid. Remember, she’s accepted your feelings, and is probably waiting for your letter right now. Heck, for all we know, she could be writing one to you as we spea-” Meiling stopped short of completing her sentence as a realization occurred to her. She thought back to what Syaoran had said about his last meeting at the airport.

“Syaoran, you never gave her your address, did you?” she asked accusingly.

Syaoran could only respond in silence before meekly shaking his head.

Meiling’s shoulders slumped. “I’m really going to have to walk you through this, aren’t I?” she said while shaking her head. “Fine, then you’re just going to have to start first. Just write to her, Syaoran. How hard can that be?”

Syaoran nodded in embarrassment. “Yeah, you’re right,” he said shamefully. Truth be told, he wished he was better at these sorts of things so he wouldn’t have to rely on others. It had taken Tomoyo, a girl who shared his love for Sakura to get him to confess to that very same girl, and now here he was relying on Meiling, who was still in love with him, to make a move towards the girl he actually loved. But she was right. He had to make the effort.

“I’ll finish the letter as soon as I get home.” Syaoran said reassuringly.

Meiling smiled. “That’s more like it.” She was about to say something else when the bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch break.

“Oh, come on, Syaoran! We have to go.”

* * *

 

 

The next four days flew by quickly as Syaoran eased into his daily routine. During weekdays, he would wake up at 6a.m. and leave for school an hour later. The journey to his school was a half-hour and he would wait there for school to begin at 8. He would study until his classes ended at 3.p.m before returning home. After returning home, he would go to the garden to spar with Wei at 4.p.m. The old man had trained him in the basics of martial arts and sparring kept his skilss sharp, although he had to admit age was beginning to impede Wei.  Syaoran sensed the old man wouldn’t be able to keep doing this much longer, especially since his own skills were growing. After those sessions, he would study magic for another hour with his mother.  These lessons were mostly theoretical in nature and Syaoran would be left to his trainers or his own devices to try them out, though she would expect Syaoran to demonstrate some spells occasionally. From early on, Syaoran’s training was focused on becoming a warrior mage which meant his training focused more on the offensive use of magic in combat. While Wei had taught him the basics of martial arts, Syaoran had also been trained by several other trainers before he left for Tomoeda, members of the Li Clan who were warrior mages. They had drilled him advanced martial arts lessons such as fighting with weapons and taught him the use of magic in combat. Still, Yelan insisted he learned the inner workings behind magic so he understands the power he uses instead of simply using it as a weapon, and Syaoran didn’t mind. Magic was always an interesting subject to him.

After the lessons ended, Syaoran would clean up and usually have some time before dinner. He used this time to read books in the mansion’s library or catch up on whatever schoolwork he didn’t finish that afternoon. He had tried doing both in the living room like he used to but his sisters couldn’t resist pestering him about Sakura, so he stayed in the library or his room. Afterwards, he would eat dinner with his family and give updates to his mother. Each time, he would be expectant to hear if his mother had any news for him, but his mother never did. When they finished, he would retreat to his room where he would complete whatever schoolwork was left and review his notes from the lessons that day. Syaoran would always finish this before 9.p.m, after which he’d got to sleep and start the cycle again. This timetable was the one he had followed before he went to Tomoeda, and he found himself easily settling into it’s familiarity despite being away for so long.

It was only on Friday that Syaoran was informed of the first change in his schedule and was reminded that things were not the same as his old days in Hong Kong. Before he left, Syaoran would have sessions practicing combat magic with his trainers over the weekend. However, his mother had made no mention of him continuing his training, and it was only the night before that his mother told him he would not have any for the week. She had also suddenly declared she would be gone for the weekend and refused to mention any details; just that she had important Clan errands to run. Syaoran and his sisters had said nothing, but a silent acknowledgement was shared between them that this had something to do with their current situation. He barely slept that night as he pondered this development. Yelan left early the next day, leaving her children to their own devices. Everyone was quick to go about their business, leaving Syaoran alone. Having a lot of free time was not something he was used to, and since he had finished his schoolwork, there wasn’t much he could do. Burdened by his idleness, Syaoran wandered aimlessly throughout the mansion before he finally found himself sitting in the garden deep in thoughts of his current situation. He was only brought back to the world by Wei, who came by with a tray carrying a glass of iced tea.

“A drink, Master Xiaolang?” he offered.

“Yes, please. Thank you, Wei.” Wei smiled in response.  As the butler set the tray on the table beside him, Syaoran decided to ask about his worries.

“Wei, do you know what Mother is doing?”

 “I cannot say, Master Xiaolang” he replied politely. “The Mistress has not told me of the nature of her departure.”

“I see.” Syaoran hadn’t hoped for much. Yelan Li never spoke much to others, even to Wei, whom she has known since she was little. Still, he had hoped that Wei could shed some light into the situation. He leaned back to his chair and returned to his thoughts. Seeing the worry on his young charge’s face, Wei took a seat beside him.

“You are worried about her.” Wei stated. It wasn’t a question, but Syaoran knew that Wei was inquiring him further.

“I am, though I guess in a way I’m worried about myself as well.”

 “You think this has something to do with your current situation.”

Syaoran only huffed.  “What else could it be? A week after my return she has to go away on Clan business. There’s only one thing it could be.”

Wei only nodded. Syaoran was smart enough to put two and two together. Trying to convince him otherwise would be pointless. Instead he ventured to find the source of the boy’s worries.

“Are you worried that she will side with the Elders against you?” he inquired.

Syaoran shrugged in response. “Not really. I was worried about that when I arrived, but after our talk I know that she’s not as upset as the Elders and I know she’s only looking out for our family. It’s just that…” Syaoran cut off mid-sentence and cast his eyes downwards to his hands. Despite the sudden silence, Wei didn’t prod him to continue, knowing that Syaoran would speak in his own time.

“It’s what Mother’s going through now. She’s in a difficult position and I was the one who put her there. This is all because of me, because of my mistake. _I_ should be the one to take the blame for it, not her. I know she didn’t say she blamed me, but I’ve failed her nonetheless, and she’s the one out there fighting for us, while I’m just sitting here doing nothing.” Syaoran clenched his fists shut with excessive force, causing his fingernails to dig into his palms. His hand trembled from the pressure. “I don’t like feeling powerless. I wish there was something I can do.”

Both of them stayed silent for a while in the midday sun. The morning was beginning to make way into noon and the sun began to shine brighter.  A passing breeze filled the silence and offered a temporary relief from the sun. When it died down, Wei spoke up.

“Master Xiaolang, do you remember what the Mistress-your Mother said to you before you left for Japan?”

Syaoran looked at his guardian with confusion. He wasn’t aware that Wei knew what his mother had said to him before they left. Nevertheless, he decided to comply, curious to see where his guardian was going with this line of conversation. He didn’t have to work hard to remember; the memory was still in his mind even after all this time. His mother and sisters had come with him to see him off, and before he and Wei were about to board, she had taken him aside and spoken to him. He remembered how serious she had looked back then, which had made him more nervous.

“Xiaolang, you are about to face your greatest trial yet. This mission will demand the most out of your abilities and more. You will face countless obstacles. Use your head and remember your training to face them.” He hadn’t replied to her words then and only nodded silently, but nonetheless had made sure to note it in his mind.

“However, there are times when you will face new things, things that not even your training will prepare you for. When the unexpected happens and you find yourself in a situation where you don’t know how to act, remember to always keep a clear mind. Do not let emotions get the better of you or it will bring about your downfall. But most importantly, at times of uncertainty, trust your heart. It will tell you the right thing to do.”

At that moment, Syaoran had been unable to make sense of her words; he was to not get carried away by his emotions but at the same time use his heart, which was the center of all emotions. Syaoran had been about to ask her to elaborate when he he felt her arms wrap around him. To say that he had been surprised would be putting it mildly. His mother was never one for displays of affection and for her to do something so uncharacteristic in full view of people nonetheless stunned him. He had been unsure how to respond, and had just stoof stiff as she hugged him.

“You will understand when the time comes.” Yelan had whispered. She let him go afterwards and said her goodbyes to him and Wei as they left for Japan. Afterwards, Syaoran had tried to heed her words, but had gone with the understanding that he was not to get carried away by his emotions. As a result, he constantly denied them, especially his feelings for Sakura when they started to rise, which only created more conflict within him. It was only that when he accepted his own feelings that he grasped the true meaning of his mother’s advice and listened to his own heart.

Now, back in the garden, Syaoran relayed a concise version of the memory to Wei. “I remember. She said that I would face many difficulties during this mission, and to use my head when facing them, but to trust my heart when all else fails.”

Wei nodded at the answer and replied with another question. “At any moment during that time, did she demand that you succeed in your mission and return home with the Clow Cards?”

Syaoran was puzzled at his butler’s words. “No, but she doesn’t need to, does she? Being entrusted with a mission means that you have to make sure it is successful.” Wei smiled at his reaction. To someone as dedicated as Syaoran, fulfilling his duties came naturally even if no one told him to do it. It was one of the boy’s strong points.

“True, but the mission to capture the Cards was one of high importance entrusted by the Elders themselves, and yet she did not stress the importance of it’s success to you. She knew that if you failed, she would also have to answer for it, but she didn’t emphasize the urgency to you.” Wei gave him a questioning look. “Do you know why that is?”

“No I don’t.” Syaoran admitted. Completing his mission was always a given to him so the thought hadn’t occurred to him at all, but he had to admit Wei had a point.  

Seeing Syaoran’s confusion, Wei continued. His tone was more serious now, and his relaxed appearance tensed up. “Master Xiaolang, I’m going to tell a secret. Your mother asked me to keep this from you back then, but I think it’s time you knew.” Intrigued by the sudden shift in the conversation, Syaoran put his full attention on the butler.

“When the Elders presented their decision to send you to capture the Clow Cards to your Mother, she was adamantly against it. It wasn’t that she didn’t have faith in your abilities, but they were not developed enough to justify sending you on a mission alone, especially something as important as the Clow Cards. She insisted that your training was far from finished and sure enough, you had a lot of difficulties during your time in Japan, did you not?” Syaoran nodded, not taking any offense in Wei’s words. The mission to capture the Clow Cards had been more than demanding to both his body and magic, especially with his difficulty in using the Cards. There were times where his abilities just weren’t enough and he was only able to pull through by working together with Sakura.

Seeing that the boy agreed with him, Wei continued. “Because of this, she insisted that the mission be done by a more experienced mage instead of a young one in training. But they were so eager in their haste to claim the Clow Cards that they wanted to send you after them, and in the end, there was little she could do against the decision, though I can assure you that she did her very best.” Syaoran processed what he had learned just now. He had known his mother to be devoted to her duties to the Li Clan. It was a trait she had passed down to him. So for her to go against the Elders goes against the very idea, and that she would do that for him nonetheless. The idea baffled and touched him at the same time.

 “So you see Master Xiaolang, you do not need to feel that this burden is wholly yours to bear, for it is also hers since the beginning. Even before we left, your Mother was prepared for the possibility of your failure, but she would gladly face the Elders for you anyway, because she will always fight for what’s best for you. She has done so since the day she brought you to this world. You are more important to her than any magic card or trinket. During our time in Tomoeda, she would often contact me to ask about you, your health and condition, how you were adapting to Japan, and countless other things. She would only ask about your mission after, as it was always secondary to her compared to your well-being. Even when you stopped contacting her because you were preoccupied with the magical disturbances, she still called me to find out if you were alright.” Wei then broke into a grin and chuckled, which surprised Syaoran. “Forgive me, Master Xiaolang. Recalling these events brought forth some amusing memories. I must admit I had some fun giving her teasing hints when your affections started coming into play.” Wei chuckled mischievously at Syaoran as the latter tried to protest but could only reply in a blender of garbled words. He finally gave up on talking and stayed quiet looking down, a pink blush now tainting his cheeks.

Wei smiled as he felt tension leave Syaoran. He let the boy have a moment to wind down before continuing on the subject. “Do not feel that she blames you, Master Xiaolang. You’ve done your best and that’s all she could ever ask for. She does not condemn you in anyway, but happy that you’ve returned to her even if she does not show it. And more importantly, she’s seen how you’ve grown as a person and couldn’t be more proud of you.”

Syaoran stared at the butler. He didn’t know how much he had needed to hear those words until now. Even as they entered his ears, Syaoran felt relief course through him. His mother did not consider him a failure. He wondered how he ever came to believe that and realized he must have projected his own insecurities to her. He thought he had known his mother, but Wei’s story had offered him a whole new perspective.

“Thank you, Wei. I needed that.” Syaoran said gratefully. His guardian, he found, often knew the right things to say or do at a situation. Wei accepted his gratitude and excused himself to continue his duties, leaving Syaoran alone in the midday sun, whose rays were beginning to dehydrate him. He grabbed the cold glass and emptied it with several gulps. The cold liquid soothed his thirst and he enjoyed the sensation, all the while pondering now what to do with the rest of his time. He was still worried about his mother, but sitting around moping wouldn’t do anyone any good. His mind then wondered to the blank paper in his desk, and the increasing pile of crumpled drafts in the bin below it. It was time to finish his letter.

***

Wei watched as Syaoran enter the mansion. The boy, unaware of the eyes watching him, had a determined and happy look on his face, a look Wei had seen all too often when he was thinking of her. The cloud that had been hanging over him was gone, at least for now, which gave Wei a slight relief. Over the course of watching the boy grow, he was familiar when his young charge’s brooding expression, a face he had seen all too often. It was an unfitting look for his age, and yet often found itself at home in the young face. Wei could hardly blame him, considering the young boy’s upbringing. Having been born with strong latent magic even by the Clan’s standards meant that a lot of expectations were set on him. From early in his life, Syaoran had been thrust into a myriad of responsibilities and obligations at an age when a child is still struggling to learn the world around him, let alone the intricacies of magic. As a result, Syaoran had grown cold and distant from others, only ever focusing on his duties. Wei was grateful that the time they spent in Tomoeda had changed him for the better. He had learnt the importance of forming good relationships with others and found something else to live for besides the expectations of his Elders.

Still, Wei couldn’t erase the worry in his mind. Syaoran’s duties as a member of the Li Clan had always been a large part of his life. Now he had failed them, and Wei knew that it was affecting him and would continue to do so for the weeks to come. Not for the first time, Wei promised to himself he would always be there to offer his support for Syaoran in whatever hardships he faced.  The old man turned his gaze in the direction of the city and beyond, and thought of another was also fighting for Syaoran’s sake. He gazed long and hard at the cityscape, as if trying to send his concern to her.

_‘Please be well, Mistress Yelan.’_

* * *

 

Yelan Li stood at the center of the dimly lit room. Around her, a platform surrounded her front. The platform bent at four angles, dividing it into five sides. Behind each side sat an Elder whose features were obscured by the shadows. What light was there was mostly cast onto her, putting her on the spotlight both literally and figuratively.  It was a deliberate move meant to intimidate the subject and make them look menacing, but Yelan was able to see through it just as she was able to see and identify each individual Elder even through the darkness. The light shone down upon the floor, where a large writing of letter ‘Li’ was bordered by a large red octagon. Standing perfectly in the middle, Yelan Li bowed politely towards the figure in front of her.

“Head Sorceress of Hong Kong, Yelan Li, answering your summons.”

“Welcome,” replied the thundering voice of the Head Elder. “We’re glad that you could join us.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say about this chapter. Planned to release last week but work got in the way, and also had to make some major changes halfway to writing this one in order to prepare for future developments. Still, I'm glad that the series is picking up, and people seem to like it so far. I hope I can continue making it so. Anyway, here's chapter 5. Chapter 6 coming (probably not too) soon.


	6. A New Perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT UPDATE: For previous readers, the previous chapter has been replaced with this one. The former chapter will be chapter 7.

 

 

Syaoran locked his gaze forward, a fire in his eyes. Here he was again, where he had been defeated so many times before. At the front of his gaze lay his adversary, perhaps one of the most formidable opponents he’s faced. Countless times now he has faced this foe and yet every single time he’s been met with crushing defeat. It was like the time he faced Yue in the Final Judgment and like Yue, the white expanse of his opponent was taunting him, daring him to make a move. He steeled himself and lifted his right hand, which held the tool to conquer this enemy. Slowly, he made his move as the tip of his tool inched closer and closer and closer….

“Argh!” Syaoran screamed in frustration. With a flipping motion, he threw his arms up and threw away the pencil in his hand. The action was followed up with a slam of his forehead on the desk, next to the blank piece of paper on it.

‘ _Why is writing this so hard?!_ ’ he screamed at himself. It was a haunting question, but one he already knew the answer to. If it had been any other person this would be a piece of cake but writing to Sakura for the first time is a big deal for him. He was never really good at expressing his feelings in the first place and each time he managed to get the words on paper, he found what he had produced unsatisfactory for one reason or another and threw it in his trash bin. Syaoran looked at the bin next to his desk, which was almost overflowing with the week’s failures. Before he knew it, the bin had been filled with balls of rolled up papers. The only reason there weren’t more covering the floors was because he spent a long time with each piece of paper, but he knew that was only a matter of time. At this rate, he’d go through an entire tree’s worth of paper before he can finish his letter. Once again, the tiredness crept in and urged him to take a break.

‘ _NO!_ ’ he stressed in his head. ‘ _If you keep postponing this, you’ll end up not doing it at all. It has to be now!!_ ’ Slowly, he felt his determination return. Determined to make a fresh start, Syaoran looked at the trash collecting in the bin again, a reminder of his lack of progress, and decided to empty it. Disposing of it would probably help and he liked to keep his room tidy anyway. He decided the best thing to do was to burn them away with magic, considering the sensitive content of the letters, and had just exited his room to do that when he ran into the last person he wanted to see right now. Two of his sisters, Fuutie and Fanren were walking on the way to their room when they ran into him holding the bin filled with papers , which immediately roused their curiosity.

“Xiao Lang, what are you doing?” asked Fuutie.

Syaoran cursed his luck. “N-nothing!” He stammered out.

Had he kept his cool, Syaoran could’ve avoided any more questions, but his panicked response only fanned the flames of curiosity of his sisters. Fuutie narrowed her eyes on him. “What are you up to, little brother?”

“Yeah what are yo-” Shiefa  followed up but immediately stopped as her face contorted into a look of shock. “Wait a minute! A young man walks out of his room with a bin full of paper. It can’t be! Fudie, you don’t think he’s-” Syaoran didn’t catch that last word as Fanren whispered it to Fuutie’s ear. Whatever it was, it shocked Fuutie upon hearing it. A second later, she bonked Fanren in the head and caused the younger girl to wince in pain.

“Of course not, you idiot! He’s still too young for that! And he wouldn’t be using writing paper!” she exclaimed with a light blush on her face.

“Really?! How do you know that?” Fanren replied with a look of fascination.

“I don’t know! It’s just the way it is!” Fuutie replied hotly.

Not knowing what they were arguing about, Syaoran took his cue nonetheless to leave the scene. His escape proved to be short-lived as he had barely managed to get a few steps away from them when Fuutie called for him. “Wait! Xiao Lang, get back here!”. Syaoran started running faster as the sisters gave chase. In his haste however, a paper ball fell from the bin due to the turbulence.  Cursing to himself, Syaoran turned and went back to fetch it but it was too late. Fuutie’s deft hands grabbed the paper and opened it.

Syaoran stood in defeat as both of them buried their face in the letter. The two girls shared a giggle between them as they connected the dots. When they looked at him again they had a look of smugness, one which Syaoran immediately considered to be the most punchable expression in the world.

“Look, just give it back okay!” Syaoran growled.

“Alright, we understand.” Fuutie said with a smile. She walked slowly to Syaoran and made to place the paper in the bin, which slightly relieved him as she wasn’t making things difficult. His relief however was short-lived as Fuutie made a feint and went behind him instead.  He couldn’t react fast enough and was unable to counter as she quickly locked his arms and held him down, causing the bin to drop to the floor.

“Quick, Huanglian! Get the others!” Shiefa gave a mock military salute and ran to do her duty.

“What are you doing?!” Syaoran shouted angrily while struggling to break free. However, Fuutie’s size advantage was too big to overcome even with his martial arts training.

“Shhh, don’t want to make a commotion now do we?” Fuutie replied playfully.

“Answer me!”

“What do you think we’re doing?”

“You’re going to make a scene and parade those letters around! Honestly, don’t you remember what Mother told us?!” he hissed, feeling furious at his sisters’ childishness.

“Oh, Xiao Lang, how little do you think of us?” Fuutie replied joyfully. “We’d never do something like that to you. On the contrary, we care about you and don’t want to see you troubled.” What she said next brought made him recoil in horror, and he almost wished they _were_ going to ridicule him.

“Which is why we’re going to help you.”

\---

“All clear!” exclaimed Feimei after she made a sweep of the area.

“Okay, come here!” replied Shiefa, who was already with the other two girls and Syaoran. Satisfied that there was no one else, the sisters were excited to start. Syaoran in the meantime, was less enthused about this whole thing.

“I told you already, I don’t need help.” Syaoran uttered in irritation.

“Your graveyard of letters says otherwise.” Shiefa replied teasingly.

“Well, that doesn’t mean I want help, especially yours!”

“How mean!” Feimei pouted in mock offense. “And after we offered it so freely!” The other three nodded in similar feigned sadness.

Syaoran rolled his eyes. “Whatever.” he grunted. “It’s none of your business, anyway.  I’d rather be doing this myself in my room rather than with all of you here.”

“Oh, don’t worry Xiao Lang! With Mother gone, this room is practically unoccupied.” Fanren replied merrily. Said room being the library, which was a large room in the center of the mansion’s interior. It was filled with an assortment of books on various subjects such as history, science, and of course, magic among others. A large table with chairs was provided was in the center of room for leisurely reading.  The books were Yelan’s private collection, so it was not rare to find Yelan here reading up on various books during the day.  Today, it saw use as the sisters’ conference about their brother’s relationship. “And we may not always look it, but we’re your older sisters, Xiao Lang. We’re always here to help, and you definitely need it, especially since it’s taken you almost a week.”

Syaoran made to reply when his sister’s words rang an alarm within him. “Wait a second, how did you know that?”

“Meiling told us.” Fanren replied casually. “Well, not exactly. We were prying her for info on Sakura and she accidentally let it slip you were having trouble. Speaking of which, I can’t believe you’re asking her for relationship advice. You know how weird that is right?”

Syaoran gulped at the question. Fanren had put him on the spot with that one. “Yeah, well, she’s always asking about it and volunteering advice. It’s not like I asked for it or anything…” he trailed off. It was the truth but he couldn’t help feel guilty nonetheless. The only reason Meilin’s so involved is because he’s so clueless about relationships.

“You can’t keep relying on her, you know.  Who knows how hard it must be on her.” Fuutie reprimanded. For once, she had a serious face which was shared amongst the others. Her words earned nods from the other three and Syaoran could only stare downwards in shame. It wasn’t until he felt a hand on his shoulder that he looked up again. Fuutie was looking at him with a smile once more. “Cheer up, little brother! We know you’re inexperienced with these things. That’s what we’re here for, to give you some help.”

Syaoran looked at the smiling figures in front of him. What they said had made sense and they would probably have more insight than Meiling in terms of experience. Besides, looking at their determined looks told him they would not let him leave. With a tired sigh, he resigned himself to his fate. “Fine, I’ll see what you have to say.”

The girls gave a unified “Yay!” at his response and immediately set to work. “So what are you having problems with?” Fuutie asked like a doctor diagnosing a patient. The rest of the sisters leaned closer in anticipation.

 _‘No point being guarded now.’_  Syaoran thought. “Well, I don’t know what to say to her. I’ve never written a letter to anyone before in the first place, let alone someone that… you know.”

“Well, what _do_ you want to say to her?” Fuutie asked.

 Syaoran considered the question. If he were to be honest, there was a lot he wanted to say to her, but it was how he should say it which troubled him. “Well, I guess I’d like to know how she’s doing now, but I’m afraid of saying too much and becoming too pushy. I don’t want to make a mistake and say something that would trouble her.” He finished with a huff. Despite the circumstances, it did feel good to share his worries with someone. Syaoran looked at his sisters, anticipating their input on the situation.

“Oh, don’t worry about that, little brother. Just write how you feel about her!” Fanren suggested.

“Idiot, it’s not that simple!” Shiefa interjected. “He doesn’t know if she likes him back. If he comes on too strong it could scare her.”

“I’m just trying to help.” Fanren pouted in indignation. “Besides, it couldn’t hurt for him to be a little more assertive.”

“This is the first letter he’s writing to her, so he should just take it slow first then work up later.” Shiefa insisted.

“Hmph, I don’t see what makes you the expert. You haven’t even dated yet.”

 “You, that has nothing to do with this!” Shiefa yelled, angered at the personal comment. Fanren replied by sticking out his tongue, which started a verbal showdown. The two of them continued arguing back and forth, listing of each other’s shameful secrets with Feimei and Fuutie joining in to break them up. Syaoran could only sigh tiredly as the sisters were lost in their own business. He had expected this much from them to be honest.

Finally, Fuutie decided she had enough. “Will you two knock it off!!” Fuutie scolded. “You’re both being a nuisance!!”

That brought them back to focus. “Sorry.” They said in unison while bowing slightly at their eldest sister. With that settled, they went back to the matter at hand. Feimei spoke up. “Xiao Lang, didn’t you say back then that she already accepted your feelings? That should make things easier, shouldn’t it?”

“Yeah, how do you know that anyway?” Shiefa asked.

Syaoran’s face reddened considerably and he averted his gaze to the side. “Well, I made something for her back then. It was a teddy bear. Supposedly, if you give a handmade bear to someone you would stay together forever. Before I left, she asked for the bear and I gave it to her.”Syaoran felt his face heat up from embarrassment. He was never the type to buy into superstitions and yet he had bought that teddy bear on impulse, even if he hadn’t fully understood why back then. Even now, it surprised him how uncharacteristic his actions were, and it understandably surprised his sisters too. Their surprise quickly turned to adoration. “That’s so cute!” came their trademark collective cry. Awws and remarks were shared between them, which made Syaoran blush even harder. As he averted his gaze again in embarassment, he noticed Fuutie wasn’t joining in with them. Instead she was quiet and looked deep in thought. She stayed that way for a while before her face suddenly brightened up, as if she was struck by lightning.

“That’s it!” she yelled in excitement.

“That’s what?” Syaoran asked.

“I know how you can write to her!”

“Really?!” the sisters said in unison, this time joined by Syaoran, who was curious what idea his sister had.

“Yeah, just ask her about the bear!” Fuutie replied. She prided herself for her brilliant idea. However, the others did not seem to share her train of thought and displayed their confusion. “Well, think about it. You gave her that bear which was supposed to represent your feelings, so asking her about it gives you a way to show her your feelings without being too direct. It’s the perfect solution.”

Syaoran reacted in astonishment. The minute she explained it to him, it clicked. This was the break he’d been looking for.  He hadn’t seen it that way before but her reasoning made sense and it gave him something to start with. Even the others were already sharing their agreement with the idea. “Yeah, I guess that could work.” Fuutie replied with a triumphant smile.

After that, the rest of the letter flowed relatively smoothly. He found himself more at ease in writing and his sisters didn’t need to help much, so it didn’t take long for him to finish. He reread at the final draft again. It was concise but delivered what he wanted to say, and he was content with that.

“You’re not gonna tell her about the Clan stuff?” Fuutie asked.

Syaoran shook his head. “That can wait. For now, I just want to let her know I’m doing okay.”

“Wow, I can’t believe we did it!” Fanren said happily. “See? There’s no harm in asking us for advice, little brother.”  she prodded teasingly.

“Well, don’t get used to it.” Syaoran replied bluntly. “This doesn’t change the fact that you all forced me into this. This is my private matter and I won’t have you nosing about my business.” The sisters frowned at his sudden cold attitude. “But, if I ever need some help, I guess I can ask any of you.” The sisters looked at him again in surprise. “Thank you.” he added finally.

“You’re welcome!” they replied in unison.

Syaoran looked at the letter again. For once, he had to give credit where it’s due; they definitely helped him this time. He couldn’t help but imagine Sakura receiving the letter and reading it. The thought sent a smile to him.

“She means a lot to you, doesn’t she?” Feimei asked.

The question broke him out of his trance and he realized he had been daydreaming in front of his sisters. They were all looking at him with smiles on their faces, not out of teasing but out of genuine happiness. “Yeah, she does.” he replied firmly. There was no embarrassment in his statement. It was something that he felt sure about more than anything.

Feimei smiled cheerily at him. “You know, you never used to be this open with us. In fact, we didn’t really know how to approach you since you always kept to yourself.” The others nodded in agreement, remembering how he had kept himself so isolated from them or anyone else.  Every day he would only train and study and rarely interacted with anyone else. The only person he would talk to was Wei or their mother while reporting about his duties. Reflecting upon himself, Syaoran had to admit he found his sisters troublesome and avoided talking to them unless it was necessary. Now, he realized that they had been trying to reach out to him yet he had shot then down everytime, and while he still found them to be incurably noisy and nosy, today had shown him his sisters were much more than he thought them to be. It made him feel incredibly guilty for the way he treated them in the past. A gentle touch on his shoulder broke him out the thought, and he looked up to see Feimei smiling at him.

“Don’t worry about that. We’re just glad that you found someone to be happy with. If she brings out the best in you, then we’ll support you every step of the way.” she promised. “That’s what a family does.” The rest of them nodded, signifying their commitment to that promise.

“Thank you.” Syaoran said with utmost sincerity. It was all he could say. They had touched him beyond words and in this moment, there were no words needed. Feimei hugged him tightly and the rest of the sisters followed. This time however, he felt no discomfort and hugged back all of them as best he could.

They stayed that way for a while in a huddle of warmth before Fuutie broke the hug, signaling the rest to follow. “Well, no sense in keeping you here. You’ve got mail to deliver after all.” She winked playfully to him. Syaoran sighed in exasperation, but smiled at her and allowed the slight teasing at his expense this time. All of them exited the library and was heading their own separate ways when they ran into Wei talking seriously on the phone.

“Yes, very well. I shall see you soon. Goodbye.” Wei ended the call and put down the phone. He had a troubled look on his face which surprised all of them. It was rare to see him with anything but a gentle smile on his face. It didn’t take long for him to sense he was being watched and he turned to see the children looking at him with concern.

“Ah, it’s you.” Wei said with the smile plastered back on his face. “That was your mother. She said she’ll be home by the evening.” With that, he took his leave and left as composed as usual. When he did, they shared looks of worry. The feeling of warmth from their moment in the library was now replaced with concern over their mother.

“What do you think happened?” Fanren asked.

“I don’t know, but no sense worrying about it now. We’ll wait until she gets home.” Fuutie said. But even as the words left her mouth, she knew the cloud still hung over their heads, especially Syaoran’s. It was already late afternoon, but it would be a long wait for their mother to come home.

 

 

 


	7. Family Duties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously known as Chapter 6: Familial Conflict, I added the last one which had necessary info for Chapter 8. If you've read this one already, I made some differences to accomodate for Chapter 6 and while the overall content is the same, there is a small but key bit added which will be explored later, so I recommend rereading this, but it's entirely up to you.

  


  


The Li Clan kept a structured hierarchy to manage it’s members. At the bottom are individual families that are divided geographically according to their state of residence. Each family is encouraged to train their children in the arts of magic. Once every few years, a survey is held by Clan officials amongst the families to find magically talented individuals. The members that are old enough and show promise are then selected and tested in their abilities. From these tests, a select few are chosen. They are then trained further in the magical arts. From there, they may be appointed an official position in the Clan and when they have earned their way through the ranks, become a Head Sorcerer. The majority of the families were centered mostly in China’s populated and bustling provinces like Hong Kong. Each Head is given jurisdiction over one province and is in charge of the members of the Li Clan that live in said province, such as keeping track of new members and families, along with giving and passing down orders when necessary. Yelan Li was the Head Sorceress of Hong Kong and therefore charged with the families of the Li bloodline that reside there.

Above the Heads stood the Elder Council, shortly referred to as the Elders. These comprised of men who had served as Heads and/or in their lifetime showed great devotion and provided great service to the Clan.  They were at the top of the hierarchy of the whole Clan, and thus in charge of it’s policies. They were a reclusive bunch, and other than a select few, not many Lis could ever hope to meet them. A compound was reserved in each region for them with a room reserved for their meetings, and it was here in their Hong Kong headquarters where Yelan Li was currently facing them.

 Standing in the center of the room, Yelan surveyed the five figures sitting high in their chairs. They wore identical robes of black decorated with golden dragons embroidered into the fabric, symbolizing their power over the whole Clan. On the right chest was a badge with the Li family name in it. Their faces were obscured by the shadows but she recognized them nonetheless. The two on the left were Huo Shan Li and Xiao Qing Li, the two on the right were Yu Fei Li and Jiang Bao Li, and their center, the Head Elder, Long Wang Li. Sitting straight upwards, the man’s hardened features cut through the shadows. His long white beard and mustache added further to his aged yet harsh appearance. His imposing presence towered even amongst the others, but their collective presence which was more powerful than the sum of it’s parts. Combined, the Elders held large influence and wealth throughout China. This fact alone allowed them to intimidate almost anyone they came across by sheer presence.

 _Almost_ anyone.

“Now with the pleasantries out of the way, let’s get on with the matter at hand, shall we?” said Long Wang. Yelan nodded. She was eager to get this over with.

“Now, I trust you have collected Xiao Lang’s mission report. Tell us what exactly happened.”

And so Yelan did. She relayed everything her son told her; from his mission in Japan all the way to the end of Clow’s trials. Any mention of Syaoran’s feelings was, of course, omitted from her report. Even without such complications, the report she presented was already putting him in a negative light in their eyes as she thought it would. That being said, Clow Reed’s involvement was the one thing they did not expect. She hadn’t even finished before the room erupted into chaos.

“Preposterous! To favor a stranger over his own blood?!  The very idea is laughable!” said Jiang Bao.

“I have told you the proceeding of events as they were told to me.” she replied calmly.

“Yes” Huo Shan cut in. “Told to you by your son, who failed his mission. His word is hardly the most reliable testimony!”

 “His word is the _only_ one that matters. I know my son well enough and he is not the type of person who would lie, even if his reputation’s on the line. If he wanted to deceive me, he would’ve omitted his own mistakes from his report, not admit them.” She had expected this strong reaction from them. The Li Clan owe a great deal of it’s reputation to it’s connection to Clow Reed. The idea that he would work against them would deal a blow to the Li Clan’s reputation should the word spread. Even she had been doubtful when she first heard about it. The evidence Syaoran provided supported his story so Yelan let the matter go for now, though she suspected Syaoran knew more than he was telling. It irritated her nonetheless, how easily the Elders were reduced to pointing fingers at the news.

“Enough” said the Head Elder. His thunderous voice immediately silenced the room. He made everyone was back on attention before turning to Yelan. “Huo Shan brings up a solid point. Is there proof of these claims, or will we have to take your son’s word for it?”

Yelan responded by bringing up her fan, which glowed as she gathered magic onto it. She made a slow deliberate swing of her fan towards the Head Elder. In an instant a wave of air circulated above him, forming a small dot of white light. The air around the center spun faster as the dot enlarged itself to become a sphere. As it reached the size of a football the sphere exploded outwards, dispensing the air around it. Where the sphere had been was now a book. Still glowing in it’s edges, the book slowly descended to the desk in front of the Head Elder.

The Elders immediately brought their attention towards the book and examined it. It was fairly small in size but quite thick. On the front of the book a golden circle decorated the brown leather cover. In the center of the circle was a large ornate symbol of the sun with a similar golden color. On the right side there was a smaller circle depicting the crescent moon which covered a part of the sun.  Both were easily recognizable as the symbol of Clow Reed, however it was the magic within it which lent weight to it’s credibility. Even as traces of Yelan’s magic faded away, the book still radiated a strong magical energy with an unmistakably unique signature; that of Clow Reed’s.

“This is Clow Reed’s diary, which he left behind in his old residence in Tomoeda. He made it’s location known to the girl when she went back in time to meet him. As you can tell, the book is imbued with Clow’s magic. We know that his magic in itself is practically impossible to replicate, but regardless I have examined it thoroughly myself and found no evidence of forgery. As for it’s contents, I have read them and compared them to our own records of Clow Reed. There were some things I couldn’t verify but for the most part it matches with what we know. All this leads me to the conclusion that this book was indeed written by Clow Reed himself.”

The Elders looked the book with cautious interest. An artifact of Clow Reed’s would normally be a welcome find for the Li Clan. This time however, it was presented as proof of a bitter truth. “Does it state the reason for him choosing to entrust the Cards to another person other than his ancestors?” asked Xiao Qing.

“Yes.” Yelan replied. “In the diary, Clow Reed detailed his feelings towards his power and legacy. It appears Clow Reed disliked his status as the most powerful magician ever born and sought of a way to be rid of his title. He then detailed how he foresaw the birth of a child who would one day succeed him, one born of the Stars, and then made preparations for this child long before her birth so that everything would proceed as he planned even after he was long gone.”

“The Japanese girl.” Jiang Bao commented.

Yelan nodded affirmatively. “It’s all written in the book.”

The room was silent for a moment save the murmurs of the Elders whispering to one another regarding this new information. They opened a few pages and skimmed the contents then talked amongst themselves before facing her again.

Long Wang spoke up. “This girl, you have met her once before haven’t you? Is she as powerful as your son says she is?”

“I cannot speak for her current state. I met her when her powers were not yet fully awakened, but I could tell that she had a natural affinity for magic even though she was untrained. Before she left my care I was able to gauge her powers. I sensed she possessed a strong latent magic then, so it is within reason thats she would be powerful if she has realized her full potential.”

“This was at the time of the Water Witch’s resurgence, wasn’t it? If I recall, she was the one who neutralized the rogue spirit.”

“That is true.” Yelan replied.

“And Xiao Lang was unable to defeat the Witch and ended up captured.”

“Yes.”

“And during the Final Judgement, he also failed to neutralize the Moon Guardian due to using the wrong Card.”

“Yes.”

“And to add to it all, he assisted her in converting the Cards to her own instead of attempting to reclaim them, a decision which _you_ allowed.”

“We both know that once the ownership of the Cards cannot be changed once it has been decided through the Final Judgement. As for letting him extend his stay, my son had reasonable motivation to investigate the magical disturbances, so I allowed him to do so. In the end, his investigation did bear fruit; it gave us this diary containing details of Clow Reed’s life, even information not contained in our records.” Yelan stated.

“Perhaps,” said the Head Elder. He stroked his beard contemplatively. “But that is beside the point.”

‘And what point are you trying to make, Head Elder?” Yelan asked, but she already knew where this conversation was heading.

“Putting aside Clow Reed’s interference, the failure of this mission was mostly due to your son’s lack of wisdom. Firstly, he lost to the Witch while the girl was able to defeat her. By your own admission, she had not realized her full powers and was undisciplined in the magical arts, and yet she was able to defeat the Witch while Xiao Lang was unable to despite his training and possessing magic power. This is unrelated to the mission, but it does highlight the problem is with Xiao Lang. His tactical blunder during the Final Judgement further confirms this pattern. By using a Card under the Moon Guardian’s jurisdiction instead of one under the Sun’s, he denied himself an advantage during the fight and cost us all the Cards. Finally, he didn’t return immediately after the mission, but extended his stay and assist his rival in converting the Cards. Even if his intent was to investigate the magical disturbances, it did not mean he had to assist her while doing so. This leads to the fact that you son was unable to assess his situation and lacked strategic prowess in his approach.”

Yelan could feel the anger rising within her. Only her self-control, trained and tested through the years, kept her from unleashing her full-blown rage. She limited herself to a slightly hotter tone as she spoke. “Perhaps that is true, but such is the characteristic of young untrained mage. Despite his powers he is still a mage-in-training, and yet this Council saw fit to send my son to retrieve the Clow Cards anyway. Blunders in strategy are to be expected from one who has been put in the field for the first time, so my son’s actions should not come as a surprise to this Council, especially since it was the decision made by the members here.”

“Know your place, Head Sorceress!” shouted Huo Shan. “It is not to question our decisions!”

Yu Fei nodded. “We have already discussed this matter before. Xiao Lang is the most magically endowed child to be born to the Li Clan in recent years. It is only fitting that he be sent on a crucial mission such as this one and besides, you already know regarding the foretelling. Do you doubt the accuracy of our best seers?”

“Yes, this matter was discussed and my stance on the matter has not changed from back then. Foretelling or not, I warned this Council of the possible outcome of the decision and so far my warnings have proven true. Despite Xiao Lang’s great affinity for magic, he is still a child.”  Yelan reminded.

“That’s hardly relevant. The Li Clan has always trained mages from a young age, something you should know well, Head Sorceress. I’ll grant you that Xiao Lang’s training started earlier than most, but nevertheless he has been provided with the best training we have to master his powers and until now has never disappointed with his results. That he could not apply his training to this mission is a fault in his part, not ours. Or did you forget that his competition was also a child his age?”

“All the more reason to have sent someone more experienced who would’ve had a clear advantage. Excelling in training and being put in the field are two different things, something this Council should be aware of. You judge his abilities from reports of others passed on to you, but I’m his mother. I know his capabilities, I’ve seen them firsthand countless ti-”

“Enough!” Long Wang shouted. “This matter is settled. We will not hear any more of your protests, Head Sorceress. You have tested us far enough. Drop the matter unless you want to end up in a worse position than you’re already in.”

“… Very well, then.” Yelan spoke begrudgingly. Long Wang’s face remained unmoved but a few of them gave a satisfied smile at silencing the sorceress. They immediately concealed them once Long Wang spoke again.

“Anything else you would like to report?” he spoke almost tauntingly.

“No, I’ve reported everything I needed to.” Yelan replied. As it is there was nothing more she could say to improve the situation.

 “Very well, then. You have given us a lot of information to process. The Council will now discuss the next action to take based on this information. You may leave the room for now. We will notify you when we have reached a decision.”

Yelan bowed to them and made to exit the room. As she made to open the door, Long Wang called out to her. “Head Sorceress, you would do well to remember who you serve.”

Yelan didn’t turn around but gave her reply. “I serve my family.”

“The Li Clan _is_ your family, Yelan.”

Yelan stayed silent and left the room. She was immediately met with the two guards standing by the door. One of them took a curious side glance at her. She greeted it with a side glare, which made the guard quickly avert his eyes forward. Paying no mind to the awkward exchange, Yelan made her way away from the room towards the headquarters’ garden. It was filled with various flowers of various colors and trees of various sizes. She walked along the garden’s stone pathway and settled on a small bridge overlooking it’s pond. Yelan surveyed the garden, where various gardeners were tending to the plants. The place was maintained all year round, but the arrival of the Elders had sent the staff into overdrive. After all, the headquarters’ only function was to be used for the Elders but it was a rare occasion when they did come.  As she looked around, the extravagance of the place reminded her of how much of pain it was to cater to the Elders. Truthfully, she didn’t like to spend money maintaining a facility that barely saw use and kept the place to the most economical she could, which was already pretty lavish by normal standards.  She knew for a fact some other Heads spent a lot more on their own region’s headquarters to curry favor towards the Elders. Still, she was thankful for the lush garden now as its serene atmosphere calmed her raging heart.

She looked at her own left hand, which she had kept hidden within her sleeve during the meeting. At some point in her frustration she had clenched the hand hard enough for her nails to pierce her palms and blood was still pouring from the crescent grooves. She closed her hands again and focused magic in her palms. A light appeared in her closed palm and disappeared just as quickly. She opened her hand again to see her palm now clear of blood and injury. Closing small wounds was a simple trick for her. Her mind then drifted back to her current situation.

‘ _If only it was this easy_.’ she thought.

Thinking to the meeting she had just now brought back the anger and frustration. It had proceeded the way she feared it would. She knew that the Elders were being unreasonable because their decision to send Syaoran had backfired. Now they were left with only themselves to blame and they would not point fingers towards themselves. She had hoped the diary would surmount their defensiveness when they saw that Clow Reed had also played a significant part in the affair, but that truth was too bitter to swallow. So they turned the blame to the only person they could: Syaoran. If she were against anyone else, even a fellow Head Sorcerer, the matter would be easier to handle. But she faced the Elders, who were at the top of the hierarchy and had the power to make themselves right. She detested the situation and how powerless she was to help her son.

With a deep breath she recomposed herself. There was no use in dwelling in things that have happened. All she could do now was await their verdict and act accordingly to it. Yelan shifted her attention to her surroundings again and left to patrol the compound. While the Elders convened, she did her job and made her rounds in the compound to ensure their accommodations were taken care of while she waited. She had finished inspecting the security and was in the middle of inspecting the kitchen when she was approached. It was the guard which had peeked at her before. This time he kept his eyes to the side, afraid to meet her eyes. His presence here could only mean one thing.

“Um- Head Sorceress, the Elders request your presence.”

“Very well, I shall be there shortly.” The guard bowed and made to leave.

“And guardsman?”

He turned his head nervously. “Yes, Head Sorceress?”

“It is impolite to speak to someone without looking at their eyes.”

He gulped. “O-Of course, Head Sorceress. My apologies.” he said, making sure to keep his eyes on hers this time. Yelan watched as he made an awkward turn and walked in a hurried pace back to his post. She allowed herself the small satisfaction from unnerving the guard before walking in the same direction to the Elders’ room.

‘ _If only it was this easy.’_

_***_

It was Sunday evening when Yelan finally arrived back at her home. The orange sky was already making it’s way to darkness as her limousine entered the mansion’s gate and made it’s way to the porch, where Wei was already standing by to greet her. Seeing her old guardian and friend brought some relief to her troubled mind and she greeted him with a gentle smile as she got out of her car.

“Good evening Wei. I’ve returned.”

Wei returned the greeting with a bow. “Welcome back, Mistress. Let me carry your bag.” However, Wei’s smile quickly turned to a look of concern as he saw her face. As the two of them made their way up the mansion’s steps, Wei carrying her luggage, he asked her the big question.

“How did it go?”

Yelan had to smile a little at the butler’s forthrightness. Having known her for a long time, he was one of the few people who was able to speak freely to her. Even her own children would hesitate at asking her such a direct question.

“The way I thought it would.” Yelan replied.

“It didn’t go well, then?”

“No, it didn’t.”

Wei nodded understandingly. He walked a few steps ahead and opened the door for her. As Yelan entered, she was greeted with another welcome sight; all five of her children were standing side by side, waiting to greet her. Upon seeing her enter, they immediately bowed.

“Welcome home, Mother.” They said in unison.

It was rare to see all of them so unified and connected. She sensed something and suspected must have happened while she was away, but it was clear that they were also unified in their concern for her. It both touched and saddened her. She could see the worry in their eyes, with Syaoran understandably looking the most stressed. Looking at them reminded her of what she was fighting for. She needed to be strong for them in these hard times.

“It’s good to be back. I trust everything was in order during my absence.” Yelan said in her business-as-usual tone. The children nodded.

“Good then. Now, I will unpack my things. I will see you all at dinner.” Yelan’s tone darkened slightly. “I have an announcement to make.”

For a second time since his return, dinner had a tense atmosphere. Not a word was said in dining room until dinner was over. Thankfully, this time Yelan didn’t prolong their suffering. After the servants left, Yelan immediately cast a spell that encompassed the dining room so that the room was not audible to the outside. Having ensured that there would be no eavesdropping, Yelan addressed all of them.

“As all of you know, the Elders personally tasked Xiao Lang with the mission to capture the Clow Cards. A few days ago, I received a summons from them requesting my presence at the Headquarters, so I left for the weekend to meet them. I have told the Elders everything that had transpired over the course of Xiao Lang’s stay in Japan. Suffice to say, they were not pleased with the results.” Syaoran winced at her last sentence. He had been expecting those words but now that his mother had said them made his problem all the more real. His guilt towards his mother resurfaced and once again wished he could’ve been there to face the Elders himself. At least he would be able to see and judge their reactions himself. There was one particular part which he was concerned about.

“What about the book? How did they respond to it?” he inquired. He had hoped that Eriol’s “diary” would at least alleviate some of the burden off of him.

Yelan looked at him with sharp intensity, which made his whole body stiffen. He could feel her studying him and tried desperately to act inconspicuous. Fortunately, she didn’t stay for long. “I presented the book to your Elders as evidence and vouched for it’s credibility, which they themselves couldn’t dispute. Regardless, they did not take it well.” Those words and her mother’s somber expression while she said them told him everything he needed to know. So much for improving his position, but at least they bought Eriol’s ruse. Getting caught lying would’ve definitely made things worse.

“With all that considered, the Elders have made their decision on the next course of action to take. This matter mainly concerns Xiao Lang, but since you four have included yourselves in the matter, keeping you out of the loop would only present problems in the long run, so listen carefully.” This time it was the sisters’ turn to squirm in their seats, but Syaoran was too focused on his mother to notice.

“After much consideration, the Elders have come to the conclusion that the failure to capture the Clow Cards was due to Xiao Lang’s lack of strategic thinking and mastery of his powers. As such, they have decided that Xiao Lang’s training be more focused. Xiao Lang, you will be trained by a personal instructor appointed by the Elders themselves. I will notify you when they have selected who it is. Your training schedule will also be changed. You will now train during both Saturday and Sunday. Prepare yourself physically and mentally.”

Syaoran processed what he had just heard. Truth be told, it didn’t seem as bad as he thought it would be. He had expected more coming from the Elders. Still, he wasn’t going to let his guard down. He knew that increased training could be tiring and his mother’s warning wasn’t to be taken lightly, but he must face these challenges. He had to be responsible for his mistakes.

“That’s not fair!” Fuutie interjected. “How could they blame everything on Xiao Lang like that? They were the ones who sent him there in the first place!” The rest of the sisters nodded spiritedly in agreement. “They can’t just say everything is his-”

“Do not raise your voice, Fudie.” Yelan said sternly, and that was all it took. The girls immediately settled down and Fuutie made a bow towards her mother. “I’m sorry, Mother.”

Yelan relaxed slightly at her daughter’s apology, which relieved the children. “I understand your frustration, but now is not the time to be consumed by emotion. Right now, we have earned the Elders’s disapproval. We must be careful what we say or do lest we find ourselves in a worse position than we are now. Of course, that extends to the matter of Xiao Lang’s feelings. Not a word about that is to be discussed openly. Is that understood?” The children nodded affirmatively. Sensing their tension, Yelan relaxed her tone. “I know this may be tough on you, especially on you Xiao Lang, but we will get through this together as a family.” That brought the children some level of strength. Yelan rarely encouraged them, but they treasured the moments when she did. She had her way of pulling them all together.

“Now with that done and over with,” she said back in her business-as-usual tone. “You four, have you been practicing your magic?” The sisters tensed up at the question. Having spent the whole day being love consultants, they had forgotten to do just that.

“Um, well-” Fuutie began. What followed was a scolding from Yelan as the sisters tried to explain their excuses. In a moment of rarity, Syaoran also tried to stick up for them. Ultimately though, the sisters were punished for neglecting their obligations for other matters. Underneath the scolding though was a shared relief between all of them and whatever disappointment they had in being reprimanded was outclassed by the feeling that their mother was still strong, enough that she can still act as her usual self even under her stress. She was truly the head of the family, for better or worse.

 

 


	8. The Distance Between Words

 

 

_Tomoeda, Japan_

_One week later_

“I’m home!” Sakura shouted cheerily as she entered her house.

“Welcome home, Sakura-san.” Fujitaka replied from the kitchen. “How was your trip with Tomoyo-san?”

“It was fine.” She replied as she took off her shoes. “We went to Matsumoto-san’s shop with Chiharu-chan and Naoko-chan. Tomoyo-chan wanted to get some supplies for her costumes and Naoko-chan wanted to buy some for a figurine she’s been making. After that, we went to get something to eat at a nearby café. We even had some ice cream.” Sakura rushed eagerly to the kitchen, having caught the familiar scent of her father’s cooking as soon as she entered the house. She peeked at the pot Fujitaka was stirring. “Are we having curry tonight?”

“Yes. Is that okay with you?” Fujitaka asked kindly.

“Of course it is. Dad’s cooking is always the best.” She replied cheerily. “Do you want some help?”

“No, it’s okay. I’m almost done. Why don’t you go upstairs and get changed?”

“Okay!” She had only gone up a few steps before Fujitaka called her again.

“Oh, by the way, a letter arrived for you while you when you were gone.”

Sakura stopped in her tracks. “For me?”

“Yeah, the envelope says it’s from Hong Kong.”

The mention of Hong Kong instantly struck her. Within a second, she had already rushed back down to the kitchen doorway. “Really?!”

“Yeah, I put it on the living room table.” Fujitaka said, pointing at the table.

Sakura made a quick dash to the living room table and picked up the letter. Sure enough, Hong Kong was written as the return address and next to it the sender’s name: Li Syaoran. The name brought an immediate reaction; all at once her cheeks warmed up and a warm feeling flared in her chest. “Thanks, Dad!” she shouted as she rushed back upstairs to her room. With a quick dash, she closed the door to her room and pressed her back against the door, looking at the letter in her hands.

Her unusual behavior earned the curiosity of her guardian. “What’s the matter, Sakura?” Keroberos asked but she ignored him and rushed to her desk. In her mind there was only the letter, sent by the one she loved. Sitting in her chair, her fingers trembled lightly in excitement as she tore the envelope to reveal the letter inside. Immediately, she saw the neat, structured handwriting that could only belong to him. Her heart began to beat faster as she unfolded the paper and read.

* * *

 

_Dear Sakura,_

_At the time of writing this, it has been more than a week since I returned to Hong Kong. It’s amazing how quickly time flies. It seems only yesterday that I was still in Tomoeda with all of you._

_Right now, I’m back in my house with my family. It’d been a long time since I’d last seen them so I was glad that they quickly welcomed me back. I’ve also started school again. Catching up to the subjects has been easy enough since I’m using a language I’m more familiar with. Meilin’s also helping with the materials I missed. She goes to the same school I do, but we’re in different classes._

_Anyways, that’s all I have to say. Just wanted to let you know how I’ve been doing. How are things in Tomoeda? I hope there’s no more magical incidents and you’re doing well. Give my regards to Daidouji and the others too. I hope to hear from you soon._

_Best wishes,_

_Li Syaoran_

_P.S. How’s the bear doing? I may have made some mistakes in making it so I hope it hasn’t fallen apart or anything._

* * *

Reading his name at the end sent her heart into overdrive. She felt as if she was flying in the sky just from happiness, and of all people, she would know with all the times she spent flying. Smiling dreamily, she didn’t notice Keroberos had been floating by her shoulder reading the letter with her. His reaction was unenthusiastic, a direct contrast to his Mistress’.

“So that’s what you’re on about. No wonder you’re acting so weird.” He looked at Sakura’s dreamy face and gave a dismissive wave. “Hmph. All that fuss over nothing if you ask me.”

 “It’s not nothing!” Sakura yelled, startling the little creature. “This is the first news from Syaoran-kun since he went back to Hong Kong.” Keroberos looked at her Mistress’s grumpy face and knew he had stepped on a landmine.

“Okay! I take that back.” he said whilst raising his arms in surrender. “I just don’t see why you’re so hung up on that brat.”

“Oh, Kero-chan. Syaoran-kun’s a kind caring person.” She said, back to her cheery self. She can’t help but be happy while talking about Syaoran. “You just need to get along with him better.”

Kero was unconvinced. “Sure, you can say that. You’re the one he’s always gushing about! That brat’s always trying to pick a fight with me and calling me names. He calls me a plush toy of all things! Me, the Guardian of the Clow Cards, a plush toy! The nerve! Why, I oughta-”

Keroberos’ ranting fell on deaf ears as Sakura’s mind was once again on Syaoran. The days after he left had seemed to pass unbearably slow so the letter was a big deal for her. It showed that he still thought of her and made the distance between them seem smaller if only by a little. Staring longingly at the letter, her thoughts drifted to it’s author who was across the sea from her, and she couldn’t help but wonder how he was doing there.

***

_Li Clan Training Grounds, Hong Kong_

“Again!”

Syaoran rose up with sword in hand as his instructor entered a battle stance. Beads of sweat rolled down his head, obscuring his vision. He wiped them away and put all his focus on his opponent. With a Clasping his sword with both hands, he readied it in front of him for another round.

With a quick dash, his instructor immediately closed the distance between them and swung his sword. Syaoran defended the blow, clashing the blade with his own. With effort, he pushed the blade away and countered with a high strike, but his opponent quickly blocked the attack and gave a powerful slash towards Syaoran, which he again blocked. They continued to exchange blows until Syaoran started losing ground. It wasn’t long before he was entirely on the defensive. Syaoran pushed his senses to it’s limit and desperately tried to read his opponent’s movements to find an opening, but each time he tried to push back he got pushed back further. Realizing soon he’ll be backed to the wall, Syaoran dodged a heavy swing from his opponent and made a long leap to the side. He recovered quickly and rose to face his opponent again, only to realize the instructor had fired a bolt of lightning towards him. Insinctively, he immediately took out his paper charm and threw it upwards. As he put his sword out horizontally in front of him and steadied it with both hands, the casting paper came back down and stuck itself to the sword’s midsection.

“God of Thunder, answer my call!”

A bolt of lightning burst forth from the paper and collided with his opponents’ a meter away from him. The clash created a blinding display of light before exploding in a wave of air and electricity. Syaoran tried leap backwards to escape the blast but he was too late. The shockwave hit him square on the body and threw him backwards in the air. He glided a few meters before he skidded on his back to a stop across the floor. A painful moan escaped him as pain immediately coursed through his body, and it took enormous effort to get his body moving through it. Somehow he managed to get into a sitting position only to find his instructor looking at him with disapproval.

“Terrible! Your form is unorganized, your reflexes are way too slow, and your spells are a joke! What the hell have your previous instructors been teaching you?! You’ll get nowhere if you keep this up!”

Syaoran slowly rose up using his sword to support his weight. The pain was still fresh in his body but not as intense. He looked at his instructor again who was already waiting to begin sparring again. This was his first session with this new instructor, Fang Zhi Li. His mother had warned him the man was notoriously tough. He was a trainer appointed to advanced students who were trained to go out in the field for tough missions and notorious for his authoritarian methods. Nonetheless, he had not expected the man to be so aggressive on their first session, especially since Fang Zhi had said this first session was only to test the extent his new student’s abilities. As it is, his abilities were far beyond any instructor he has been assigned to.

Sure enough, he was already berating Syaoran again. “Are you going to just stand there like a statue or are you ready to continue?!”

Syaoran suppressed the urge to collapse and lie down on the floor. Slowly, he entered his battle stance once again. Fang Zhi readied his own stance and both combatants started locking their blades again. This time however, Syaoran was unable to defend as smoothly since the pain was restricting his movements. It wasn’t long before his guard was broken. With a quick swing, Fang Zhi pushed away his sword and left him open to attack. The man delivered a strong kick to Syaoran’s abdomen knocked him off his feet. Once again, he found himself flat on the ground on his back. The difference was this time a sword was pointed on him a few centimeters away from his face. Holding that sword was Fang Zhi, looking at him with disapproval.

“Disgraceful! This time you went down even faster. It’s clear that your stamina is also lacking.” The stone-faced man withdrew his sword from Syaoran’s face. “Get up!” he ordered. Syaoran got up and cleared the dust from his robes before facing Fang Zhi again. The man was not pleased. “Your performance today is abysmal!  From combat skills to magic mastery, you are lacking in all aspects. It’s no wonder you were not able to gain mastery of the Clow Cards with this level of skill.” He winced upon hearing those words. True, he had spoken it over and over his mind but having someone else say it in a tone full of disdain was different. It’s struck a chord within him and it was all he could do to keep his expression still. “It’s clear to me that I have my work cut out for me. I’ll have to train you from scratch. Next time, I expect your best performance, so you better deliver or you’ll face the consequences .” Syaoran nodded compliantly. It was the best course of action for someone like him.

“That’s it for today. You’re dismissed!” Fang Zhi turned away from him and left the training arena. When the man was out of sight, Syaoran allowed his body to relax and fall to his knees. His mother hadn’t been kidding; the man was tough with his words and had the skills to back them up. The last time he felt so helpless against an opponent had been when he fought Yue during the Final Judgment, and while that remained the most difficult battle he’s ever had so far, this last one was definitely amongst the top of the list.

Syaoran summoned all his willpower and squashed the thought. He would not last throughout this ordeal if he kept staying on his knees. Ignoring the places in his body that screamed pain, Syaoran managed to get back up on two feet again. He walked haggardly towards the exit of the training arena, not noticing the curious eyes that were watching him.

The training grounds were an hour’s drive away from his house, and for the first time he slept throughout the journey. It was only the driver’s words telling him they had arrived that stirred him from his sleep. The fact that he dozed off reminded him just how much of his energy today’s session had taxed him. He got out of the car rather sluggishly and reexamined his body. Sleep had taken care of some of the fatigue, but he still had aches and pains on his limbs and stomach where Fang Zhi had kicked him. Going up the porch stairs in particular reinvigorated the aches on his thighs.  He entered the house feeling strained and was immediately greeted by his mother, who was standing in front of him as if she had been waiting there the whole time. The sight surprised him, and it took him a moment before his shock wore off and he bowed to her.

“I-I’m home, Mother.” Syaoran stuttered.

Yelan stayed silent and continued staring at him. Once again, Syaoran felt like he was being read like a book. After a while, she finally spoke. “How was your training today?”

Syaoran considered his words. He wasn’t going to lie and tell her everything went fine. She could tell if he lied and his body language has probably given her a clear picture anyway. Still, he didn’t want to whine and complain to her and he didn’t exactly relish the thought of telling her that he got thrashed, no matter how powerful his opponent had been. He had to be stronger than that.

“It was… difficult.” Syaoran admitted. “He is as strong as you said he was and just as strict if not more. It was admittedly tough to keep up with him, but I should be able to keep up once I adjust to his training.” His voice finished rather shakily. Truth be told, he wasn’t exactly sure he could keep up. Syaoran desperately tried to mask his doubt with a straight face.

“I see.” Yelan said blandly. Her sharp eyes were on him again and Syaoran felt his body tense up despite the aches. She seemed to be looking for something but he didn’t know what, which further added to his discomfort. Fortunately, she didn’t linger on him for too long. “Well, that’s good then. Go freshen up and come to dinner.” With that she turned and went back further into the house, leaving her confused son behind. Even for his mysterious mother, that had been a weird exchange.

 _‘I guess she must be worried.’_ he thought. He’d be lying if he didn’t think her worries were justified. All the same he was determined to get through this. The Clow Cards were his failure and if going through to rigorous training was his sentence than he would serve it indefinitely. He had to adapt and get stronger, but he knew the process was not going to be a fast one.

Sure enough, his second training session didn’t get any easier. This time, his spell casting skills were put to the test. Multiple wooden targets had been set up around the training area set to pop up at random intervals. Placed upon them were magic charms that had been set up to shoot off a magic bolt as soon as the target popped up.  Each charm had a different symbol which indicated the element it would produce. These targets surrounded Syaoran, who stood at the center with his sword in one hand and casting paper in the other. The idea was that he would have to react quickly and sense any incoming attack to counter with his own. To add to the difficulty, his movements were limited to a small circle in the center. The whole set-up was intricately designed and Syaoran couldn’t help but give credit to his trainer. Fang Zhi definitely took his training seriously.

“Begin!”

His instructor’s words resounded like thunder through him. Syaoran was immediately on the alert, sensing his surroundings for any spike in magical energy that indicated an imminent attack. Not a moment later, he detected one coming from his right and immediately faced the direction with his sword and paper. A wooden target popped up with a written charm carrying the fire symbol. A bolt of fire immediately shot out from the target to Syaoran. Wasting no time, he entered his casting stance.

“Water Dragon, answer my call!”

A stream of water shot forth and neutralized the oncoming flame. However, Syaoran didn’t have time to relax as he sensed another magical spike coming from his behind. He immediately turned around just in time as another wooden target popped up. This one had a lightning charm written on it and immediately shot lightning at him. Syaoran hurriedly cast a bolt of lightning and countered. Having neutralized the attack, he immediately turned to the next target. This continued on for some time as Syaoran raced to sense the direction of the next attack and block it. He was starting to find himself in a steady rhythm when a particularly strong spike sent him on alert. A bolt of lightning had been discharged and was coming at him. Syaoran immediately countered with his own lightning which collided with the opposing force. However, his magic proved to be the lightning broke through his and headed straight for him. Reflexively, he lifted up his sword and prepared to block the attack. The magical bolt collided with his blade, creating a show of light and electricity. The force itself sent him back a few steps and forced him on one knee. Slightly staggered, he made to to get back on his feet when he sensed another magic spike behind him. Syaoran made to turn but he was too late to intercept and a blast of wind hit him square in the body, sending him back and knocking him off his feet and outside the bounds of the circle. Once again, he found himself on the ground as his instructor mouthed him off.

“A very poor performance!” Fang Zhi said whilst he shook his head. He looked disapprovingly as Syaoran got back up on his feet. “Warriors do not have the luxury of being complacent! Or do you expect your enemies to hold back their strength for you?”

It took Syaoran a moment to process what had happened. He had gotten used to the random nature of the spells coming from different directions. What he had not anticipated was the intensity behind the last attacks. He had been countering the spells with a certain amount of power to disarm them and was caught off-guard by the increase in power in the last one. Now he realized that it wasn’t just the direction and timing which was erratic, but the intensity of each attack too.

“I’m sorry, Teacher. It will not happen again.” Syaoran bowed in apology.

“That remains to be seen.” Fang Zhi replied cynically. With that, he went back outside the area to observe Syaoran. “Ready yourself!” Syaoran took the cue and readied himself for another round.

In the end, he didn’t manage to do any better than his first session. The continuous use of spells quickly drained him of his magic and stamina and the berating of his instructor drained him mentally. Syaoran left the training grounds that day burnt out and much like last time, he had been too tired to stay awake on the journey back, though he didn’t mind. Sleep was a pleasant break from his stressful thoughts. When he reached home, his mother wasn’t waiting for him at the front like last time. He ran into her later as he was walking up the stairs to go to his bedroom. Instantly, she locked eyes with him.

“How was your training today?” she inquired.

 _‘What is there to say?’_ he thought inwardly. There hadn’t been much change since last week. If anything he was worse off today. Syaoran thought of an answer that would satisfy her.

“It was difficult, but I’m doing slightly better. I’ll do my best to keep up.”

She contemplated his answer. “Very well, then.”  Yelan replied and she walked past him down the stairs. As Syaoran started to walk up however, she called back to him. “A letter arrived for you this afternoon. I’ve put it on your desk.” Her words rang an alarm in his head. What she said next however, sounded blaring sirens. “It came from Japan.”

Syaoran stood with a flabbergasted look. In contrast, Yelan’s expression remained calm as she walked down the last set of stairs. “Don’t take too long. It’ll be dinner soon.” she told him nonchalantly.

“Thank you, Mother!” he replied before rushing upstairs. The tiredness he felt before had been all but forgotten as he raced to his room. His eyes immediately settled on his desk, where a white envelope had been placed on top. He gave a cautious sweep of the corridor before closing the door and locking it behind him. Ensured of his privacy, Syaoran sat down and looked at the envelope, where her address and name was written. As if handling a fragile item, he slowly opened the envelope and took out the letter carefully. He unfolded the paper in the same careful manner and read.

* * *

 

_Dear Syaoran-kun,_

_It’s so nice to finally hear from you! I’d gotten a little worried since I haven’t a word from you since you went back to Hong Kong. It’s a relief to know that you’re back home and doing okay!_

_I’m glad that you’re doing well in school, though it’s not surprising. You’re smart and a hard worker, Syaoran-kun. Me on the other hand, I’ve always had difficulty studying, especially in math. In fact, I got the lowest score in math in last week’s test! I didn’t get much time to study since we were taking care of magical disturbances at the time. Tomoyo-chan’s been helping me study to make up for it though, so I’ll definitely catch up! She says she wants my help for a special project in return for her help and it involves the Cards, so I’m a little worried. But there’s no need to be alarmed! It’s been quiet and peaceful ever since we converted the last of the Clow Cards, although it is a bit too quiet though without you here, Syaoran-kun._

_That’s about everything that’s happened so far. I’m glad that you’re doing fine. I’ve relayed your message to our classmates and they all wish you the best in Hong Kong. Yamazaki even says he misses you and says to hurry back and visit. I miss you too and I hope you’ll visit us when it’s possible, but I understand if you’re busy. I hope this letter reaches you and I can hear from you soon!  I’ll be waiting for your reply till then!_

_Your dear friend,_

_Sakura Kinomoto_

_P.S. The bear is fine! You’re worrying too much. It’s really well-made and sturdy. Kinda like you, Syaoran-kun! I’ll make sure to keep it in good condition for you so you can see it when you visit._

* * *

 

Syaoran leaned back in his chair, letter still in hands. All at once, the weight that he had felt before seemed to disappear and he felt he could fly away. Right now, all he felt was happiness. She had replied to him, it was more than anything he could have imagined. He marveled at how open she was even in her letters and couldn’t help but remember his own brief letter, which took him along time to write. In comparison, hers showed that she had no problems putting her thoughts on paper. Sakura was always adept in speaking out her feelings, so it was no surprise her language was so relaxed and even had personal touches here and there. In particular, he noticed she had used the Chinese letters to write “your dear friend”, which she had once inquired him about when she got a letter from Meilin. The letters she asked back then were “my dear friend”, which meant she learnt the Chinese letter for “your” herself to write it for him. The effort which she put on that alone put him to shame but at the same time gave him immense joy that she would go to such lengths for him. That joy was perhaps rivaled by how happy he was that she had replied positively regarding the bear, something which he had been particularly nervous about writing even with his sisters’ encouragement.

These thoughts raced in his head as he reread the letter over and over, not wanting to miss anything. Finally done, he put it back on the table and closed his eyes. He imagined her features, her smile, her beautiful emerald eyes and auburn hair and thought about how great it would feel to see her again. That was his ultimate goal, to find his way back to her and if he had to face defeat over and over again to do so, so be it.

‘ _I have to get through this. I’ll find my way back to you, I promise.’_ he vowed silently.

That day, for the first time in his life, Syaoran was late for dinner.

  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit nervous about this one. I never wrote a letter or a fight scene before so I don't know how well that turned out. Tell me what you guys think in the comments.


	9. Instability

 

 

“Hello, Li Xiao Lang.”

Syaoran looked at the boy facing him. He was slightly taller than Syaoran and judging by his slightly deepening voice also older too. Two other kids stood behind him looking at Syaoran with similar disdain, and Syaoran surmised he was the leader among them. Some other trainees were also looking at them with interest, which told him the kid must also be well-known amongst them. Syaoran didn’t really care about all that though. What he did care about was that they were blocking his way to his training court.

“Would you kindly move out of the way?” Syaoran asked calmly.

 The kid chuckled in response. “Always in a rush, aren’t you? I haven’t even introduced myself.” He bowed mockingly at Syaoran. “My name’s Su Bao.” He grinned wolfishly at Syaoran. “It’s pleasure to finally meet you, Li Xiao Lang.”

“Likewise. Now if you don’t mind, I have somewhere to be.” Syaoran moved forward to pass, but the three immediately reacted and tightened their blockade. Su Bao took a step forward, bringing himself closer to Syaoran.

“Of course you do. Off to your little private training ground, right?” He wasn’t smiling now and when he spoke again there was malice in his voice. “You know, I’ve been watching you for a long time since now ever since you first started coming here. The prodigal boy always trained differently from us commoners. You never bat an eye towards us, and why would you? We’re all nothing compared to you, right?” His tone was dangerously hostile now and the air between them became even tenser. Some of the trainees were holding their breath in anticipation.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Syaoran replied calmly. He didn’t want to raise his tone lest he escalate the situation.” I’ve never once thought anything like that. We’re all just studying magic the best we can.” It was the truth. He had never considered himself superior to them, but one look at Su Bao told him the boy wan’t interested in his reasoning.

Su Bao laughed sarcastically. “Sure, we’re all the same. That’s why you were trained differently than us. You, the Elders’ golden boy, the one they sent on their special mission.” He took another step forward. Now they were face-to-face, and Syaoran could see the burning hate in his eyes. “How’d that go, anyways? I heard you failed miserably. Makes sense since they’re drilling you hard right now.”

“That doesn’t concern you.” Syaoran replied bluntly.

“Oh, is that so?” Su Bao hands clenched into a fist and his whole body trembled with rage. Syaoran tensed up, ready to react at the first sign of attack.

“Su Bao, get over here! We’re going to begin training!” Syaoran looked to the source of the voice. An instructor was calling for him. The trainees watching them had dispersed and were doing warm-ups. Su Bao glared at the instructor and uttered a curse under his breath before turning his attention back to Syaoran.

“You got lucky, golden boy. That won’t happen the next time.” He vengefully vowed. Su Bao motioned towards his lackeys to follow and moved towards the training court. As he passed Syaoran, he forcefully bumped into his shoulder. “I’ll knock you off your high horse soon enough.” he added finally. The other two nodded in agreement and glared daggers at Syaoran as they left.

_‘Whatever. I have more important things to worry about._ ’ He decided, but as he walked towards his training ground, he pondered what Su Bao had said about watching him since he first started training. The other trainees had seemed to show interest as well, which was surprising to him. Then again, he had never paid much attention to the other Clan trainees. For a moment he considered whether or not he thought himself better than them but dismissed it immediately. He had only always watched them training together from afar. Meanwhile, he was trained privately with his instructors. So it was more indifference towards them rather than arrogance, although to be fair he was aware of how interchangeable both can be.

“Get over here now, child! I don’t have all day.”

The commanding shout of his instructor snapped him back to the world. Fang Zhi was waiting at the center of the court impatiently. Syaoran quickened his pace and hurried to meet him.

“You’re late.”

Syaoran bowed his head. “I apologize, Teacher. I was held up briefly.”

Fang Zhi dismissed him with a wave. “Your excuses are no concern of mine, only your training.”

“Yes, of course.”

Fang Zhi grunted in response. “Get ready. We’ve wasted too much time as it is.”

Syaoran immediately got himself ready and summoned his sword from his pendant. Feeling the familiar weight in his hands, he did a few swings and thrusts. While he warmed up, he glanced at the trainees’ court opposite of his who were also in the middle of warming up. They had been divided into several lines and were following their instructors’ movements. It was a familiar sight, yet now he was looking from a different perspective. Watching them highlighted how differently he was treated from them up to now. It was only natural that they would make their own assumptions of him, which led him to a question; one that he never thought of asking.

‘ _Why?_ ’

The word felt novel and unfamiliar in his mind. For years now, he had always performed his duties to the Clan whether it was learning magic or martial arts and not once as he ever questioned them. It was simply what the Clan demanded and each time he had always obeyed their commands and did what they asked of him until…

Until he failed to retrieve the Clow Cards.

This brought another question to his mind. Of all the people they could’ve chosen, he was the one who was sent to retrieve the Cards directly by the Elders’ request no less. While back then he had felt somewhat honored at their trust, he had mostly felt intense pressure to succeed. Not that it mattered in the end; his focus towards the mission took a backseat as something or rather someone else began to occupy his thoughts, though now he doubted he had the skills to complete the mission even without his feelings for Sakura distracting him. Syaoran began to recall how many times he had relied on her to capture the loose Cards, how drained he had felt each time he used his Cards and his immense frustration at his lack of success. This was the dark side of his time in Japan, one that he had never shared to anyone. He had thought he had put it behind him after so much had happened but the memories were now resurfacing, much to his discomfort.

“LI XIAO LANG!!!”

Fang Zhi’s shout cut through his reverie. He turned his head to where the instructor was looking angrily at him, a familiar sight as of late. Syaoran immediately recomposed himself to avoid further reprimand.

“Do you expect your opponents to wait till you finish daydreaming?!”

“No, Teacher. Forgive me.” Syaoran finished the last of his warm-ups and faced him with his battle stance.

“Apologies do not win battles.” Fang Zhi remarked. The hard-faced man took position in front of Syaoran and clasped his palms together. Magic energy glowed between his hands and slowly his right hand moved away from the left. As he did, the right hand clasped the energy which took the shape of a handle. Fang Zhi pulled away further as a sword seemingly appeared out of the left palm. Releasing the sword fully, Fang Zhi entered his battle stance and pointed his blade at Syaoran.

“Get ready.” he ordered.

“Yes, Teacher.” Syaoran replied. Syaoran pushed down his lingering doubt. Right now, all that mattered was the present. He had failed and this was his punishment.

Fang Zhi made the first move and closed in on him. Syaoran reacted and did likewise a fraction of a second later. Both combatants met halfway and clashed their blades. The sound of metal colliding began to fill the court as both of them were attacking and blocking each other’s swords,  with Syaoran mostly doing the latter as Fang Zhi gradually increased his offense and slowly pushed him backwards. He did his best to keep the swings and thrusts at bay, each time feeling the power of the attacks reverberate from his sword to his wrists. It was slowly draining his stamina and he knew it was a matter of time before Fang Zhi broke through his defense. Syaoran followed his opponent’s attacks, desperately trying to make an opening. He met a swing by Fang Zhi by his own and gave all his power to push the instructor’s blade away, leaving his body open. Syaoran retracted his sword and pushed it forward into a thrust towards Fang Zhi’s throat to force him to submission. However, Fang Zhi dodged and used the momentum from Syaoran’s blow to spin and avoid his blade. Syaoran was unable to react as Fang Zhi swiftly spun around him and struck his back with an elbow. The sharp bone hit him on the muscle beside his shoulder blade and sent him reeling forward in pain. Sensing he was in danger, Syaoran used the momentum to propel himself forward and gain some distance. As he did, he took out his casting paper and readied to attack. Using his landing foot as a fulcrum, he spun his body around and faced Fang Zhi to cast his attack.

“God of Fire, answer my call!”

The second he cast the spell Syaoran immediately felt something was off. He could feel the energy flowing from him to the paper, but it was not coming as smoothly. It felt heavy, like something was resisting it’s flow. He pushed with all his willpower against the resistance but was unprepared for what followed. Intense heat racked his insides as the magic inside him flurried uncontrollably. It felt as if the flames he was trying to unleash broke free inside him instead. Syaoran gathered all his willpower and made a final push. At last, he expelled the energy out  in a stream of flame. Fang Zhi immediately readied his counter and ran his hand through his sword causing it to ignite in flames. With a powerful swing, he threw the flames towards Syaoran’s own, creating an arc of fire. The arc immediately cut through Syaoran’s flame like butter and headed straight for Syaoran. He quickly leapt to the side and barely managed to dodge it as the flame grazed the side of his face, burning a part of his right cheek. Distracted by the pain, Syaoran noticed too late that Fang Zhi had already closed the distance between them. Syaoran lifted his sword reflexively but Fang Zhi struck it before he could fully prepare. With a deft move the man disarmed Syaoran’s sword and placed his own inches from Syaoran’s neck, effectively ending the battle.

“Tsch.” Fang Zhi spat out in disgust. He stared into Syaoran with contempt before removing his sword from the boy’s neck. Syaoran let out his breath in a rush and rubbed his neck reflexively.

“Was that attack supposed to harm me? Even an amateur would have no problem countering that.”

“Yes, Teacher. I must’ve made a mistake during casting my spell.” Syaoran said. Despite that, he found it hard to believe his own words. From his stance to summoning the magic power, he felt he had done everything right. Something must’ve went wrong though if he had difficulty in bringing out his power. The unexpected resistance had reduced his spell’s potency and he had only managed to put out a fraction of the power he intended.

“Simple mistakes like that are unbecoming of a proper mage. We’ll take a short break. When we resume, I expect you to use your abilities properly.”

“Yes, Teacher.” Fang Zhi went away and sat down to meditate as he usually did on his rest. Syaoran let out a tired breath and turned to rest on his own when he saw them. The trainees having taken a break from their own training were watching him. Upon seeing him looking back, some of them hastily averted their gazes and pretended to converse each other but a few of them kept, including the three kids who had antagonized him earlier, kept looking at him. Su Bao and his lackeys in particular had a look of malicious enjoyment.

Looking at Su Bao highlighted an unexpected problem. Syaoran knew his actions had affected the Elders but he had never thought the effect he had upon those on the others like him.  Being kept separate from them had allowed some of them to form their unfavorable image of him and his current position gave them the weakness needed for some of them to begin their attack.  ‘ _Let them come. I won’t be a part of their game._ ’ Syaoran thought bitterly. Whatever petty grudges they had against him were nothing compared to facing the punishment of the Elders. After all, they were trainees just like him.

Only he _wasn’t_ the same as them. From the way he was trained separately from the,, the line between them had been drawn clearly since the first day he was introduced to the magical arts. Again the questions returned to his mind. Where did he place amongst the Clan? Was he a trainee? An advanced learner? Or was it something else entirely? And where was his place now after his failure to capture the Clow Cards?

Before Syaoran could open that can of worms again, Fang Zhi called for him. “Come on, child! The time for rest is over!”

“Yes, Teacher!” he replied. Syaoran headed to the center of the court and both of them readied their weapons once more.

“No more mistakes, child. There is no place amongst the Li Clan for a fumbling mage.”

That last sentence brought his earlier thoughts back to the surface. Syaoran inhaled sharply and suppressed the feeling, lest his teacher mistake his discomfort as defiance.

“Yes, Teacher. I’m ready.” he said. With that, they clashed blades once more.

**

 

Syaoran entered his home wearily and shambled to his room. This was becoming a frequent occurrence as of late much to his dismay. He was tired of coming back from training with nothing to show for it but fatigue.

Well, this time he _had_ returned with something. Syaoran felt the burn in his cheek where Fang Zhi’s spell had grazed him. He hadn’t gotten a chance to inspect it yet but from the way the wound felt in his touch and the waves of pain coming from contact with his fingers, it was pretty bad. ‘ _I barely managed to dodge that. What happens if I’m not so lucky the next time?_ _I might get a worse injury than this._ ’ He shuddered at the thought. Explaining this one to his mother was going to be unpleasant.

“You’re home, Xiao Lang.”

Syaoran immediately straightened up in reaction. He turned to the source of the voice behind him and looked at his mother. She had a knack for appearing at exactly the right moment and many times Syaoran questioned whether or not it was coincidence. Knowing his mother, he wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t.

“Good evening, Mother.”

Upon seeing him, Yelan grimaced slightly and her eyes narrowed on his right cheek, where the burn wound was. Despite the minimal change in her expression, Syaoran could tell she was startled. “You are injured.” she spoke half in surprise and half in acknowledgement.

Syaoran lifted his hand up to cover the burn from sight. “Yes, I…made a slight mistake and got grazed by a fire spell. It’s a small wound though, so it’s nothing to worry about. It won’t happen-”

“Enough.” she said sharply. Syaoran complied and clamped his mouth shut. His mother looked troubled and he dared not say more lest he gets caught in her temperament.

To his surprise, she gently put her hand over the wound, cupping her palms as to make sure to not touch it directly. “Be still.” Yelan ordered. She closed her eyes and concentrated. A light shone from inside her cupped hand and Syaoran felt magic flow to his wound, creating a tingling sensation as it made contact. The feeling gradually dissipated until all he felt was warmth. The light then faded and Yelan took her hand off his cheek and Syaoran slowly raised his own hand to touch it. Where the wound had been he now felt the usual softness of his skin.

“Don’t ever make light of injuries, Xiao Lang. Your safety always comes first.”

 “Of course, Mother. I’ll be sure to take care of myself.” Syaoran rubbed his cheek where traces of her warmth and magic lingered. “Thank you.”

Yelan nodded but her face didn’t ease up. She turned and walked away without a word, leaving his son confused by her actions. He couldn’t shake off the feeling that she was troubled and the feeling lingered even as he later joined his family at the dining room. Syaoran kept sneaking glances to his mother, looking for signs but as per usual Yelan did not show any outward sign of emotion, which made her after dinner announcement all the more shocking.

“I will be going away for sometime. There are Clan affairs that I must attend to.”

 The sudden news was met with surprise by him and his sisters. “When?” Shiefa asked.

“I’m going to take an early flight to Beijing tomorrow.” The mention of Beijing alerted the children. They knew it was the Li Clan’s central headquarters, so whatever she had to do must be important.

“How long will you be gone?” Syaoran asked.

“I do not know.” she replied, which surprised her children again. Usually she would never give anything but a straight answer. “These affairs might take a while, but I’ll try to sort them out as quickly as I can. In the meantime, Wei will watch over you five. Report any problems you have to him.” Her face furrowed slightly. “All of you, please take care of yourselves and each other while I’m gone.” She turned her head towards her son. “Especially you, Xiao Lang.” she added lastly.

“Wait a minute. What are you going to do there?” Fuutie asked.

“I’ve told you already; to sort out Clan affairs.”

“What kind of affairs?” Fuutie pressed.

“It’s nothing for you to be concerned about.”

Fuutie gritted her teeth. “I think we have a right to be concerned. You said it yourself; we’re all in this together now. I don’t see why you have to hold things back from us.” Syaoran and the others tensed. Fuutie’s voice was slowly escalating and the atmosphere around them was becoming unpleasant. They drifted their eyes to Yelan to see her reaction.

“There are things that you are still not ready for.  Just know that whatever I do, I do it for our family. You’ll have to trust me on that.” Yelan spoke calmly yet firmly, which made her stance on the matter clear; she would not tell them anything.

Fuutie wasn’t discouraged . Instead, she dove further into her emotions. Placing her hands on the desk, she stood up abruptly to showcase her defiance, startling her siblings. “How do you expect us to trust you if you don’t’ trust us enough to tell us anything? You expect us to be a part of this Clan when you never tell us anything about it?” Shiefa, who sat beside her, put her hands on her sister’s shoulder to placate her. “Calm down, Fudie. This isn’t doing anyone any good. Just let it go.” she whispered desperately. The rest of them were cautiously watching Yelan, who stayed silent and locked eyes with her eldest with a calm yet powerful stare.

“If I don’t tell you something, it is because it’s something you don’t need to worry about. Needlessly worrying about something you can’t change will only make things worse.”

“So the only solution is to keep us in the dark? Having the Clan ostracize us is bad enough without _you_ doing the same thing! We’re your children! We’re in this as much as you are!”

“And that is _exactly_ why you don’t need to know. There are some things that you’re all not ready yet, this is one of them. Your present display of impetuousness now only further proves this.” Both of them were getting heated to the point where Syaoran and the others were afraid to speak lest the heat turned to them. It was all they could do to observe as the atmosphere became tenser. Perhaps sensing the same thing, Yelan decided to end the argument before it could escalate. “ _Enough_.” The fiery weight on her words stunned Fuutie even through her rage. “My mind is made up and I will not hear anymore on this matter. You are all dismissed. I will retire to my room now. I have an early flight to catch tomorrow.” With that, she stood up and left, leaving her children in the dining room. Syaoran and the three sisters let out a sigh of relief before turning their attention to Fuutie, who was still standing. Her teeth were tightly locked in a scowl and her whole body trembled in intense emotion.

“Fudie-” Feimei called as she reached out a hand to her sister.

Fuutie pushed her hand away with enough force to stagger her. The action shocked the people present, which made them unable to react as she dashed outside of the dining room. Syaoran watched as the rest of the sisters followed suit, leaving him to reflect on what had transpired.

That had escalated out of control but if he were being honest, he wasn’t completely shocked by the turn of events. During his time in Tomoeda, Syaoran had improved his sensitivity towards people and situations. While it’s not as sharp as Tomoyo’s or her mother’s, he was able to pick up on the tension between his eldest sister and mother during his first dinner in Hong Kong, which from what he gathered stemmed from Fuutie’s own issues with the Clan. Further developments had made the problem more apparent, so it wasn’t like today had no precedent. All the same, he had not expected Fuutie to go head-to-head with their mother.

‘ _I can relate.’_  Syaoran thought glumly and looked back to the events of the afternoon. While he had only gotten a small taste of it, he now knew what it was like to feel alienated. The Clan had been a part of his his life from birth, but now it seemed like the Clan that he thought he knew was beginning to feel more and more unfamiliar to him. It must’ve been harder for his sisters, who had been around longer than him. At the same time, he understood why his mother had kept them away from such things. Despite his limited understanding, he knew the Clan’s bureaucracies and policies were complex and almost certainly beyond them, so she would not tell them anything for their own sakes and it had worked until today. Perhaps it was inevitable that sooner or later someone would do something to change the status quo and today Fuutie did. The question now was what was he going to do?

The answer came immediately and Syaoran decided on his course of action. He stood up from his seat and rushed to the door that his mother had left from. He could only hope to catch her before she went to her room.

Syaoran caught up to her on a long hallway leading to her chambers. There were windows placed on the right side which allowed the blue of the night to enter and illuminate the mansion’s interior. Yelan stood in front of one of these windows, looking intently above to what he assumed was the moon. The latter illuminated her with it’s light, allowing Syaoran to see her features. A sad, longing look was on her face and her eyes shone a little as her tears reflected the moonlight. They stayed within her eyes and did not fall, but he could tell that she was sad and began to feel discomfort as he thought of how to approach her in her current state.

Fortunately, she gave him a break and acknowledged his presence. “What is it, Xiao Lang?” she said as she turned to him. Thoughts raced in his mind as he looked at his mother, who had put on her usual expression and erased all traces of her sadness. He had rushed here in a whim and found that he was at a loss for words. There was so much he wanted to ask and he didn’t know where to start. For a moment, he considered backing away and leaving, but he had decided to find her and he was not about to back away now.

“Why are you really going away?” Syaoran asked. He was careful to keep his voice calm yet assertive enough to convey his meaning. At the same time, he held his eyes on Yelan’s, showing that he wanted answers as well. All he had was his determination and surprisingly, it worked. Perhaps because the fight with Fuutie wore her out, but she was willing to be a bit more open this time, although he was sure if she wanted to make her stance clear now like she did before he wouldn’t be able to do anything.

“This situation cannot be allowed to continue. We’ve played to the demands of the Elders and it has brought us nothing but trouble. If this continues, it will only tear us apart, so I’m doing something before it’s too late.”

Syaoran picked up the implication behind her words and felt a shiver crawl up his back. His shock and disbelief crept in his voice as he put it to words. “Are you going to fight against the Elders’ decision?” It was common knowledge amongst the Clan that the Elders were both powerful in magic and influence. A lot of them were well-known as rich and influential people amongst the magic community and even outside in social and economic circles. This gave them a larger than life reputation and people were eager to either get on their good side or stay away from their bad one, yet here Yelan was suggesting something close to the latter.

Possibly seeing the worry on his face, Yelan immediately addressed his concern. “I understand your worries, which is why I refrained from mentioning this to all of you earlier. By doing this I risk destroying whatever goodwill the Elders have towards us.” Yelan’s voice slightly weakened as if voicing her doubts made her determination waver, but she quickly summoned it back and straightened her face. “But the risk is worth the reward if the alternative is living with uncertainty hanging over our heads over where we stand. I will not let us live that way.” She said with iron resolve. “Not again.”

‘ _Again?_ ’ Syaoran thought. So something like this has happened before, probably before his birth, though with Yelan it’s possible she hid from him all this time. Now new questions were popping up in his mind, which only confused him further.

Once again, Yelan addressed his worries. “I understand you have many questions and I will answer them in due time, but for now, wait a little longer.” She approached him and placed her hand on his shoulder. “I promise you I will make things better for all of us.” she said with a small smile at Syaoran to assure him, which slightly shocked him.

Under other circumstances, this may have worked, but as it is Syaoran couldn’t completely shake of his worries. “Is something like that even possible?” The Elders’ word was law amongst the Li Clan and repealing it is an almost futile task.

“There are… ways, although it will be a hard endeavor nonetheless. Even so, we’ll take what we can get.” Yelan removed her hand and once again spoke seriously. “For now, I don’t want you to be burdened with this. It will only distract you from your own problems and that could prove dangerous.” Syaoran touched the spot where his burn had been and nodded. “You are strong, Xiao Lang. Use that strength, for yourself and for the people around you.”

Syaoran questioned that last statement. His fighting skills weren’t doing him any good and his magic was having problems. He felt unprepared, even more than when he was capturing the Clow Cards. Syaoran cast his eyes downwards reflexively, not wanting to look at his mother in the eyes. He didn’t want to face her with his weakness lest he failed to meet her expectation.

A hand caressed his cheek and guided his face upwards to meet his mother’s gaze. “Do not doubt yourself. You _are_ strong, Xiao Lang, stonger than you know, but true strength comes from a place of self-certainty, of knowing who you are and where you stand. When you find that, strength will follow naturally.”

Syaoran looked at his mother in amazement. She always knew exactly what to say to assure her children’s worries. He kicked himself internally for being so weak to her and straightened his posture. “I promise I won’t fail you. I’ll make you proud.” he said determinedly.

“You already have.” she replied. Yelan made to turn but stopped half-way. “Is there something else you would like to tell me?”

Syaoran realized he made his uneasiness obvious. There were still a lot of things he wanted to ask. About his past, the Elders, and his problems at magic. He weighed these things in his mind and looked at his mother, who would soon be heading off to her own battle. She could offer advice or some help to these problems.

“No, that’s all.” He replied.

Yelan eyed him suspiciously but ultimately accepted his answer. “Get some rest, Xiao Lang. You have school tomorrow.” She left him with that and entered her chambers.

‘ _That’s right. Each of us has our own battles to fight. I’ll have to find my own way without burdening her._ ’ Syaoran clenched his fists and strengthened his resolve. The moment had come and he had made his choice. He would stand by it, for better or for worse.

He only hoped it would be the former soon.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! This chapter took the longest time to update cause it went through so many changes before I was somewhat satisfied with it. There are things that could probably be improved but if I spent any longer I might have just eventually  
> abandoned it altogether. I'm just an amateur after all, but nonetheless I hope it's to your liking. Let me know what you think in the comments.
> 
> On a lighter note, I saw the Clear Card OVA and I loved it! It was nostalgic and at the same time there were also new things added to the table. The animation and score was amazing and I'm really looking forward to the anime release! The characters were also for the most part true to themselves and in some ways better than their alternate selves in the Sealed Card timeline. Syaoran in particular became so much more mature in this depiction. It definitely influenced my own interpretation of him in this story, hopefully for the better.


	10. Burnout - Part I

 

 

 “Li Xiao Lang!”

The words stirred Syaoran’s mind harshly to consciousness. Slowly, he lifted his head and opened his eyes groggily. The world blurred as his other senses awakened to make sense of his surroundings. He heard a voice whisper his name next to him and felt a hand prodding him and rocking his body back and forth. That helped to shake of some of the sleepiness and Syaoran’s vision finally focused, allowing him to see all his classmates clearly giggling at him. However, the teacher was not so amused. “If it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to ask you not to _snore_ during my class.”

Syaoran immediately scrambled to an upright position, earning him more giggles from his classmates. “I’m sorry, Teacher. It won’t happen again.”

His teacher still looked annoyed but decided to let the matter go and turned her attention back towards the blackboard to continue the lesson, leaving Syaoran to wallow in his embarrassment.

“Damn it.” he hissed at himself.

A poke on his arm averted his attention to his bench mate who had shaken him awake just then. “Xiao Lang, are you okay?”

“Oh, I’m fine. Sorry for troubling you.”

“Are you sure? You don’t look well lately. Maybe you should go to the infirmary, just in case.”

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” Syaoran made a waving gesture and gave a small smile. His bench mate looked unsure but accepted the answer and turned his attention back to the teacher. Syaoran did the same and started jotting down notes, but his mind dwelled on the fact that he had fallen asleep in class, something he had never done before. He knew he was tired but not to this extent. Even his classmates were beginning to notice something was wrong. ‘ _Am I really that worn out?’_ he thought.

Syaoran got a blunt answer to the question when he met Meiling at lunchtime. “Syaoran, you look terrible.”

“Do I really look that bad?”

“You should really mind your appearance more.” she replied half-jokingly, then looked at him seriously. “It’s that new trainer you got, isn’t it? My dad told me about him. Says he’s a real tough guy, and not in a good way.”

Syaoran could only nod in response. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine once I adjust.” he said to reassure her and secretly to himself. “I’ve started training by myself, so I’ll catch up soon enough.”

Meiling frowned deeper at his answer. “Training by yourself?”

“I’ve been practicing my fighting and magic skills after school. I’ve only started at the beginning of this week, but I’ll try to improve as fast as I can.”

“So you’ve been working yourself to the bone at home as well?!” Meiling exclaimed in surprise. “Geez, no wonder you’re so tired all the time. Syaoran, you’ve got to stop pushing yourself like that!”

“I need to train, Meiling.” Syaoran explained. “It’s the only way I can improve my abilities. If I do nothing then nothing will change and I’ll just keep getting beat up every time.”

“Jeez, there you go again. Pushing yourself too hard isn’t going to make you stronger. There’s limits to how much you can push.”

 “Well, doing nothing won’t make me stronger either. You don’t know what it’s like, Meiling. Each time I go there I struggle just to stand on my own two feet. I need to work harder if I’m going to have a chance.”

“Syaoran, if you keep exerting yourself you’ll end up more tired and frustrated. This happened before back in Japan when you were trying to capture the Clow Cards-”

“That was different!” he yelled. “The Cards drained me because my magic wasn’t ideally suited to them. This requires nothing of me but to improve the powers I already have.”

Meiling slightly jumped, startled at the sudden outburst. Her shocked face immediately disarmed his temper and replaced it with regret. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout.”

Recovering from the shock, Meiling took a deep breath and calmed herself. “No, it’s okay. I shouldn’t have brought that up so suddenly.” She fixed her eyes on him. “Syaoran, I know this must be hard for you, but that’s why I don’t want you to make things harder on yourself. I mean for God’ sake, you’re so tired that you can barely concentrate at school. You’ve never fallen asleep in class until now.”

“You heard about that?”

I have friends in your class.” she said casually, but the look of concern never left her face. “Just promise me you’ll take care of yourself, okay?”

“I will.” Syaoran promised.

Her look told him she wasn’t so easily convinced. “You know you can always talk to someone if you want to. Me, Wei, your family, we’re here to help you.”

“I know and I’m grateful for all of you, but all of you’ve already done so much. I need to do my part as well.” Syaoran had not told her about the incident at his house three days ago. As it is, his mother was currently unavailable and the sisters were busy with Fuutie, who was still in a terrible mood even now, and he didn’t want to disturb them yet. Besides Wei, he was out of family members to talk to.

Meiling eyed him curiously. “Do you think it’s your fault they’re going through this?”

Syaoran’s silence answered her question.

“Syaoran, you’re in no way responsible for what’s happened.”

“I wish that were true, but I just can’t help feeling that I was the cause of all this.”

“Please, Syaoran. Stop blaming yourself for things that are not your fault. If anyone’s responsible, it’s those pesky Elders. They’re the ones who unfairly put this on you.”

“You really shouldn’t be saying stuff like that, you know.” Syaoran reprimanded, but gave a chuckle at her brash comment.

“Why shouldn’t I?!” Meiling proclaimed defiantly. “All they do is push people around and make them do things against their will. Why would anyone want to serve people like that?”

“It’s a bit more complicated than that.”

“Hmph, not the way I see it. Look at what they did to you! They were happy to send you away to Tomoeda but when you were no longer useful to them they punished you, even though it was their choice in the first place! The only time they’re willing to work together is if it benefits them too.”

“You really should control that temper of yours.” Syaoran replied half-joking, half-seriously. “You wouldn’t want to get caught saying stuff like that at the wrong place and the wrong time.”

Meiling dismissed the warning with a wave. “Please, they don’t care what I have to say. I’m the daughter of two mages yet I don’t have any magical talent at all. As far as they’re concerned, I’m already worthless. Even if I get caught, it’s not like I’m losing any points in their eyes.” She explained curtly and crossed her arms. “Not that I care anyway. I decide what I’m worth, not a bunch of old men. As far as I’m concerned, anyone who can pass judgments on other people’s worth so easily like that deserves no respect, no matter what their position.”

Syaoran stared at Meiling in surprise. He knew she had a lot of spirit, but he had never seen her so fired up, even on the day he returned to Hong Kong. “You really feel that strongly about this, huh?”

“Damned right, I do. Did you know they basically stopped contact with my parents as soon as they knew I had no magical talent? When they were so willing to cater to them before?” Syaoran shook his head. “Well, it’s true. My parents don’t talk to me about it, since they didn’t want me to feel bad, but I pieced it together from the way they act sometimes on the mention of the Elders and by talking to some of the other Clan children. For a long time, it did get to me. I tried so hard to be accepted and make my parents proud. I trained in martial arts to make up for my inability in magic and tried to involve myself as often as possible, all that to feel accepted. Although to be fair, I also had another, stronger motive.” Meiling cast a meaningful glance towards Syaoran, which made him stir when he caught her meaning. Fortunately, she didn’t linger on him. Instead, she stood up with a spring in her step. She took a few steps forward and looked at the bright afternoon sky with a smile on her face. “But in the end, I couldn’t force myself to fit where I couldn’t and I ended up hurting myself more than I should have. So I stopped trying to be something I’m not, and you know what, I haven’t felt more free my whole life as I am now. I know who I am and I’m happy with it. No one will ever take that away from me again.” Finishing, she took a long deep breath and exhaled it serenely.

Syaoran couldn’t help but admire his cousin. The girl standing in front of him had changed considerably from the erratic girl who was constantly seeking his attention. “You’re incredible, Meiling.” he finally spoke.

Meiling spun around and faced him with a cheerful smile. “My my, so smooth now, are we? Where was this Syaoran all those years ago? You should really save those for Kinomoto.” Her smile didn’t fade but she took a more serious tone. “That reminds me. Have you been keeping in touch her?”

“Yes, I have.” Writing letters to Sakura was now already a part of his weekly routine. He would write to her and would wait in anticipation the reply to hear about her own stories in Tomoeda. It gave him a window into her life and a brief respite from his own.

“Does she know about your problems with the Clan?”

Syaoran shook his head. “No, and that’s the way it should be for now.” he said firmly. He thought back to the letters they exchanged so far. He was amazed at how constantly cheerful she was in her letters. Every little thing seemed so beautiful in her eyes and that enthusiasm carried through in her letters. Her optimistic personality was a huge part what had endeared her to him in the first place. However, it was also the reason he didn’t want her to know about his problems. And so, he kept his worries from her, only ever sharing details of his school life or more trivial things. “She can’t do anything about it either. There’s no sense in making her worry over nothing.”

Meiling looked as if she was about to say something, but relented in the end. “Well, if that’s what you think is best then okay. Just remember that you don’t have to carry that entire burden by yourself. You can talk to any of us.” she stressed again.

“I’ll remember that.” Syaoran reassured. With that they finished their conversation and packed up their lunches. The walk to their respective classes was mostly silent save for the occasional small talk. When their path separated, Meiling bid him a ‘see you later’ both of them entered their classrooms. He sat down on his chain. Meiling had given him a lot to think on from her experience with the Clan and the negative outlook towards it’s leaders, a view which he didn’t share. He had always seen the Elders as powerful and respectable mages in their own right and yet he was learning that they are not what they seem. Even his mother who had been more subdued in showing her feelings voiced her disapproval of them. He wondered how it was he had only picked up on this now and realized that he had never faced their scrutiny before. After all, he was someone who was born with considerable magical power.

This led him to another problem, one that was currently his primary concern. Syaoran looked at his open right hand and clenched it.  ‘ _What good is all that magic if I can’t use it properly?_ ’ he thought glumly. Being outmatched in fighting skill was one thing, but magic was a fundamental part of him as a sorcerer. If he can’t master it then what good is he as a mage? ‘ _It’s time to try a different approach. I’m getting nowhere as it is now._ ’

The ringing bell broke through his concentration and his consciousness returned to the classroom. Break time was over. Syaoran rummaged through his bag and took out the books for the next subject and looked around the classroom as his classmates did likewise. His eyes finally fell upon his bench mate, who was eyeing him cautiously. Syaoran immediately realized he must’ve been brooding in front of him this whole time.

“Are you okay now?” he asked with concern.

“Yeah, I’m all better now. Thanks.” Syaoran replied.

The boy nodded at the reply and prepared his books. The teacher entered soon after and they began their lesson. The middle-aged man began to teach but Syaoran ignored him and looked towards the window to the direction of his house. His focus was drifting towards a more pressing matter.

***

The library was by far the largest room inside the mansion compound and was the central room which connected all the different wings. In this way, it reflected it’s owner, who placed great importance on the value of knowledge. Yelan had always taught them that knowledge was the most powerful tool a person could have and today, Syaoran hoped it would serve him. So far however it hasn’t brought him anything useful yet. He sat at the table where he had talked with his sisters about the letter about a week ago, a problem was relatively simple compared to the one he faced now. Before him lay a collection of books, tomes, and scrolls, all reading material he could find that he thought could help him find the answer to his problem. Right now, he had immersed himself in a book which detailed the effects of the moon on those that draw power from it. Syaoran turned page after page, absorbing and sorting all the information for a lengthy period before his pace slowed. A few seconds later, he put the book down and rubbed his tired eyes.

‘ _Another dead end._ ’ he thought bitterly. The book had started out promising, with details on how the moon’s cycles could potentially affect a mage’s ability to draw power from it but the further he read the further it deviated from his situation. For a start, it was mostly documented amongst first-time users who were still not used to drawing from the moon, and while he was not an advanced magic user, he was experienced enough to not be considered an amateur. Aside from novice mages, the problem was also documented on those particularly sensitive to the moon’s changes but again, he didn’t fit the mold. His magic had never been affected by the moon’s phase, at least not enough to be significant and the moon’s cycles hold less effect during the day, which was when he trained. The resistance he felt back then had felt more _internal_ rather than the effect of some outside force. Syaoran turned to his left and added the book to the pile of reading material he had went through, all of them amounting to nothing. Syaoran exhaled heavily at the sight. He was tired, frustrated, and not making any progress. Nonetheless, something pushed him on. He grabbed a scroll from his selected reading material and untied it with decidedly less enthusiasm. However, his spirit began to slowly return when he started reading the contents. Soon he was completely engaged and reading each word carefully.

‘ _This is it._ ’ This was what he was looking for, something that could help him restore his flow of magic. It was certainly the best lead he had and he could try it out immediately tonight. Syaoran kept himself from getting his hopes up and reminded himself it could fail, but all the same stayed determined. ‘ _This could work. I know it._ ’

Syaoran waited until the night began to settle to begin, which felt like a long wait for him. The day would normally pass by quick enough as he spent his evenings training his combat skills but he decided to forgo that today to keep his condition as fit as possible before he began. Thus, he passed time as best he could. He returned the books to their respective places first. Yelan would have a fit if even one book was out of place. When that was done, he did his schoolwork of which there was little of since he liked to minimize his workload by doing his homework at school. When that was done, he reviewed the technique he was about to try out. After that failed to make time go faster, he settled on resting in his room. He awoke just in time as the last of the sun was making away to the blue of night. Most importantly, the moon had already shown itself. Syaoran walked outside to the garden and settled on the platform overlooking the city below. He took it all in, the night, the city, the slight breeze which gave a refreshing chill, and the light of the moon that bathed him before beginning.

Syaoran summoned his sword and sat down cross legged in the center of the platform. He balanced his sword by placing it’s two ends between his knees. Once he stabilized his sword, he clasped both his hands according to the manual he read. After making sure his stance was correct, he closed his eyes and concentrated.

Within his mind, Syaoran dug deep within himself, making sure to keep his breathing slow and steady. His consciousness settled on a spot somewhere on his chest. This was his center, the place where he drew his magic from. He recalled the countless times he had drawn from it every time he cast a spell and felt it’s familiarity. At the same time, he was feeling things he hadn’t before. With his increased consciousness, he saw it’s image within him; a white sphere of energy that was constantly revolving and pulsating, sending out waves of energy. It sent out a warm feeling within him, as if it were a living being. However, the sensation was not unpleasant but rather felt like a natural part of him he was now aware of, like feeling your own heart beating within your chest.

‘ _So far so good._ ’ With the image fixed in place in his mind, Syaoran slowly started channeling the magic outwards throughout his own body, as he would a spell. However, this time he did not unleash it but focused on extending it evenly throughout his own body. He could feel the magic travelling through pathways inside him, a series of interconnected routes branching out from the center. Some of them felt familiar, while others were new to him. Nonetheless, he did his best to concentrate on every one of them and sensed for signs of resistance. Finding none, he continued and maintained his awareness of his own body as energy filled every part of his being. After a few minutes had gone by, he gradually began to retract his magic inwardly back to the center. Slowly the branches faded as the magic flowed back into his chest until all he felt was the sphere again. Then, he steadied his breath and began outwardly projecting his magic again, this time extending it to his sword as well. Syaoran repeated this back and forth process three times. The fourth time he held his magic distributed throughout his body. He was pleased to find that everything was going smoothly so far.

Now on to the hard part.

Syaoran focused on the space in front of him, about a meter away from his face and used all his concentration to channel his magic there. The ground beneath him glowed and a series of interconnected diagram of writings and symbols which made up his magic circle appeared. He felt currents of magic flowing out from every part of him and the sword to that one spot he was focusing on. Suddenly, a small spark appeared in the space in front of him followed by another, and another until one spark held and stayed there. Syaoran sensed it and poured his focus onto it. Slowly, the spark grew into a small sphere which revolved in place. With each spin, it slowly enlarged itself as more magic poured into it. It finally stopped growing when it reached the size of a fairly large ball, the same size as Syaoran’s center.

‘ _It worked._ ’ Syaoran thought inwardly. He couldn’t see the result but he could sense that he had achieved what he had set out to do. The scroll had called this an exercise in control and he could see why; it takes immense concentration to consciously disperse of the flow of magic throughout your own body and then refocus it back onto a point outside of the body to project your own center, but when done properly was said to help improve the flow of magic throughout the body. The text recommended the first time to be in the presence of the moon to ease the strain on the magician but even then, he didn’t dare to break his attention from the sphere at the risk of it collapsing. Nonetheless, Syaoran felt a sense of satisfaction in accomplishing the technique. In his mind, he could see the magic flow naturally as countless pathways of energy wove threads connecting his center to the projection.

And then one of the threads dissolved.

The shock of the disturbance sent a shockwave throughout the whole network all the way to the projection. It’s stable rotation suddenly made way to erratic spinning and it’s smooth’s surface rippled. Syaoran furrowed and frantically tried to restore balance to the system. He drove his magic to the lost pathway but was unable to project his energy outwards, so he tried to maintain the ones that were still there but it was too late. Like vibrations through a web, other threads slowly became affected by the abrupt change in flow. Some of them faded out completely while others narrowed as less energy flowed through. He struggled against the instability as best as he could, pushing his magic against the invisible resistance, yet the more he pushed the more the threads began to unravel. The resistance came with a vengeance and cut off the pathways rapidly. The sphere, having decreased in size, was now vibrating uncontrollably and it’s surface was now fluctuating wildly, being powered by what few threads remain.

‘ _No! Please hold!_ ’

In a sudden rush, the remaining pathways snapped in a single swoop, as if someone physically cut them. The magic retracted back to his center in a rush, which sent reverberations within him. The projection meanwhile vibrated wildly before exploding into little sparks which in turn faded into nothing. Syaoran released his breath in a rush, unaware he’d been holding it this whole time, and panted as his consciousness fully returned to the present world. He began to feel the sensations on his body, the sweat on his brow, the pain on his feet from being in the same position for so long, the pain from forcing his magic throughout his body and a headache from forcing his concentration to the limit.

All of that paled in comparison to the disappointment he felt right now.

“Damn it!” Syaoran hissed. He slammed his fist into the concrete platform, sending waves of pain through his hand. The pain further drove his consciousness and he was now aware that beads of sweat formed on his forehead and his body, staining his clothes.  .

‘ _Again_.’ Syaoran recomposed his position and readied himself. He would not end on such a failure. ‘ _I won’t let that happen again-’_

“Master Xiao Lang.” called a voice behind him.

Syaoran wearily turned to face his butler. Wei was smiling at him patiently with his usual cheerful patience. “Perhaps it would be better to call it a day. It’s already past dinnertime, after all.”

Syaoran looked at the sky, which had noticeably darkened since he began, and couldn’t help but be surprised. He hadn’t realized he had already spent a long time outside. ‘ _All that work with nothing to show for it._ ’ he thought grimly. He really wanted to do it again and get better results. Syaoran shifted his gaze from the sky to Wei again, who was waiting with a patient smile.

“All right, I’ll head inside.” Syaoran relented and stood up as his body reminded him of how strained it was. Even if he pressed on, he felt like he would not achieve a better result. He walked past Wei, who followed behind him to the dinner room. Some food and rest would perhaps lighten his mood from his setback, if only by a little. As it is, levity was currently rare in the house right now.

True enough, Syaoran could feel the heavy air when he entered the dining room. His sisters were already eating their meals, but with none of their usual cheerfulness. He took his seat on the table, the rest barely giving any notice of his presence. He looked around the table to where a second seat besides his mother’s lay empty. ‘ _So she’s still upset._ ’ Syaoran thought grimly. The bitter aftermath of their mother’s parting had still not dissipated yet. Fuutie had practically avoided them since then despite the sisters’ attempts to talk to her. With the exception of school, she mostly secluded herself in her room.

“Don’t worry, little brother. She’ll come around. She just needs a little time to herself.” Feimei spoke with feigned cheerfulness.

“Has she spoken to any of you since then?” Syaoran asked.

All three of them shook their heads. “We saw her a few times around the house, but she bolted every time we tried to approach her.” Shiefa spoke.

“I see.” he responded briefly.

After the brief exchange silence set in again as they ate their food. His food was good as usual, if not a bit cold from being left out for a while, but Syaoran had to admit the tense atmosphere did not help with his appetite. Nevertheless, he wolfed down his food and managed to finish it faster than his sisters despite starting later. He set aside his empty plate and took his leave from the dining room. Walking to his room, he looked at the mansion interior. The shadows seemed to almost enveloped it’s entirety, with only a few rays of moonlight piercing the darkness. It made the whole place look unfamiliar to him, like he was a stranger inside the house and it was ready to attack him if he got too close. He knew it was all in his mind, but couldn’t help but be slightly uneasy as he walked with a heightened sense of awareness. He was a little embarrassed when he felt relief after entering his room. This space at least felt like his, from the familiar bed, bathroom, and desk, upon which lay a sealed envelope.

Syaoran smiled instinctively. There was only one person it could’ve been from and his heart beat with excitement that hasn’t worn off since he received the first of them. Her letters were something he looked forward to every week, especially with everything that’s been going on with his own life. He enjoyed just immersing himself in her words and did exactly that as he opened the letter carefully and read.

* * *

 

_Dear Syaoran-kun,_

_How have you been? It’s probably been about a week since your last letter, so I hope you’re still doing well! How’s your family? I only met them from that time I visited but they were really nice. It must be nice to have such a lively family! We’re doing fine here, but I wish Onii-chan would stop bullying me every morning. Even though he’s a university student, he’s as childish as ever._

_I’m glad that school’s going fine for you. I wouldn’t expect any less from you, Syaoran-kun! We’re still studying but with summer break approaching, things are more relaxed right now as we’re more focused on the coming town festival. It’s going to be big and everyone will be participating, including our school. Onii-chan and Yukito-san’s university will also be opening a stand there._

_Anyways, our class got selected to be part of the main event. How exciting! We decided on doing a play for our presentation. At first, everyone was really confused about which play we should do but then Naoko-chan said she wanted to write a story for us, so the whole class agreed. If it’s Naoko-chan, she’ll make something really good. Tomoyo-chan’s already offered to design the costumes as expected so that’s also covered. I really can’t wait. We haven’t done a play since last year and everyone did really well last time, especially you, Syaoran-kun. Playing a princess must’ve been hard, but you did a really good job! We’ll definitely do a good job again, I’m sure of it! I only wish you could be here to see it, Syaoran-kun._

_That’s pretty much everything that’s happened this week. By the time, you get this we’ll probably be practicing already, so looks like my summer’s off to a busy start! Will you be having summer break there as well? Let me know! In the meantime, take care of yourself._

_Your dear friend,_

_Sakura Kinomoto_

* * *

Syaoran smiled as he reached the name written at the end. It was just like her to be so enthused about everything. He could almost see her going around the school merrily as everyone prepared for the festival. A warm feeling emerged in his chest as he pictured her in his mind with her beady green eyes and smile. Once again, he thought of how joyous it would be to be able to be close to her again, and yet…

Syaoran rested the back of his head on his chair and sighed. As time passed he seemed to only drift further away from his goal. He knew it was never going to be easy in the first place and while he had only been back for a little more than a month to date, it seemed everything was already falling apart. He was still determined to achieve his goal, that much was certain, but the Clan was already bearing down on him without the reveal that he wanted to return to Tomoeda and with all that’s happened, their approval seemed unlikely. All this led him to conclude that the Clan would not accept his wishes and in turn led him to an uncomfortable thought:

Would he have to leave the Clan to stay with Sakura?

Syaoran shook his head. ‘ _It won’t come to that. I won’t let it.’_ Syaoran looked at himself, tired and sticky with sweat from his practice. ‘ _My mind’s too tired to be thinking. I’ll go to bed and try again tomorrow.’_ With that, Syaoran went to shower and prepared for bed, all the while ignoring the nagging thought in his mind.

* * *

 

 

 

The remaining days passed quickly for Syaoran and before he knew it, he was back in the training grounds again. Syaoran walked to his practice arena, where his instructor was already waiting for him. Along the way he caught Su Bao and his gang out of the corner of his eye looking at him menacingly. He ignored them and went to his instructor, stopping in front of the imposing man.

“Teacher, I am here.”

“Tchh.” Fang Zhi spat. “Let’s see if you’ve improved yourself since last week.”

‘ _I hope so.’_ For the last few days, he had reattempted the meditation technique several times. Each time, the results had been similar; temporary success followed by failure in subsequent attempts. He had even attempted to do it in daylight without the assistance of the moon out of curiosity which was considerably more difficult and even less fruitful than the other tries. Now, it was time to see if they had any effect on his magic.

“Ready yourself!” Fang Zhi ordered. The man had already finished warming up and already had his sword in hand. His usual impatient gaze was trained at Syaoran.

“Yes, Teacher.” Syaoran finished warming up and readied his own sword. Both of them did their regular routine as they pointed their blades to each other.

“Begin!” The shout rang out like a gun as both of them leapt to face each other. The sound of the first clash rang through out the training ground followed up by more as both combatants traded blows. Once again, Syaoran found himself slowly being pushed back as Fang Zhi increased the intensity of his attacks. He found it hard to overcome the size and skill gap between them. Meanwhile, Fang Zhi’s attacks were slowly breaking through his defense.

‘ _Focus, find your opening!’_ Syaoran strained through the intense flurry and focused on his opponents movements trying to predict the next one that follows but found it difficult to keep track of the fast attacks. ‘ _Come on, come on!’_ He watched the blade’s movements as he desperately fended it off until finally, he recognized a high attack swooping downward from right to left, coming in slow enough for him to see. Syaoran quickly sidestepped to his left and dodged the attack. The blade missed narrowly missed him and clashed to the ground instead. He quickly regained his footing and entered his casting stance. He could see that Fang Zhi’s blade was still on the ground and even as he began to lift it up, Syaoran knew he wouldn’t have it up in time.

‘ _This is it! It’s my opening!’_ Syaoran quickly drew his casting paper and placed it on his sword. “Let’s hope this works.” he whispered under his breath. He felt the magic flow from his center to his body like a river. This was it. He was finally going to make a hit.

“Fire God, answer my call!”

Again the magic flowed fluidly up to his sword before dwindling as it reached the paper. A few flames came out as sparks from the paper as if to further drive it home. His special training had failed and the river he felt before now felt more like a stream as the resistance once again increased.  ‘ _No, no, NO!!!’_ Syaoran looked panickedly at Fang Zhi, whose blade was already off the ground and almost in a position to defend. Pushing with all his might, he forced the magic out with all his will to not lose the opening he had. “Come on!!!” he gritted through his teeth.

A stream of flame finally emerged from the paper and rushed towards Fang Zhi. Again, Syaoran knew that the spell had been significantly reduced in power. Even so, he had made it. Fang Zhi’s blade was not yet in position to defend against the attack. Even if it wasn’t powerful enough, he was going to finally land a hit against Fang Zhi. He looked at his opponent who was still turning towards the attack-

-and caught sight of Fang Zhi’s left hand, which was pointing two fingers under his right arm towards his direction.

“Protection!”

Energy formed around the fingers and formed a barrier between him and the flames. The flames made contact with the barrier and enveloped it but didn’t break through. Fang Zhi retracted his fingers and opened his left hand, prompting the barrier to explode outwards. Flames and magical energy spewed out in all directions. The sparks of fire and light blinded Syaoran and he reflectively covered his eye with his left arm.

“Damn it!” he hissed. Syaoran strained to open his eyes and see through the blinding sparks. He was now afraid. Right now, he was completely vulnerable. Rubbing his eyes to clear his vision, Syaoran looked in front to see where Fang Zhi was, only to find the man had suddenly appeared in front of him wit his sword drawn back for a thrust. In a split second, Syaoran moved his sword to block the oncoming blow.

He missed Fang Zhi’s blade by a fraction of a second and the thrust hit him cleanly in the left shoulder. Syaoran felt the point dig into his flesh and he yelled out a scream in agony. The force of the blow itself threw him back a few meters till he landed on his back. Getting up, Syaoran clutched his left shoulder where the sword had struck, the very same sword that was now pointed at his head by his angry instructor.

“You’ve wasted your opening. If that had been a real battle, you would be dead by now.” Syaoran looked up at the sharp tip pointed to his face. He would probably be missing an arm right now if this wasn’t training. It was common practice in training to cover weapons with a layer of magic in order to blunt the edges and prevent grievous injury, but that didn’t make that thrust hurt any less. He was definitely going to have a bruise there later.

“Get up!” Fang Zhi growled. Syaoran instinctively rose and winced as his left shoulder screamed in pain. Fang Zhi looked at him in contempt. “Let that be a reminder to you. I will not have a Li mage be so weak. If it takes a few bruises to wake you up, so be it.”

“Yes, Teacher.” Syaoran obeyed while clutching his shoulder.

Fang Zhi walked a few steps back and faced Syaoran. “Now get ready. We will start again.”

“Yes.” Syaoran grasped his sword again, suppressing the pain in his shoulder, and readied himself again.

“Begin!”

***

Syaoran could hear the sound of his own panting heavily in his ears. Sweat drenched his whole body as he lay on the ground exhausted and unable to move. The slightest movement sent waves of pain throughout his body.

After the first grueling round, they had gone at it another three rounds. During the second round Fang Zhi had delivered a solid kick to his gut which had put him on his knees. Added to his shoulder, he had been hanging by a thread in the last round, barely pushing away Fang Zhi’s blows. He was so overwhelmed with pain that he hadn’t been able to notice Fang Zhi’s lightning attack in time and it hit him squarely in the body. He laid on the ground closing his eyes waiting for the pain to pass. The whole world seemed to fade in the background and he could barely make out Fang Zhi’s voice speaking to him.

“That’s it for today.” He said simply. No further rebukes like the usual, but none were needed. Even if he couldn’t see Fang Zhi he could feel the anger and disappointment radiating through and this time it was beyond words. Syaoran heard his footsteps slowly diminish as his instructor walked away. Likewise, he slowly felt the shocking pain slowly recede until he was finally able to feel his body again. He clutched his sword and slowly lifted himself up by using it as a makeshift cane. He was only able to get on his knees before pain and exhaustion drove him down on one knee. Clutching the grip of the sword tightly with both hands, Syaoran tried to catch his breath as his vision slowly focused on his surroundings. He could see the arena, the overlooking spectator platforms, the entrance and exit to the arena, and finally the surrounding training arenas, separated by his by a gridded metal fence. It was here that a sight caught him by surprise.

Watching at him through the fence was the trainees, all of them fixing their eyes on him. Syaoran looked at the myriad of expressions looking at him. Some were looking at him with sympathy and some with shock. Su Bao and his gang, identifiable from the crowd, were looking at him with delight. He could hear them shouting insults at him ( _Hey, golden boy! Thought you were supposed to be strong!)_. Even some of the instructors were looking at him though they stole glances before returning to their duties. He saw all of these expressions yet they all had an underlying thing in common; they were looking at him with pity.

Syaoran put his head down to avoid their gazes and clutched the grip of his sword tighter till it shook while closing his eyes with similar pressure. A single tear came out of his right eye and dropped to the ground. It was all he would allow himself to feel in front of them. He would not breakdown here and lose whatever dignity he had left even if his mind was in turmoil. He thought back to the night he had received Sakura’s letter and the first time the thought had crossed his mind that he would have to leave the Clan to achieve his goal. The idea that had grown in his mind like a tumor despite his efforts to contain it but now was all he could think of, and while he still could not accept that idea fully, something had been made clear after today:

The Clan that he once thought he knew wasn’t here, and this one had no place for him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got a chance to update. This one took too long because of New Year's and all that but it's finally finished. Hope it was worth the time spent on it.
> 
> On an unrelated note, I've been watching the Clear Card anime and I like it so far. It has a few problems but the animation is great and the music is fantastic, especially the opening! Regarding continuity, the anime doesn't pick up from the OVA like I had thought but from the original anime, but it's clear that some things were also changed. (For example: Sakura gave a teddy bear to Syaoran, something which didn't happen in the original anime). But Meiling is canon! Hell yeah! I hope we get to see her again. In the meantime, I'll try to work a little faster on the next one.


	11. Burnout - Part II

  


  


  


“How are things over there?”

The phone was silent for a few moments from the other end, which in itself gave an indication to the answer, before Wei finally spoke. “Syaoran returned home today in pretty bad shape.” The voice in the other end hesitated for a moment before continuing. “It looked like he had been crying.”

She pictured the words Wei had spoken to her. The image she conjured was almost unbearable to look at, which meant the real thing was probably more heartbreaking. She put it out of her head with difficulty and continued with her inquiries. “And the girls?”

“Fudie’s still in a bad mood but I think she’s coming out of it. All of them have been trying to reach out to her and I do believe it’s slowly working.”

“I see.” Yelan thought back to the last time they met and wished deeply she could’ve left under better circumstances. She could only hope it wasn’t too late to mend their relationship when she returned.

“It’s not your fault, Mistress.” said the voice from the other end, as if he could read her thoughts. “Please don’t take that burden onto yourself.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, old friend, but they are _my_ children, _my_ responsibility. It is no one’s burden but mine, one that I gladly bear.”

“That is why they will understand your actions are for their sake.  Deep down, they know you want what’s best for them.”

“I know.” she replied in a soft voice, one without her usual confidence. She had only ever spoken in this way to three people, including Wei and her mother. Even then, she only allowed herself to convey vulnerability for a fleeting moment before returning to her business-as-usual tone again. “I will try to wrap things up here as fast as I can and return within the week.”

“How are things over there?” Wei asked concernedly.

“Slow, as I anticipated. I’m pulling on every connection I have to secure an audience, but it’s been difficult.”

“You know it’s a possibility they could refuse to see you out of spite. Your relationship with them isn’t exactly the best.”

“I’m well aware.” Yelan replied. “But they can’t ignore my presence for long. They probably already know that I’m here. As long as I continue to stir things up, they will have to acknowledge me sooner than later.”

“Provoking the Elders is a dangerous game to be playing, Yelan. Some might even say it’s unwise.”

She noted his use of her name, something he only did when he was speaking seriously. She met him with equal severity. “Then I became a fool long time ago. You know well enough that there’s no love lost between us, but I will not let that affect my family anymore, and I’m willing to give everything for that. I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.”

“I know.” Wei replied with understanding. “I know you’ve made up your mind _._ Just be careful, Yelan. You can offer everything for your children, but at the end of the day remember it’s you they need the most.”

“I will. Thank you, Wei. I’ll be going now. Give my love to the children.”

“Of course. Good bye, Mistress.”

“Goodbye, Wei.”

 Yelan kept her ear to the phone as the call disconnected and the dial tone began to ring before slowly placing the phone back. Slowly, she sat down and rubbed her temples.

She had put on a confident front but the truth was she was also worried and scared. Even with her plan, there was still a strong possibility things would not go her way and that terrified her. It would mean she had sacrificed all that time and to some extent her relationship with her children for nothing. Fear began to settle over her and her right hand reflexively reached to her left ring finger to grasp the object in it: a silver ring embedded with a small, jade gemstone. It was a simple ring: relatively thin with the small gem fitting inside it’s bounds and slightly loosely fitted on her finger, allowing her to somewhat twirl it around. All the same she treasured it deeply that even when he had offered her to replace it with something fancier, she had insisted on keeping this one. A feeling of strength and comfort came and partially drove of her worries but with it came a deep longing in her heart, for it was in times of fear when she would yearn for him the most. She spun the ring around her finger until the green gemstone was full-circle back into the center of her view again. A bittersweet smile crossed her lips as she spoke in that soft, vulnerable tone again:

“I miss you.”

* * *

  


Syaoran put his bag on the chair and fell down to the bed face first. All throughout school he hadn’t been able to focus on any of his lessons and a few times he had to be broken out of his trance by his bench mate. The boy had assumed the lessons were the problem and humorously sympathized with him in an attempt to lift up his spirits, but that wasn’t the problem. Of course, Meiling had noticed something but he had dismissed it and refused to answer her when she prodded further. In his head, he would drift back into yesterday’s events repeatedly despite his best efforts and now, without the distraction of school it was back in full force. He had cried alone in frustration yesterday when he got home, but now a feeling of emptiness had replaced that sadness and he didn’t know how to deal with it. Sleep is an option, but he still had to face it when he woke up and he didn’t feel like sleeping now. With effort, he got up from the bed and went to change out of his uniform. Getting into more comfortable clothes, he pondered how to pass time. He could finish whatever homework he had but he didn’t feel like his mind was in the right condition to do so. Training was even less favorable; Syaoran had trouble keeping his mind off the day before as it is. Even the thought of gripping his sword seemed heavy to him. It seemed like whatever he did, the shadow of yesterday’s events would still follow him.

‘ _I could use some tea._ ’ suggested his subconscious suddenly. It was a random whim, but Syaoran grasped the thought like a lifeline. It was better than nothing and tea would be a good way to calm down, something he needed more than anything now. Immediately, Syaoran set off from his room to the pantry to make himself some tea. As he walked, he could feel a tinge of lethargy creep into his movements, making him feel a little slower. He tried to counter the unnatural feeling by putting more force into his movements but that only made them feel more awkward and rigid.

“Xiao Lang, what are you doing?”

Syaoran turned to the source of the voice in front of him to see Fuutie regarding him curiously. It was then he realized that his movements must’ve looked silly. He recomposed his stature. “Nothing important.” It then dawned on him that this was the first time he’d seen Fuutie since their mother left.

“You’re not in your room.” he commented.

“Yeah, I got bored of being alone, I guess.” She took a good look at her little brother. “You look a bit out of it, little brother, though I guess I shouldn’t be the one to talk.” She gave a chuckle to provide humor and Syaoran indulged her with a brief smile before turning his lips down again. Fuutie’s expression changed as she realized that he was not feeling well.

“Well, I’m glad that you’re feeling better. I’m going to go now, if you’ll excuse me.” Syaoran walked past her and was about to turn to another corridor when she called back.

“Wait!” Fuutie shouted as she briskly walked to Syaoran’s direction. She caught her breath and looked at him with a small smile. “Would you like to talk?”

**

Both of them decided that tea was still a good thing to have while they talked and Fuutie helped Syaoran make some before they settled on the garden chairs. Syaoran placed a tray with a teapot, a cup, and a glass filled with iced tea on the table. He poured himself a cup of hot tea while Fuutie drank her iced one from a straw. She had found it odd that he wanted a hot drink in the afternoon instead of a cool one, but it helped him to feel calm. Sure enough, he could feel the warmth radiate through inside his body and giving him a sense of serenity as he drank the liquid. Above them, the sun was already moving towards the horizon to set. Both of them stared at the sky for a while watching as the first tinges of red slowly seeped into the blue sky. A  moment later, Syaoran broke the silence.  


“Are you okay now?”

Fuutie gave him a small smile. “I am, thank you. Sorry for making all of you worry.”

“It’s okay.” Syaoran replied. “You had your reasons to be upset.”

“That’s not an excuse. I acted immaturely despite being the eldest.” Fuutie shook her head adamantly and sighed. “So much for being a role model to my siblings.”

Syaoran considered her words for a moment. “I think… that’s okay.”

 Fuutie looked at him in surprise but he paid no mind. “Sometimes it’s better to act how you feel rather than force yourself to act the way you should. At least, that’s what I think now.”

Fuutie stared in surprise for a few more seconds at him before chuckling. “Oh my.”

“Did I say something funny?” Syaoran asked, confused at his sister’s unusual response.

Fuutie extended her palm towards him and shook it back and forth. “No, no. It’s just I didn’t expect that from you, of all people. That really surprised me.” As her giggles subsided, she looked at Syaoran with a smile. “You’ve really changed, Xiao Lang.”

Syaoran smiled at the words, but quickly turned away with a somber expression. “Maybe that’s not enough.”

Fuutie watched his little brother’s expression, one she had never seen on him through all the years she’d known him. She’d seen that look on the mirror all through last week, but to see it on her brother who had always radiated strength and resolve was strange and unsettling.

“Xiao Lang, did something happen?” Fuutie reprimanded herself internally for being too caught up in her own emotions to notice her surroundings.

“I’ve… been thinking about something lately.”

Fuutie focused on him intently. “What is it?”

Syaoran felt his mouth turn dry and his chest turn to stone. He had never felt this heavy trying to talk about something since the night he told his intention to go back to Tomoeda to his mother, and the knew why: the minute he spoke of this to another person, it would no longer be a thought in his mind. It would make the idea more real, something he would actually have to consider. He clutched his hands tightly and took a deep breath to steady himself. Syaoran knew that he would have to face this question eventually, and after all that happened yesterday, that moment was now.

“I’ve known since I returned that there would be a penalty for my failure to capture the Clow Cards, and I thought I was strong enough to endure that, if it meant I would be closer to reaching my goal. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy but I still thought that I could overcome it as long as I had the resolve. And yet, things keep getting harder and the more I try, more troubles keep appearing. It only seems I’m getting further away where I started, so-”

The next few words lodged up in his throat as Syaoran’s chest grew heavy again. This was it. What he said next was going to be the ultimate admission of weakness, something he loathed immensely, but it was too late to stop now. He wasn’t one for doing things halfway.

“So that’s why I’ve been considering whether remaining in the Clan is going to get me closer to my goal. When I set out to do this, it never occurred to me that it could come down to one or the other. I was going to return to Tomoeda no matter what. That goal hasn’t changed and, but now I’m wondering whether the Clan is the best way to do so. I’ve also heard a lot of unfavorable things about the Clan and lately it only seems like there is truth to them. The Clan is set in their ways and they don’t look like they allow me to pursue my goal, so leaving would be a logical choice. But I really don’t want that, since doing that would mean I wasn’t strong enough to face the challenge I’ve been given.”

Syaoran paused and took a deep breath again. He poured himself some more tea and drank it to calm himself. “It would mean I’m admitting defeat and giving up before the fight, and I’ve never done that. Even when I was capturing Clow Cards and my magic was stretched thin, I continued on even though I didn’t succeed in the end, and it paid off in another way; I met Sakura. Giving up on this could mean I’m giving up before something better comes around the corner. But more than that, the Li Clan has been a huge part of my life: it’s part of who I am and I can’t even imagine walking away after all this time.”

Syaoran drank the remaining tea in his cup. The liquid has slightly cooled, but still warm enough to soothe him, though he wasn’t in much need for that now. He felt a huge weight had been lifted from his chest and while he still felt the uncertainty within him, it was nice to finally talk to someone about it. He placed his empty cup on the table. Meanwhile, Fuutie took her glass from the table and took a long sip as she processed what he told her. When she stopped drinking, she looked at him again with a look of concern and sympathy on her face.

“Have you told anyone else this?”

Syaoran shook his head. “No, I wanted to think on this myself first.”

“I understand.” Fuutie replied. “Well, I can somewhat relate. I’ve had thoughts about distancing myself from the Clan.” She chuckled lightheartedly to lighten the mood. “But I can’t say I share your attachment to the Clan.”

“I know. The Clan can be particularly harsh to people who don’t meet their standards.”

“That’s part of it.” Fuutie admitted. “But it’s more than that.”

Syaoran looked at her questioningly. “What do you mean?”

Now it was Fuutie who took a deep breath. She took a long sip to prepare herself. “Xiao Lang, the Clan is a big part of your life; they’ve inserted themselves into your life from early on.” She took a sip of her drink and placed it on the table. “But that’s not true for the rest of me and your sisters. Back then, the Clan was almost non-existent in our lives. It was just the six of us: Me, Huanglian, Feimei, Xuehua, Mother,” Fuutie paused and smiled. “And Father too.”

The mention of his father brought about curiosity within him. Despite their obvious relation, he had only seen the man through the pictures on the mansion and while he couldn’t deny the resemblance, it was no replacement for the real thing, so he didn’t know how to feel about him save for a level of obligatory respect. Syaoran couldn’t help but draw parallels to Sakura and wondered how she felt about the mother she had never met.

“What was Father like?” he asked.

Fuutie’ immediately lit up in enthusiasm. “Oh, I wish you could’ve met him, Xiao Lang! He was a great man, the greatest man I’ve ever known. He was funny, relaxed and you rarely saw him without a smile on his face. I remember he used to like cracking jokes all the time and we would all laugh together so loudly that Mother complained about us making noise in the house. When that happened, he would sweet-talk her out of her temper, and surprisingly, it worked most of the time.” Fuutie looked at Syaoran’s expression of disbelief and gave a chuckle. “I know, right? You wouldn’t believe it till you see it, but he was the only one who could soften Mother up. We’d often ask him to talk to her whenever she was being strict with us and he’d try to negotiate with her, though he’d side with her if he believed we were in the wrong. He also had a lot of integrity and he worked hard for us; both of them did. It wasn’t hard to see why he and Mother matched each other.” Fuutie’s expression suddenly turned from happy recollection to sad remembrance. “Back then, Mother was different too. She was still strict and tight about rules, but she wasn’t as cold back then. There were moments where we saw her soften up and smile, especially if Father was there. She was happy back then, we all were. Even though we weren’t as well-off as we are now, we had each other and that was enough.”Fuutie’s expression darkened to hateful contempt. “And there was no Clan in our lives.”

“There was no presence of the Clan at all?” That last line intrigued him. Syaoran knew Fuutie wouldn’t lie but that sounded hard to believe, considering how tightly the Clan monitors it’s members.

“None that I know of. I know how weird that sounds, but it’s true. ”Fuutie leaned forward on her chair and looked up in contemplation. “Looking back with what I know of the Clan now, it’s definitely suspicious.”

“Is it possible they thought you weren’t important enough to be considered? Meiling told me that was the case for her.”

Fuutie shook her head. “They’d still monitor us at some level; even in Meiling’s case they didn’t completely cut all contact with her family. But in our case, there was hardly ever any word or anything from them, no Clan representative ever came or even visits from relatives, nothing. It was like we were in our own little bubble, but bubbles pop sooner or later. It was almost inevitable that they would come into our lives at some point.”

“What happened?”

Fuutie took another sip of iced tea to rehydrate before continuing. “One day, Father and Mother gathered all of us and told us we were going on a trip. Mother told us that her mother, our grandmother, had passed away and we were going to her wake. To say we were surprised would be an understatement; this was the first time we had ever heard mention of a relative or family member outside our own. Your sisters and I were confused but we followed them anyway. So we went to the funeral home where her wake was being held.” Syaoran observed her face darkened a little more. “I’ll never forget the way everyone looked at us when we arrived. At first, they looked shocked but after the surprise wore off a lot of them started looking at us suspiciously, like we weren’t welcome there. It made us feel afraid, especially since we were still children back then. Father calmed us down and huddled us closer to him, but we could see he was also slightly on edge. Meanwhile, Mother ignored their looks and moved ahead of us to where the body was and placed some flowers there. It was an open wake where the body was in full view, so we could see Grandmother’s body. It was the first and last time we ever saw her. I remember thinking how much she resembled Mother and wondering how she looked when she was alive. All of us were too young to think then why we’ve never met her until she died, so we just followed Mother when she told us to pray for her spirit. After we prayed, Mother approached a group of people in the front of the wake, which we didn’t know that back then were the Elders. She spoke to one of them, though we didn’t hear what she said. Whatever it was, the man she spoke to looked away from her like he was trying to ignore her. After a while, he turned to her and spoke a few words. They had a short conversation before Mother turned back to us and quickly told us we were going. By then, we could tell that she was angry so all of us decided to follow her along and leave. It was only later when I asked Father who she had been talking to that he told us that the man she had spoken to was our grandfather.”

“I see.” Syaoran paused to reflect on that. His mother never talked about her family to him so he always assumed they had a normal relationship. “So they had bad blood between them.”

Fuutie nodded in response. “I’m not surprised you don’t know, since she hardly ever talks about it. Even the sisters and I don’t know much about him, or her for that matter. Now you understand how strange it is for us to be so ignored. For the Clan to completely shut us out like that, especially with her being the daughter of an Elder -”

“We must’ve done something wrong in their eyes.” Syaoran finished.

Fuutie nodded. “At the very least, there is unpleasant history between them. This was obvious enough when we got the same looks while attending the funeral the next day. We left back home that night without saying a word of parting to anyone. Honestly, your sisters and I were glad to be out of there when we saw how being there badly affected Mother, though perhaps she was mourning more than anything. We went home back to our lives and after a while, things went back to normal. I thought that was the end of it.” Fuutie gripped tighter on the glass. “But it was only the beginning.”

Fuutie took another sip to rehydrate. “About a year after, Mother started looking troubled again and she went away on a trip again. She didn’t tell us why and when we asked Father, all he would tell us is that she had family matters to attend to. She got back a few days later looking even more stressed. Sometime after that, Father and Mother started becoming tense. It wasn’t like they were outright fighting, at least not openly in front of us, but something serious was happening between them. Things got a little heated between them but after a while, they returned to normal. I guess they settled things between themselves, but soon after they delivered big news to us; our Grandfather had died and left us his house, which we would be moving to immediately. So we moved to this house and we’ve been living here since.”

“So that’s how it happened.” Syaoran knew that the house was originally his grandfather’s but he had always assumed they’ve always stayed there. The conversation with Fuutie was as confusing as it was revealing. He was finding out a lot of things he didn’t know about his past.

Fuutie saw his reaction and nodded. “Your sisters and I also reacted the same way, and we were even more excited when we saw this mansion for the first time. You’re familiar with this mansion since you were born in it, Xiao Lang, but back then we lived in a little house crowded with just the six of us, so when we entered this house it seemed so large and fancy unlike anything we’ve ever seen. I mean, our old house wasn’t that bad or anything but it felt so little compared to the mansion back then, though now I would gladly move back there in a heartbeat if I could.” She added as a bitter afterthought. “Not long after that, Mother took the position as Head Sorceress of the Li Clan in Hong Kong and brought the Clan into our lives with it. All of a sudden, we were seeing all of these new people. It was always some relative visiting or some Clan official coming to see Mother about Clan business. I really didn’t like it. It felt like our home was no longer private.” Fudie rehydrated her throat and finished the last of her drink.

“But it didn’t stop there. The Li Clan is a clan of sorcerers after all, so it didn’t take long for our magic to come into question. Mother had taught us magic since we were children; everything we knew about it was from her, so it was surprising when a relative that came to visit suddenly asked about our magic. This was the first time someone else besides Father or Mother mentioned magic to us. At first, I didn’t really find anything weird but as more and more people came to visit, I noticed that something was off. It was in the way they talked whenever they asked about our magical abilities. You could hear their voice turn from curiosity to condescension when they found out about our magic, even if they didn’t say it directly. It wasn’t like our parents didn’t do anything though. Both of them did everything to protect us, Mother in particular wasn’t above striking back against anyone who stepped out of bounds, but even if they stopped people from talking in our presence they can’t stop people from talking outside. After a while they just looked at you and you can see it in their eyes that they’re looking down on you.”

“I see. It must’ve been tough.” Syaoran said sincerely. Having had only a taste of judgment under the Clan, he can’t imagine how tough it must be to grow up under those circumstances.

To his surprise, Fuutie smiled at him. “It was, but not as tough as you’d think. Mother and Father shielded us from the worst the Clan had to offer and I also did the same for your sisters. We always had each other when things got tough, so there was rarely a moment where we were really hit hard.”Fuutie paused and her smile faded away. “At least, not until Father died.”

The subject brought a whole new level of unfamiliarity to the conversation. Again, his lack of knowledge of his father alienated him from his sister. Syaoran knew only little facts about him, like the time of his death.

“He died shortly after I was born, right?” he asked.

Fuutie nodded. “Yeah, but he was sick for a long time before that. He tried to cover it up for a while, but eventually he couldn’t keep it a secret. It was in the details. Father was quite physically fit, yet at that time he would often tire quickly after quite a while only walking for a short period. His appearance also started to change as he looked more pale. I also caught him coughing up blood several times, though he concealed it when he noticed me there. After a while, it was too obvious to cover up so he finally told us he was sick. Even then, he didn’t say what it was, just that it was dire and his days are numbered. Unfortunately, that news came around the same time we knew that Mother was pregnant with you. I felt like it was unfair then and I still do now. It felt like God or Fate was adding insult to injury by offering us a cruel trade; one life for another.”

Fuutie paused as she realized what her words implied. She immediately faced Syaoran and shook her hands back and forth. “I’m sorry! I don’t mean to blame you or insinuate it should’ve been you or anything. Please forget what I just said!”

Syaoran waved it off. “It’s okay. I’m not offended. I know this must’ve been hard on all of you.”

Fuutie exhaled a sigh of relief and continued.” Yeah, it was. We watched him slowly deteriorate while you were growing inside Mother. I think that hit him the hardest, knowing that there’s a chance he might not live to see you. Even so, Father was always an optimist. He always taught us to always do the best with our time, so he did just that. He focused on doing whatever he could in the limited time he had left, even after he was mostly bedridden. Likewise, we all did all we could to help for all the time we had. Mother sought help from multiple sources, both medical and magical. As for me and your sisters, we did what we thought we could as children. We spent all the time we could with him, cheered him up every chance we could get, and made sure to let him know that we cherished him very much. In the end though, we were all just trying to prolong the inevitable, since none of us were ready to lose him. I think he knew this, so he told us that he would always be with us no matter what, that death would not separate us.”

“He was also very concerned about you, you know. Anytime Mother worried about his health, he would dismiss it and ask her about your development instead. It’s just like him to focus on life instead of death.” Fuutie turned to Syaoran and gave a sad smile, the tears pooling in her eyes reflecting in her gaze.   “You kept him going, Xiao Lang. I don’t think he would’ve lasted as long as he did if you weren’t there. All he wanted was to live long enough to see you and he did, just a few moments after you were born. I think that seeing you finally gave him closure, so not long after that he…he…”

She never finished that sentence as she broke into uncontrollable sobs. The tears that had been building finally let loose as her body trembled in emotion. Her hands reflexively went to her eyes to wipe the steady stream of water. Syaoran watched his sister let loose the emotions she had been holding. A year ago, he would’ve been at a loss at how to deal with emotional outbursts, but he had changed a lot since then, and almost reflexively, he immediately stood up from his chair and hugged her. He felt her body tense in surprise at the gesture but it quickly settled and she reciprocated and placed her arms around him. They stayed locked there in an embrace until Syaoran felt the sobs quiet down. When they finally stopped, he let her go and looked at her tear-stained face, a few tears also shed from his own.

“Thank you.” Fuutie wiped the rest of the droplets and looked at Syaoran with her familiar bittersweet smile. “You know you’re a good person, Xiao Lang. Father would’ve been proud of you. It really is unfair that you were the only one of us who didn’t get a chance to know him. I keep wishing that he was still here and we were together, all seven of us, well eight including Wei.” Tears threatened to come out again, but she took a deep breath and held them in. “I really miss him.”

Syaoran looked at his sister’s longing expression, filled with affection for a man he couldn’t meet. Fuutie had always made her disdain for the Clan quite transparent, but he had always assumed it was because of the hard judgment they gave her. Now he felt that there were deeper roots from which her contempt had spawned from. He considered whether voicing his suspicions after her emotional outburst was appropriate but decided to take the risk.

“Do you blame the Clan for what happened to Father?” he asked cautiously.

Fuutie’s initial shocked reaction made him worry he had treaded on her emotions, but she quickly recomposed herself and replied with conviction. “I do. I know it’s somehow irrational since Father’s sickness was not the Clan’s fault, at least that I know of, but some part of me does blame them. Since they came into our lives, the Clan has brought us nothing but misfortune, so I can’t help but believe they’re somehow responsible for him passing too. It wasn’t like they ever had any respect for him either. Even after his death, they only offered condolences out of obligation. Even those were just attempts to repair their tense relationship with Mother after you were born.  I don’t think they would’ve even said anything if they didn’t know that you were born with strong magical powers. The only constant thing the Clan has shown is how entirely self-serving they are. I don’t even know why Mother thought bringing us back into their fold was a good idea.”

 “Do you blame her for all that’s happened?”  

 Fuutie pondered the question for a moment. “I don’t. That would be unfair to her. The decision to ‘re-enter’ the Clan was made by both our parents, not just her, but I also can’t deny that decision also brought more bad in our lives than good and now she’s the only one left now who can tell us why. I just want her to answer why she put us back under the Clan, yet she constantly refuses to tell us anything about her relationship with the Clan. I mean, it’s also obviously taking a toll on her. Doesn’t she know we’re also worried about her? I’m worried about her?! I don’t want to lose her too, you know! I even tried to find things out myself and while I have my suspicions, I don’t want to assume anything. I want to hear it from her.”

“I see.” Syaoran considered asking Fuutie what she ‘found out’ but decided it wasn’t needed to listen to conjecture. What she said was true enough, Yelan kept her dealings with the Clan under wraps. Even now, she was off in Beijing to negotiate for him and Syaoran didn’t know what she was doing to do that. It was perhaps one of his greatest fears in indulging the idea of leaving; he had no idea how his mother would react. Even though he’s seen that she bears some disdain for the Clan, she was still a part of it and he didn’t know how she would take that.

“Are you afraid of what she’d say if you left the Clan?”

The question broke through his trance and Syaoran looked at Fuutie in shock, but she just chuckled. “We _are_ talking about her and you suddenly went all moody. What else could it be?”

He couldn’t argue with that reasoning. “Yeah, I am.”

“Hmmm…” Fuutie rubbed her chin in contemplation. “Well, I can’t give you an answer for that either, but...” She stood up from her chair and placed her hand on his shoulder. Syaoran looked up at his sister, her eyes brimming with determination. “Xiao Lang, I’ve seen the Clan use you as their personal magic pawn and abandoning you when you were no longer of use to them. They don’t deserve you, Xiao Lang, so I wholeheartedly support you if you were to leave the Clan. If the moment comes when you decide to take that step, know that I will stand by you, no matter who may oppose you, even if it is Mother herself. Back at the library I said I would support your decision and I meant it. We all did. We are at your side, no matter what. Nothing should stand in the way of your happiness, not even the Clan.”

The firmness in her voice shook him. “Thank you.” Syaoran replied, “Though you may have a hard time convincing the others to face Mother.”

Fuutie chuckled and replied with an air of humorous confidence. “Leave that to me. I can convince your sisters to do anything, though it may take a while for this particular task.” She finished and playfully winked at him.

Syaoran couldn’t help but laugh a little at her little crack. “Then I’ll return the favor. When you decide to ask Mother about her reasons, tell me. I’ll come along and help as best I can.”

“Deal!” Fuutie offered her hand and Syaoran shook it firmly. She smiled at him with a cheerful grin that he had not seen on her face for this last week. He thought about how funny it was that not too long ago he had considered that expression annoying, yet looking at his sister now he wouldn’t have her looking any other way. Reflexively, a smile also crossed his face.

The overhead squawk of a bird brought them back to the world. Both of them looked at the sky, now already red with streaks of darkness croaching in. In front of them, the sun was already setting behind the horizon.

“Guess we’ve been talking for a while, huh?” Fuutie commented.

“Guess so.” Syaoran replied contentedly. “Let’s head back inside.”

Both of them turned and walked back towards the mansion when they caught sight of three people heading their way. Feimei was running at the front and behind her Shiefa and Fanren followed, the latter rather falling behind. Even so, they were synchronized as they yelled out under the evening sun.

“Fudie!”

The subject of their calls looked at them and smiled heartily.

“They were really worried, you know.” Syaoran spoke.

Fuutie nodded in reply. “I know. Guess I’d better tell them I’m okay.” Fuutie began to rush forward but looked back and gave Syaoran a wink. “If you’ll excuse me.”

Syaoran smiled in reply and watched as Fuutie ran to meet her sisters while shouting at the top of her lungs. “Hi, girls!”. All four of them met up halfway and huddled together in a mess of hugs. There were a lot of screaming and tears but all of them were smiling. Syaoran watched his sisters and couldn’t help but feel a bit happy. His own problems still plagued him in the back of his mind, but sharing his thoughts and concerns with Fuutie had relieved his heart a little. He hadn’t come to a decision but it gave him peace of mind that he wasn’t alone, that someone else understands how he felt and was ready to support him. He would have a lot of thinking to do in the days to come to make the right choice, but that could wait. For now, he was content with seeing his sisters laughing together.

* * *

  


M: Testing.

M: Did you get it?

T: Yes! I got your message.

M: Wow, I can’t believe it actually worked. This is amazing, Daidouji-san! Thanks for sending it to me!

T: Thank you. It’s still a test copy though, so it’s really plain looking. The program is still in it’s early stages and we’re still working out the issues it has so for now this is only limited to text, but we’re developing ways to send images and videos as well. The good news is technology could be advancing pretty fast in the next few years so we may even be able to talk directly using video soon.

M: Wow, instantaneous messaging. What will you think of next? Your company sure is amazing, Daidouji-san!

T:  Haha it’s Mother you should be thanking, but I’ll be sure to give her your compliments!

T: So how are things in Hong Kong? Your last email said Li-kun has been having a hard time lately.

M: Yeah, and I think things have gotten worse. He was pretty out of it at school today. I think something happened but he wouldn’t talk to me about it. Honestly! He’s really annoying when he’s being stubborn.

T: That sounds just like Li-kun!

M: Yeah, but I’m worried about him. If he keeps forcing himself like this he’ll end up hurting himself just like back then with the Clow Cards.

M: Anyways, nothing much else has happened other than that. School’s been pretty normal for me. How about you, Daidouji-san? How are things back in Japan?

T: It’s going great! We’re still preparing for the festival but everything’s going along smoothly. Sakura-chan still has trouble with her lines though.

M: Ah that girl’s as clumsy as ever.

M: How is Kinomoto-san doing, anyways? I sent her a letter but I haven’t gotten her reply yet.

T: She’s doing fine, but she’s been having trouble focusing lately. She even lost focus in the middle of saying her lines today.

M: Honestly, that girl is such an airhead!

T: It’s one of Sakura-chan’s charms! Besides, I get to have footage of her daydreaming face, and it’s so cute!

M: That sounds just like you, Daidouji-san, but don’t you think you’re spoiling her a bit? You should get a little tough with her sometimes like I do to Syaoran.

T: Well, that’s just how Sakura-chan is! I wouldn’t dream of changing her!

T: Although she has been daydreaming more than usual lately. If I had to guess, it’s because she misses a certain someone…

M: I still can’t believe she hasn’t properly said her feelings yet, and Syaoran allowed it!

M: Honestly, dealing with those two can be frustrating sometimes!

T: They’ll get there eventually. We just have to be patient. Their slowness is exactly why they fit each other.

M: Yeah, well at this rate nothing will happen at all.

M: Hmmm…

T: What are you thinking, Meiling-chan?

M: Summer break’s coming soon in Japan too, right?

T: Yes, it is!

M: I think it’s about time for our two lovebirds to reunite, don’t you think?

T: YES!!!

T: LET’S DO IT!!!

T: I AM GOING TO GET SO MUCH GOOD FOOTAGE!!!

M:  You’re really something else, Daidouji-san…

  


  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, where to begin?
> 
> To start with, sorry for the long update time. I know I don't exactly have an obligation to put these out quickly and rushing out half-finished stories would be bad, but all the same I don't want to take too much time on a chapter. There were some complications, to be fair. I had surgery and also exams which delayed things greatly, but mostly it was just me being a perfectionist which made an update way too long. Anyways, here's the latest chapter. I do hope it's worth the wait.
> 
> Good news is we're reaching the Sealed Card Movie timeline, and the anime just so graciously provided some content for this arc (that dance practice scene, my god) among other things (The Meiling episodes were gold! It had some background to Li's family and showcased Meiling's character wonderfully). I'm quite a bit confused with what the anime establishes as canon, since the Sealed Card is mentioned but Eriol's house is not demolished, though this is likely because Akiho stays in Eriol's house in the manga. Also, apparently Sakura confesses and gives the teddy bear to Syaoran at the airport, but that didn't happen in the original anime and would negate the plot of the Sealed Card movie, which was Sakura trying to confess to Syaoran. It's more of a case of the anime trying to have the cake and eat it too. Anyways, since I'm basing this story on the original anime run, I'll just go with that for now. In the future I might end up contradicting the anime as more things get established, but I'll deal with that when I get there. I also don't plan on mentioning the Clear Cards for now, since we haven't gotten anything established yet other than Sakura is creating the Cards and Kaito needs them for something, but I'll be glad to know what you guys think. Please leave your thoughts in the comments!


	12. Burnout - Part III

   


   


Syaoran watched the car leave through the gate and disappear as it turned from the path leading to the training ground back to the main road towards the city, leaving only a trail of smoke and dust behind. He stifled the part of him that wished he was going with it and took in his surroundings. Outside of the fence, he could see mostly grass-covered hills and the main road, which stretched outside his view to the horizon. Syaoran focused his attention inside the fence, where the guard on duty had closed the gate which served as both entrance and exit to the compound. He wore a regular security uniform and was chatting with a similarly dressed person. Other guards patrolled the perimeter of the training ground with a sidearm at the ready. These were the standard security, highly trained in combat and the use of firearms. It was deeper into the compound where the heavy security lay. The actual building which served as the training center was guarded by another set of guards which had a different arsenal at their disposal. These were the elite Li Clan guards, trained in both martial arts and magic. They wore long oriental garbs and armed with a pointed staff which served as a melee weapon and a conduit for magic. Their faces were also veiled with only a slit for their eyes which served as protection and concealed their identity, giving them an ancient appearance like the guards to an ancient imperial palace. Despite the contrasting appearance from their modern looking counterparts though, they were just as formidable as their colleagues if not more, hence why they are charged with guarding the inside of the compound.

The actual structure which served as the Clan’s training facility wasn’t extravagant by the Clan standards. In fact, it’s drab grey coloring and warehouse structure made it look less-than-plain. However, this was intentional design to make the compound attract less attention. Contrary to it’s rundown appearance, the building was very well-constructed to withstand the use of magical forces within it and soundproofed to conceal said magical activities. The interior was lined with protective spells to provide further protection to the structure from potentially destructive magic within whether intentional or accidental, mostly the latter. Wards were also placed around the perimeter which magically deterred any unwitting passerby and protect the building and the people within in case of an attack. These magical protections were maintained by the elite guards, who routinely check the spells and renewed them when necessary. Finally, it’s remote location meant there was less likelihood of it being found by people who weren’t involved with the Clan. All these measures were taken to protect the people within, the young trainees who would one day become the future of the Li Clan and arguably it’s greatest assets.

Syaoran looked up at the building, took a deep breath and exhaled deeply. He had been dreading his return here all week, although it had admittedly helped that things were lively again back at home. Fuutie had shared the details of their afternoon conversation to the others, much to his dismay, so his sisters were pretty riled up. They set about discussing it with him and providing their own input to the situation. Their opinions had not been as strong as Fuutie’s, ranging from casual dislike from Fanren and Shiefa to plain indifference from the twins, but they all did agree upon the flaws of the Clan and empathized with his position. True to her word, Fuutie had also managed to convince them to support him against Mother should the need arise, though this last one was spoken with reluctance from all parties including Syaoran himself. He had determined that knowing more about their family’s relationship with the Clan, both past and present, would be a determining factor in his decision, so it was decided that asking her would be the next logical step, though it was one they were pretty afraid to take considering how secretive she was about her dealings with the Clan. Incurring their mother’s wrath was the last thing they wanted to do, but it was a risk they had to take. When it came down to it though, they knew there was very little they could do if their mother disagreed. Yelan Li was strong-minded and would hold her ground even against their combined efforts. Even so, it wasn’t his mother which actually worried him the most or even whether or not he had support. He knew he could count on his sisters and Meiling if he needed it, though he hadn’t told the latter anything yet. As it was, Meiling seemed suspiciously cheery when he met her the day after he talked to Fuutie and she wouldn’t tell him anything when he asked about it. Whatever it was, her behavior seemed to indicate that it involved him for some reason. He wasn’t really up for mischief on his part but if it kept her busy then it would benefit him for now.

No, the problem wasn’t with anyone else but him. He weighed in everything he knew; the Clan was now drilling him greatly to make him atone for his failure to capture the Clow Cards. He  would not dispute that it was true he had not accomplished the mission given to him nor say that there should be no consequence for it, but it did trouble him how differently the Clan treated him. Before they had been more accommodating to him and his progress as a mage, which had motivated him to do the best. That had not been enough, and now they desired to fix that. Syaoran wouldn’t necessarily say that he’d been cast aside; the fact that they’re still training him meant that he still had an expectation to fulfill, but it was clear their opinion of him had significantly lowered and every time he was faced with crushing defeat he was reminded that he was not at the standard that the Clan wanted him to be at.

Added to that were the stories from people around him like Wei, Meiling, his sisters and to some extent his mother. All of them had their own problems with the Clan which helped him to see the Clan in a new light, one that was greatly unpleasant but closer to reality. All of a sudden he was questioning whether or not the approval sent his way had been worth anything. When he combined every account he had heard, a common theme surfaced: the Clan’s approach was authoritarian and ultimately self-serving, and Syaoran had to admit there is truth to that with the evidence presented to him. They provided a very strong reason to the argument that leaving the Clan would be in his best interest…

…and yet even with all that in mind, his heart still felt heavy when he thought about it. He had thought about it in the days that followed and had come to a solid conclusion: he didn’t want to leave the Clan. Even after all he had gone through and the stories that everyone told him, there was a strong desire deep in his heart to remain in the Clan. He could discuss leaving the Clan as an alternative all he wanted, but each step he took in that direction made him feel like he did when he wanted to leave Sakura without saying goodbye, a betrayal against his own self. Both the desire to be with Sakura and the desire to remain in the Clan screamed in his heart, even when he knew that both were most likely opposite of each other. He thought about the letter he had received this week, where Sakura had mostly relayed her difficulties her role in the upcoming play her class was doing for the upcoming festival and ended her letter with a wish to see him soon. Reading that had brought back the unbearable tug in his heart to see her, to be with her, to watch her play and even to be with her on the stage again, though that last one was wishful thinking on his part. In response, his desire to remain in the Clan flared up in his heart, a fierce rejection at the idea of abandoning the Clan itself. He had always been a part of the Li Clan and had always felt a strong sense of pride in that. Now, he was forced to question whether that pride had been a hollow product of a false sense of belonging. He didn’t want to believe that, he couldn’t. Surely there was some meaning to all his years in service of the Clan.

There has to be.

The sound of someone clearing his throat snapped him back to reality. Syaoran looked up and saw a guard posted on the entrance of the building was now looking at him impatiently through the slits in his veil. He couldn’t help but blush in embarrassment as he realized he had been staring into the door for a few minutes now. Syaoran briskly made his way to the door but stopped short of opening it. Once more he looked up at the building and followed downwards towards the hand holding the door handle. He didn’t know how long he could keep this up, but he knew he had to make up his mind soon.

With that final thought, he steadied his breath and pushed the door open.

**

The first thing that registered as he began to part the door was the familiar sound of spells being cast and weapons clashing against dummies and each other. As the door swung fully, the source of these sounds came into view; young trainees ranging from children to teenagers practicing various drills of magical and martial art skills. The interior itself was plain in it’s design. The space within was divided into four separate blocks by two cross-sectional paths which allowed access to each block. The blocks were set to divide them all according to their classes. The lower left block was allocated for beginners to magic, mostly kids from six to twelve years old. The lower right block was for the intermediate classes, mostly pre-teen to early teenagers who are starting to grow with the exception of a few older teens also stayed behind. In the upper right section, the advanced class comprised of teenagers and young adults. Despite the large area, in total there were only a few handful of mages-in-training within the compound which left a lot more space than what was being used. Finally, there was the upper left section, which was a private training area currently being used by him and Fang Zhi. Like it’s exterior, the interior was built more for function than aesthetics so it was sparse in decorum. However, the Clan’s symbol in the center of the room made it known that this was still their property. Atop where each path met the walls of the building were spherical stones embedded in the walls. Each of them had Chinese writings for each of the directions; North, South, East, and West. These were the wards which protected the interior and cast a protective layer inside.

Syaoran took in all these familiar sights and took a step inside. Like he has done countless times before, he turned to shut the door before walking inside. The huge wooden door creaked on it’s hinges before finally clicking in place, creating a deep thud. Syaoran turned back to walk inside to his training area when he noticed it; the place had gone slightly quieter. It was only when he had his view back to the interior that he noticed why.

Everyone in the room was all looking at him.

It was only for a fleeting moment, even less than a second. Syaoran himself barely caught it as they hurriedly went back to their own businesses when he caught sight of them, the way a person does when they get caught gawking at somebody for too long. Even so, he could see how unnaturally they were returning to their own routines. Some of the younger trainees were already sneaking peeks at him. Likewise, he was now alerted to their presence but did his best to ignore them. He walked as casually as he could to his training area and tried to let them fade into the background. It was just another day of training, nothing more-

“ _It’s him.”_

Syaoran caught the first whisper and turned a glance at it’s direction. A boy and a girl around his age were sitting on a resting bench and whispering to each other. One of them, the girl, was sneaking glances at him. Upon realizing he saw her she kept quiet in a panic. The boy was startled by her behavior and turned to see what she was looking at but she stopped him.

‘ _Don’t pay attention. Just keep walking._ ’ Syaoran looked forward to his training area. It was still empty, which gave him a slight relief. It meant that he wasn’t due for a punishment for being late and had some time to prepare before they began training.

“ _He’s still coming. I can’t believe it._ ”

“ _After the beat down last week, I thought he’d quit for sure._ ”

The whispers were beginning to pile on and try as he might, Syaoran could not shut them out. Quite the opposite, they seemed to be amplified in his ears. He picked up his pace gradually without trying to panic. The sooner he could get there the sooner he could get this day over with.

“ _I really feel sorry for him. What did he even do?_ ”

“ _I heard the Elders gave him something important to do and he failed.”_

_“I would not want to be in his shoes now.”_

_“Better him than me.”_

Syaoran gritted his teeth and clenched his bag tighter. In front of him the path seemed to stretch even longer. He kept his gaze downward, not daring to look at the observing eyes around him. Their hushed conversations were largely amplified in his ears now, an effect he was aware was a product of his troubled mind but nonetheless powerless to stop.  He wasn’t even sure if some of them were real or his own imagination. Whatever they were, he could hear each syllable rang with clarity that grew sharper with each second.

“ _Hmph, maybe they shouldn’t have sent a kid to do a man’s job.”_

_“The Elders must be going senile. What the hell do they see in him?”_

_“Shhh! Don’t say that so loud!”_

_“Even I could do better than that!”_

_“Man, they’re really tough on the young ones now, huh? I’m glad it wasn’t on my time.”_

_“The Head Sorceress must be disappointed. None of her children have anything close to her talent.”_

_“Bet he was spoiled. Nothing good ever comes from being spoiled.”_

_“Oh boy, we’re going to get another spectacle today!”_

_“He doesn’t know when to quit, does he? Probably don’t have a choice.”_

_._

_._

_“He doesn’t belong here.”_

_‘Come on! Walk faster!’_ Syaoran watched his feet take him faster and faster, relying only on muscle memory to take him to his training court. It wouldn’t stop their gossips but he felt like being out of the open would help; anything to quiet their gossips and snickering. He kept looking down when a person’s shadow came into view in his immediate path. As he walked closer, he noticed the shadow wasn’t moving which told him the person was stationary. Syaoran slowly stopped walking and looked up at the source of the shadow. The boy who had antagonized him two weeks ago, Su Bao if he remembered correctly, was standing in his way with his two friends on both his sides in a straight formation. They were spaced across the path to the court rather widely since the path itself was quite wide, but their intent was quite clear; they were blocking him from passing.

“Hello again.”

 _‘Not this again.’_ Syaoran groaned in his mind.

“I don’t have time for this right now.”

Su Bao let out a laugh which his two cronies quickly echoed. “Oh, don’t worry. You’re on my time now. I told you l was going to knock you off your high horse and I like to keep my word.” The boy took a step forward, which signaled his friends quickly followed.

“I don’t want to fight. I don’t have a problem with any of you.” Syaoran replied, but even as he spoke he knew the situation was beyond words. The three of them were enclosing on him with wolfish grins on their faces. Still, he had to try to at least reason with them. “If you do this now, you’ll get all of us in trouble.”

His last words seemed to stir the other two. One of them stopped in his tracks and the other began to walk uncertainly. However, their leader was undaunted.

“Oh, I know, but I don’t care. You see, I’m just a normal trainee, not worth any attention. They’ll just give me some disciplinary action, nothing I haven’t gone through before. But you, you’re different. You’ve got the attention of the higher-ups for whatever reason, so I imagine they’re going to be tougher on you. Hell, that teacher of yours will probably put you through the ropes for this. And unlike me, you’re not used to that, golden boy. You’ll break sooner or later, and that’s good enough for me. Besides, I just can’t hold myself back any longer.”

Syaoran looked at the fiery hatred in the boy’s eyes and wondered for a moment what circumstances led him to hate someone he had never known. He shelved the question away as it wouldn’t help him in his current situation. The two boys, emboldened by their leader’s resolve had continued their approach. With almost no options left, Syaoran did something he never thought he’d do, something he utterly loathed; he pulled rank.

“My mother, the Head Sorceress-”

“-is currently away and in no position to help you. Even if she was, there are rumors she’s not in good terms with the Elders. Any fault of yours will also reflect on her. You see, there’s no outcome where you win from this, Li Xiao Lang. Your mother can’t help you, little boy. She’s as impotent as you are. Ha! She probably passed on her weakness to you, just like your weakling sisters.”

Syaoran recognized the taunt, knew it was meant to goad him to anger, but couldn’t stop the rising fire in his heart. _“Leave. Them. Out. Of. This.”_

“Oh no, the little wolf’s angry.” Su Bao threw up his hands in mock fear. The other two, ever so loyal, snickered at their leaders’ actions, before focusing their attention back to him. “What’s the matter? You gonna stand there and look at me angrily all day? You all bark and no bite??”

Syaoran looked at his three adversaries. He had done all he could to dissuade them from the conflict and given them every chance to walk away. A minute ago, he had considered simply slipping past their blockade but now it was too late. This fight was happening, whether he wanted to or not. He dropped his back and kicked it to the side far enough to not hinder his fight. He entered his combat stance, never taking his eyes of his opponents.

“That’s more like it.” The lead boy motioned his goons forward. Syaoran kept his eyes on each of their positions. Even through his anger, he recognized he was at a disadvantage. One slip-up and the three of them would gang up on him. He had no measure of their skill relative to his, though the fact that the leader had chosen to gang up on him meant that they weren’t confident enough to take him one-on-one. Even so, he dared not underestimate his opponents. His mind raced through all the possible scenarios trying to come up with a strategy for each one even as his trained senses kept track of all their movements. He juggled between the three of them as they began to funnel towards him. He locked his eyes with the boy on the left, then the Su Bao, by far the bulkiest of the bunch, then the right-most boy. He made his way back to the leader in the middle again, who looked at him with passionate fury. Then for a moment, he broke his gaze and looked at something behind Syaoran and raised his right eyebrow slightly.

The realization that the boy was signaling came immediately to Syaoran, but it was a fraction of a second too late. Even as he sidestepped to avoid the attack from behind, a fist grazed his left upper jawbone. He had dodged to escape most of the damage but the impact still reverberated through his head. Looking to his side, he saw the perpetrator: another boy had snuck up behind him while the other three occupied his attention. The surprise attack had not gone smoothly, but it was enough to momentarily distract him. The other three was now closing on him and Syaoran had to quickly act if he was to turn the situation to his favor.

In a moment of adrenaline, Syaoran quickly focused on the nearest of the attackers; the boy who had sneaked up on him and was now approaching his position. Still in the middle of his sidestep, Syaoran used the momentum and lowered his body to the ground. He positioned his arms beneath him and hunched his entire body to spring as the boy approached him. A second later, he pushed at his opponent’s direction as hard as he can, propelling his entire body and extending it fully. His left foot, which was fully extended, connected squarely with the right-half of the boy’s face. The impact sent the boy a distance away and put him on his back. Meanwhile, Syaoran used the energy that propelled his body to get back up on his feet. With one opponent down, he turned his attention towards the others only to see a balled-up fist blocking his view.

Syaoran’s hand reflexivelt raised to block but it was too late. The blow connected squarely with his left cheek and Syaoran tasted blood as his teeth cut against the inside of his mouth. He could barely make out the left-most boy grinning in dark satisfaction at his success through his disorientation. The remaining two were nothing more than blurred shadows but Syaoran could tell they were close; he could feel the hostile aura encroaching on him. Again, he moved instinctively. Syaoran put his weight on his left leg and grabbed the arm that had punched him. Using the momentum of the attack, he spun his body around his assailant’s back at the same time kicking the right leg joint. As his assailant’s body collapsed, Syaoran came full circle and delivered a solid chop to the left shoulder. The boy screamed in pain at the attack and immediately went limp on the floor.

Syaoran was about to turn his attention to the two remaining assailants when he felt their weight thrust upon him. Both of them had tackled him hard enough to knock the breath from his lungs. Their combined weight was too much for him to withstand and finally knocked him down. A moment later, he felt his body being propped up.

“Quick, restrain him!”

The boy quickly did as Su Bao told him and held Syaoran from the back, restraining his hands. Syaoran struggled to break free of the hold but was immediately subdued by a punch in the gut.

“I’ve been waiting a long time to do that.” Su Bao gritted through his teeth. He followed through with a second punch. Waves of pain shot up through Syaoran’s head. He could barely hear the voices of the others reacting to the riot they were causing. Some of them were chanting, others were telling them to stop. He could see some of the instructors coming to break them up, but they weren’t there yet and Su Bao relished the time that he would get. The boy was quite bulky and his punches were strong enough that when they connected they sent waves throughout his body, weakening him.

And the grip of the boy restraining him.

As Su Bao came for another punch in the gut, Syaoran quickly moved with the leeway he had and jumped. The punch missed him but connected with the boy behind him, which made him release his grip immediately. At the same time, Syaoran shot his feet forward towards Su Bao, hitting him in his torso and face. All three of them hit the floor at the exact same time. Ignoring the pain throughout his body, Syaoran got up on his feet before the other two could do the same. This was it. He was going to end this pointless brawl now. His hand went for the pendant on his neck and snapped it of it’s rope as he poured his magic onto it, summoning his sword. As Su Bao got up with a bloodied nose, he put the sword point facing the boy.

“ _Stand down._ ”

Su Bao glared at him then smiled menacingly and raised his hands in surrender. “Guess you can bite after all. Fine, I’ll admit it. We’re no match for you.” He gestured his head to something behind Syaoran. “But you’re no match for him.”

“BOY!!!” came the familiar shout of his instructor from behind him.

“And you just made him angrier than ever.”

Syaoran glared at Su Bao before taking the sword of the boy. He looked at his teacher, who was now approaching him with maddened hurry. “I arrive here ready to train you only to find you fighting like some street dog! Have you fallen so low?!”

“They attacked me first, Teacher. I was forced to defend myself.” Syaoran spoke indignantly.

“More excuses! Is that why you’re pointing your sword at an armless opponent?! Are you so desperate for victory?!”

“I was only trying to-”

“ENOUGH! As your teacher, it falls upon me to discipline you. If you want a fight, I will show you what a true fight is. To your post!” Fang Zhi rushed past him towards their training court. Su Bao and his cronies was already up and about and receiving their own earfuls from their instructors, but the former spared a glance at Syaoran to once again give him a mocking grin. Syaoran clutched the grip of his sword tighter. Su bao had got what he wanted, a front-seat ticket to his beating. He picked up his bag and went to his training court. Sure enough, Fang Zhi was already prepared to start when he arrived.

“Ready yourself, boy.”

“Teacher, with all due respect, I am not in a condition to train effectively.” Syaoran reasoned. “I will take whatever punishment you have but I risk myself if I continue.”

“You should have thought of that before you started brawling. How effective my training is, I will decide myself, boy, not you. Enter your stance!”

Syaoran looked at the stoic face of his teacher, worn from years of anger and knew that there was no reasoning with him. Begrudgingly, he put his sword in front of him and readied himself. He could taste the blood in his mouth with the pain in his face and abdomen, the latter of which made standing up difficult. He tried to focus his wavering vision on his opponent, the man with the black garb wearing an angry expression. It was a sight he was now familiar with along with the pain and defeat that came afterward. Syaoran spared a glance to his surroundings. The other trainees were now watching him from their own courts. Even some of the teachers spared a glance to his view. In that moment he knew if he lost here, it would be the final blow to his standing in the Li Clan. That pressure seemed to weigh down on his limbs even more. He cast aside the thought as best he could and returned to his teacher, the opponent that lay in front of him.

“BEGIN!!!”

The sound rang like a gunshot in his ears. He saw it coming; he could see every muscle on Fang Zhi’s face tense as if he was loading a bullet, which is a fair comparison, as Fang Zhi immediately shot forward like a bullet with his sword drawn in less than a second after the yell. Syaoran’s instincts kicked in and immediately he raised his sword to block his teacher’s blow. The impact vibrated through his body, reminding him of the injuries he had already sustained and he let out a grunt. His defense had been instinctive but he had not been prepared for the sheer power behind the attack. Added to that were the bruises he already had which made it harder to stand. Syaoran immediately flung backwards and skidded to a stop in his back. As he landed, he felt the footsteps of his teacher already approaching him and saw that Fang Zhi was still on the offensive. Ignoring the increasing pain in his body, he immediately got up and met his follow-up with his blade. This time Syaoran braced himself just enough to keep their swords locked which allowed him to take a good look at his opponent’s face. It was then that he saw something which shocked him. He had expected to see a furious expression on his teacher’s face for disobeying him, and the anger was still present in his expression to some extent. However, he had not expected to see a gleeful grin on the man’s face.

The grin had startled him out of his senses for a moment, which gave Fang Zhi an opening. In a quick move, he broke the blade lock and delivered a side kick to Syaoran’s abdomen, pushing him aside. Syaoran felt like ragdoll as he landed on his side. Again, the pain jolted through his body. He knew that he couldn’t afford to keep taking direct hits from Fang Zhi, especially with what he had just learned. He looked to the man to confirm his suspicions and found Fang Zhi looking at him with an expression of hateful glee, the same expression of satisfaction he had seen on Su Bao’s face moments ago. The grin had been replaced with a more subdued smirk but it confirmed his suspicions.

Fang Zhi was enjoying this.

Anger surged through Syaoran as the realization hit him. All this time, he had thought the man was being tough on him as it was his way of teaching but the expression told him Fang Zhi had been toying with him. All the frustration he had felt for the last few weeks came back to him, which further fed the fire growing inside him. Syaoran clutched his sword and propped himself up on his feet. The pain he had felt before was numbed. He had only one thing in mind; to wipe the grin off that face.

Fang Zhi seemed to recognize Syaoran’s anger which made him smile wider. The smile remained on his hardened face as he gathered his magic. Syaoran recognized the stance and prepared to block the oncoming spell with his own. He threw his casting paper upwards as Fang Zhi prepared to strike. As it had before, the paper landed on the hilt of his sword as Fang Zhi poised to fire.

“GOD OF THUNDER, ANSWER MY CALL!!!”

Both of them cast at the same time, but only one bolt shot forth; Fang Zhi’s bolt struck forward as Syaoran realized that no lightning had come out from his sword. He looked with dawning horror as the stream of light approached him. Instinct moved when his mind couldn’t and his hand moved his sword immediately to block the lightning. The bolt struck the blade head on and pushed both the sword and it’s wielder backwards. For the third time, Syaoran found himself put back down on the ground again. He looked at his hands, still trembling from the shock of the spell, and felt a stone in his chest. He had gone through the motions and was sure that he didn’t get any of them wrong, yet at the moment he had cast, he had not felt magic flow through him as it normally did. It wasn’t like last time where it had been difficult to use his magic, this time he couldn’t even break through the barrier.

He was unable to use his magic.

The mocking laugh of his adversary brought him back to reality as Fang Zhi approached him. The man wasn’t hiding anything now and he had a look of pure enjoyment as he approached Syaoran.

“What’s the matter, boy? You can’t use your magic now?” His teacher’s approach was now relaxed, like he was taking his time savoring the moment. “It’s a shame. The Li Clan is a clan of mages after all.” He readied his sword as Syaoran got up to his feet and a smile of hateful delight.

“And there really is no place in the Clan for someone like you.”

***

It took almost four hours for the plane to finally land from Beijing to Hong Kong. From the airport, it was another hour and a half to reach the mansion by car. All in all, it took six hours for Yelan to finally get home. It certainly felt longer, as she spent every minute of it worrying about her son. She had done what she had set out to do but the longer she took to get back the longer Syaoran had to deal with the unfair burden placed on him. But first, she had to stop by her house.

When the car finally entered the mansion driveway, Yelan got out of the car in a hurry. Wei was already waiting for her in the front with servants ready to take her luggage.

“Good evening, Mistress. I hope you are well.” Wei spoke with a smile.

Yelan knew him well enough to detect his underlying concern. “Not yet, but I will have some peace of mind soon enough. Has Xiao Lang already left?”

“That he has.” Wei confirmed. “Will you be heading there, Mistress?”

It was uncanny how well he can read her. “Yes, I just have to get something from my office.”

Wei nodded understandingly. “Then you have accomplished what you set out to do.”

Yelan showed him a document. “Yes, it just needs my stamp to make it official. Then I’ll head there and put a stop to all of this.” She placed the document back inside. “If you will excuse me, old friend, I have something to attend to.”

Yelan gave a nod to her butler and left him to unload her luggage. She entered the mansion to rush to her office only to be greeted by her four daughters.

“You’re back.” Fuutie spoke up.

“Yes.” Yelan replied. “I’m going again to-”

“I know. We heard you talking to Wei.” Fuutie looked to her sisters looking for affirmation. All three of them gave her a nod. Satisfied, she looked to her mother again. “And we’re coming with you.”

“Fuutie, I don’t have time to argue right now.”

“Good, because this isn’t open for debate.” Fuutie steeled her voice. “Mother, there are no words to express how grateful I am for everything you’ve done for all of us. I know everything you’ve done has been to protect us.” She paused and took a deep breath. “But we’re not children anymore and we can’t stand to see you fight alone any longer, so we’ll fight with you whether you want us to or not.”

Yelan looked at her eldest daughter’s determined expression. There was no trace of anger in her face, only a burning resolve which the rest of her daughters shared. It was an expression of youthful determination she had seen so long ago on herself, which is why she knew it was pointless to argue.

“Very well, then. You’ve made your point. I’ll head to the office and then we’ll go to the training grounds together.”

The four of them immediately relaxed and smiled in relief. “Thank you, Mother!” shouted all of them collectively.

Yelan didn’t reply as she walked past them to her office, but deep in her heart, she felt a sense of pride for her daughters and a sense of relief that they were there to support her. Perhaps they were right in saying that she had fought alone for too long, for the gesture touched her more than they knew. Her thoughts then drifted to another person in her family who has been fighting alone.

‘ _Hang in there, Xiao Lang. I’m coming.’_

   


   


  


  


   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update! Things are finally heading to the first planned climax! I followed the advice from the last chapter's comments and tried to be less strict on myself during writing this. It does help to feel a bit relaxed when writing and I like to think it has helped to improve the writing, but as always, I'd love to hear your opinions. Any feedback to improve will greatly help as I continue.
> 
> Also, I've finished the Clear Card anime and manga and there are somethings already established about the Li Family. Perhaps the most obvious one is the fact that the sisters do not have magic, a clear divergence from the sisters in my story. It was one of the things I was worried about when I was establishing them as characters, but in the end I don't regret my decision. As for the rest of the Li Family details, I've thought of ways to work them into the story so we'll see. I'll also be on the lookout for further developments. 
> 
> The anime itself I found a bit hard to enjoy at times. I've heard people complain about the slow pacing, but I honestly wouldn't mind it as much if the anime didn't stretch out it's story at times. i mean, how many visions of Sakura dreaming about the stranger and the mysterious clock do we really need before we get the point. I understand that they were giving time for the manga to catch up but it does take a toll on the already slow pacing. Despite it's flaws though, I liked the anime overall and I hope there's going to be a continuation. I'm curious about the mystery behind Sakura and Akiho and I hope we get to see it animated.
> 
> Anyways, that's just some of my thoughts. Leave yours in the comments below. Meanwhile, it's off to the next chapter for me! Also, I've been working on a new story, one quite shorter than this one and involving Sakura, so be on the lookout for that.


	13. Turning Point

 

Thunder echoed within the confines of the training grounds accompanied by flashes of light. To many of the observing eyes, it felt as if a storm had arrived within the building. They would be right to some extent; a storm was here within the inner left corner of the building. Onlookers stood in awe as lightning rained down upon the stadium, but no one was more focused on the spectacle as the boy who was dodging them.

Syaoran leapt again as a lightning bolt struck where he had been a moment ago. He landed with a roll on the ground, getting dirt on his already sweat-soaked face and shirt and stood again only to be forced to another leap as another lightning bolt headed his way. His body, having sustained multiple bruises already, strained under the constant movement he was forcing upon it. He could already feel the pain his muscles increase with each passing moment.

In his continued evasion, Syaoran looked at his opponent who was channeling the lightning with two outstretched fingers from his left hand. The attacks had driven him backwards and increased the distance between them, which gave Fang Zhi room to pick him off from a distance. He knew that it was only a matter of time before he got hit. He didn’t want to risk trying to counter with his magic again as he wasn’t sure it could work so that left one option: he had to get close.

Syaoran dodged another lightning bolt, this time leaping in the direction of his opponent. He did the same with the next one and the ones that followed, each time slowly closing the distance between them. Fang Zhi seemed to notice this before long as the pattern of each strike began to change. Syaoran tried his best to adapt with the changing patterns but each strike began to each closer and closer to him until finally, he dodged a second too late.

The bolt did not hit him directly but rather grazed his left arm. Still, he felt the pain immediately and let out of shriek of agony. He barely managed to keep himself from falling as he continued to advance forward. A second bolt came down and grazed his right shoulder. His steps were now erratic as he cared less about dodging as much as he wanted to power through, only making effort to keep the lightning from squarely hitting him. He continued to approach even as bolts of lightning grazed him here and there until finally a large bolt came at him. This time, he blocked it with his sword. The impact strained his feet and he barely managed to push it away. He staggered forward as he finally approached Fang Zhi, his sword poised to strike. The man had ceased raining down lightning and in response had readied his own sword.

Syaoran hit with all the power he could muster as Fang Zhi met his attack. Both blades clashed with tremendous force, sending sparks flying and echoing the sound of clashing metal throughout the training ground. The onlookers looked on with amazement at the spectacle both were making. Fang Zhi, however, was visibly unimpressed.

“Is that the best you can do? You’re not going to win against me like that.”

Syaoran gritted his teeth and pushed his blade harder against Fang Zhi’s. However, his opponent wouldn’t budge despite his efforts. The man smirked, amused at the sight of his struggle. In a sudden movement, Fang Zhi pushed back with enormous force, breaking the blade lock and pushing the smaller boy backwards.

“Not that you had a chance to begin with.” he mockingly added.

Syaoran kept his sword in front of him, trying to stay aware of his opponent while catching his breath. Angered as he might be by those words, he knew he was completely at a disadvantage. The chances of him winning against Fang Zhi in close-quarter combat were only a sliver higher than his chances of winning against the man in magic now because of his current inability to use it, but he had only that miniscule difference to rely on.

Fang Zhi began to circle him menacingly. His own blade wasn’t raised but Syaoran knew that the man was still alert. Surprisingly enough, Fang Zhi began to converse casually, not in his usual gruff manner.

“Look at you, struggling to catch your own breath with no magic. You’re pathetic, boy. You don’t deserve to have the Li name.”

“Shut up!”

Fang Zhi laughed the threat off. “What are you going to do? You’re struggling to stand as it is. No wonder you failed to retrieve the Clow Cards. I’d even warned the Elders about sending you in the first place but your abilities are far below even what I had imagined.” Syaoran gripped his sword tighter. He knew Fang Zhi was trying to get under his skin and was irked to admit that it worked on some level. He suppressed the anger within him and kept track of Fang Zhi’s position relative to his.

“Still, even my words were not enough to sway the Elders’ decision. They were so sure of the predictions that they put their blind faith in you. Even your mother, the witch that she is, could see that. I’ve trained mages much more capable than you and I would’ve eagerly sent any of them to take back the artifact rightfully ours, or even retrieve them myself. But no, they had to send you, her wretched spawn. I shouldn’t have been so surprised. Being a disappointment must run in the family.”

The mentions of his mother fueled the fire in his heart but he did his best to disregard them. Instead, he focused on another part of Fang Zhi’s words. “Predictions?”

Fang Zhi let out a mocking chuckle as he continued to circle Syaoran, slowly narrowing the distance between them. “You don’t know anything, do you? I should have guessed. That witch probably didn’t say anything because she didn’t want it to go to your head. Not that it mattered in the end. Did you really think you were chosen because of your abilities, you conceited child? I can tell you this after all this time training you; you are nothing! You’re a kid who’s way over his head. You don’t deserve to wear the name Li, just like your whole cursed family.”

“Don’t you dare talk about my family!” Syaoran snapped.

“You are in no position to be giving me threats, boy! You have no idea what how much your mother has cost the Clan! You and your family are a thorn in our side for far too long. As a member of the Li Clan, it falls upon me to remove you.”

All his statements were following a pattern and Syaoran realized it immediately. “You’re not here by coincidence. You chose to be my trainer.”

Fang Zhi let out another mocking laugh. “At least your mind is still working a little. You’re right; I volunteered myself when the Elders requested an evaluation of your capabilities. I admit I have… _personal_ reasons for accepting the task.” A grin emerged as he spoke the last sentence which sent a shiver up Syaoran. “But don’t go thinking you can blame me for your shortcomings. I’ve treated you as I would any of my students. The standards I’ve set for you are those that I would expect from a mage entrusted with an important mission like the one that was given to you. That you’ve failed to reach that level time and time again is simply an inadequacy on your end and proof of the misplaced trust in you.”

“You don’t know anything about me.” Syaoran spat back.

Fang Zhi let out a mocking laugh. “I know plenty enough and I remain unimpressed. Still, you are nothing but persistent; I’ll give you that. I thought after last week you would’ve given up. I’m almost curious how long you would’ve kept it up before you finally broke.” A malicious grin appeared on his face. “But that doesn’t matter now.”

The man’s reaction intrigued him. “What do you mean?”

“I told you: I was sent here to evaluate you and report back to the Elders. I had originally wanted to wait a little longer but after the stunt you pulled today, I don’t have to. It’s become quite clear that you were unfit for the task given to you in the first place. Your abilities are significantly below standard as proven by your current inability to use magic. Even worse, you took out your frustrations on some fellow trainees which resulted in a fight breaking out; a clear sign of a lack of self-control. Simply put, you are just another child. Your power is nothing but a fluke and you clearly lack the ability to use it properly.”

Syaoran heard Fang Zhi’s perversion of events and felt his rage boil up. He wanted to say that they’d never believe him, but he knew better. It was his word against Fang Zhi’s, and right now he didn’t have any credibility left to him.

He was so absorbed in thought that he almost didn’t notice Fang Zhi lunging forward and slashing at him. Syaoran blocked instinctively, locking their blades. “And when I’m done _disciplining_ you for your actions, I will relay my assessment to the Elders. I’ll make them see that you are nothing more than just another child of and they will no longer be misguided by the idea that you were anything more than that. They will _never_ trust you again.”

Fang Zhi exploded with a sudden burst of force and broke the lock, sending Syaoran back. “You have already lost.”

Syaoran felt his heart turn to stone. The words sounded true; he couldn’t possibly win now and his standing with the Clan is already in ruins, but even as he recognized the truth he couldn’t accept it. Everything he had done, all that he had worked for, was about to be undone.

‘ _No, no, no!!!’_

Syaoran’s vision began to darken and he felt himself being crushed by despair. The pressure built inside of him and he shook uncontrollably until it finally couldn’t be contained anymore. He let out a primal scream and let all of his rage and frustration loose. He looked at Fang Zhi was watching him with amusement and charged forward to attack. As he rushed, everything seemed to fade out. All he could see was his target, who continued to look unworried even as his sword approached.

Their blades collided once more with a loud clang. Syaoran felt the impact vibrate towards his strained arms but he powered through. All he wanted was to land a blow against Fang Zhi and wipe the smirk off his face. He followed the momentum of the impact and spun around for a downward blow, which Fang Zhi blocked with ease. Unfazed, Syaoran continued to attack even as each of his slashes was immediately blocked and parried. It soon became apparent that Fang Zhi was toying with him and purposefully refraining from attacking back. He increased the intensity of his attacks in anger, but to no avail. It wasn’t long before his movements started getting slower and dull and he felt the fatigue slowly creeping back up on him.

It didn’t really surprise him when Fang Zhi finally retaliated, but he had left himself completely unguarded that it didn’t matter. In his rage, he had cast aside his technique and posture in favor of wild swings which left him wide open. Consequently, a swift swing of his opponent’s sword was enough to cast aside his own and break his defense. Before he knew it, Syaoran had a blade pointed against his face.

“Was that your second wind? That was even more pathetic than your previous attempt.” Fang Zhi’s smile quickly faded to his usual hardened expression “I’m done humoring you. You’re done, boy. Accept your fate.” Fang Zhi said flatly. The look of vengeful delight was gone from his face, replaced only with a hardened expression which told Syaoran that the man wasn’t lying. Syaoran looked at the man and the blade pointed at him as the hopelessness of his situation set in again. His body started to fall slump and he felt his grip on his sword loosening. He felt tears welling up in his eyes as he closed them. He was tired, injured and cornered. There really was no other option left for him but to lay down his sword and give up.

_‘NO!!!’_

The final shout of defiance echoed throughout his mind and body, jolting it awake. His sword hand moved instinctively and batted aside Fang Zhi’s sword as his body jumped back to give him some distance.

Fang Zhi’s anger was immediately visible. “So be it.”

Both fighters moved forward and clashed against with each other. This time however, Fang Zhi made it clear he was not in the mood for humoring Syaoran any longer and quickly overwhelmed the boy with an intense offensive push. Each swing felt like he was blocking a cannon ball. In his exhausted state, it didn’t take long until his defense was was completely broken again. An upward strike by Fang Zhi knocked Syaoran’s sword and hand upward and his body backwards. With his body exposed, Fang Zhi immediately spun around and hunched his body to spring into a kick. Syaoran watched with dread as Fang Zhi’s foot struck forward to his abdomen. He was too near to dodge and he would not be quick enough to defend. He was going to get hit on way or another.

But he could hit back.

Syaoran poised his left foot on the ground and pushed against the ground with all his might to keep himself from falling over and regain his stability. With his regained stability he moved his body forward to the incoming kick. At the same time, he brought down his sword pommel-first into the leg as hard as he can.

The pommel hammered down on Fang Zhi’s leg a fraction of a second earlier as the kick connected to Syaoran’s abdomen, hitting him in the calf. The downward force of the blow helped dissipate some of the force behind the kick, but it was still quite powerful. Coupled with the injuries he had already sustained, Syaoran immediately went down from the attack. He wasn’t the only one though; Syaoran’s counter-attack had caught Fang Zhi off-guard and he went down in one knee as he retreated his injured leg, using his sword to keep himself from falling over.

_‘He’s open!’_

Shutting out the pain as much as he could, Syaoran pushed himself upward quickly and rushed towards Fang Zhi who was still on his knees. Fang Zhi reacted immediately and for the first time since the duel began, lifted his sword to seriously defend himself. As they clashed again, Fang Zhi’s sword maneuvered around Syaoran’s and hooked the blade with it’s hilt. This was immediately followed up with a quick spin which sent the sword flying out of Syaoran’s hand to some distance to his left. Syaoran was now weaponless and too close to Fang Zhi‘s range too dodge.

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t attack.

Syaoran charged forward and placed his left foot on top of Fang Zhi’s still bended right knee. With his foot anchored in position, he lifted his entire body all the while rotating it to his left with his right leg extended. A primal yell escaped him as he put as much energy as he could within the rotation. Fang Zhi, whose sword was still flung to the side, tried to move his whole body back  but Syaoran’s whole weight was already in his right foot, anchoring it to the ground, so instead he leaned backwards to avoid the incoming kick while raising his left arm to grab Syaoran.

Neither approach was fast enough. Syaoran connected his foot with Fang Zhi’s face, hitting the man squarely in the cheek. The sight of Fang Zhi’s face being pushed aside by his foot alongside the vibrations which came from the contact got his heart pumping wildly again and garnered a same response from their spectators, though he was too excited at what he had just done to notice them. After all the weeks of rigorous training and the beatdowns, he had scored his first hit against Fang Zhi. To say it felt good was a huge understatement, but he reined his excitement in; the battle was far from over.

Still at the end of his spin, Syaoran bent his right leg and delivered a second kick to Fang Zhi’s face, this one connecting with the middle-left part as his face was still blown to the side by the previous kick, and simultaneously kicked away from Fang Zhi’s knee with his left foot to launch his body to his left where his sword lay. He landed a short distance away from it and quickly grasped the handle tightly before rolling himself back to an upright position.

“YOU-”

Syaoran rushed immediately, knowing that he had only a short window of time before Fang Zhi recovered. He was going to force him to submit before that. He could see Fang Zhi was already getting back on his feet.

“IMPUDENT-”

Syaoran picked up his pace. Fang Zhi had not quite yet recovered, his sword was already poised to strike and he was closing the distance. He was sure he was going to make it in time when Fang Zhi made a quick spin on his feet. His black garb fluttered as he turned to face Syaoran revealing two pointed fingers outstretched at the approaching boy.

“BRAT!!!”

As soon as the words left his mouth, a light appeared on the end of the fingers which quickly turned into a large bolt of lightning. Syaoran had barely enough time to raise his sword in defense and brace his footing as the bolt struck him. Sparks flew as lightning connected with his sword with a huongous amount of force. He tried his best to keep his guard up, but the accumulated injuries he sustained took a toll and he finally budged.

The lightning broke through the guard and hit him in the midsection. Syaoran felt the heat and the shock sting him immediately. Meanwhile, the force of the blast sent him careening backwards a distance away until gravity took it’s toll. He landed roughly and rolled a few times before finally stopping and lying with his front side to the floor.

Syaoran winced as he finally rolled to a stop. A second later, pain came from his entire body and the world spun around him. Through blurred vision, he saw his surroundings. Beside him, the spectators were looking on in shock and talking amongst themselves. He shifted his gaze in front of him, where Fang Zhi was already up on his feet and wiping the blood off his mouth.

_‘Move…’_

Syaoran commanded his body to get up but couldn’t get himself to move other than a few shakes. He reached for his sword, which lay a distance away from his right hand, but could only touch the handle with a few fingers until he accidentally pushed it away from his reach. His hands gave way then and fell back on the floor. Soon after, he felt his vision blur further as darkness approached the corners of his eyes and Syaoran realized he was losing consciousness. His eyelids gradually drew to a close and all sensation of pain and fatigue faded away from his body as he retreated deeper within himself.

**

_And then there was darkness._

_It enveloped him in all directions. He didn’t feel anything, not pain, not the sensation of his sweat-soaked clothes against his body, or the sensation of his body against the floor. He wasn’t really conscious but he hadn’t yet given in to unconsciousness, and was still aware enough to think and a single question echoed through the pitch black._

‘ _It’s over, isn’t it?’_

_It was an unpleasant question to ask. At the moment, it seemed like the answer was obvious.  He had struggled but in the end, his power was not enough and he had fell short of what was required of him, just like during his time capturing the Clow Cards and the Final Judgment. Worse, it had failed him during his time of need. It was not strong enough._

_He was not strong enough._

_‘I gave it my best.’ He said to himself and it was true; he gave it his all and no one could say otherwise, but this thought didn’t comfort him at all, but had quite the opposite effect. Even worse, he had played into Fang Zhi’s hands and now his fate in the Clan was uncertain. He was sure they wouldn’t excommunicate him but they would never look at him the same way again if at all, and he would lose what bargaining leverage he had left to return to Sakura. Granted, the chances of that were slim in the first place, but now it was nigh impossible._

_But does it even matter? Does it matter if the Elders didn’t have faith in him anymore? Or if they even kicked him out of the Clan? He was already thinking about it in the first place so having himself be kicked out could benefit him. True, the Clan had provided him with the necessary funding to live in Japan in the first place and without them it would be significantly harder to do so but he believed with determination he could eventually find a way to return to Tomoeda, to her._

_But he couldn’t accept that. The very notion of not being in the Clan sickened him. He rejected it with every fiber of his being. For better or worse, the Clan was already a part of him. To take it away would be to take away another part of himself. He had carried it with pride knowing that he was a part of one of the most powerful clan of sorcerers in the East and had a fierce desire to preserve that legacy._

_‘So what do I do now?’_

_He stayed there within the darkness trying to answer that question but couldn’t come up with an answer. He was stuck, and for the first time in his life felt the full weight of everything in his shoulders. Sakura, the Clan, all of it crushing him from all sides as the darkness steadily encroached itself around him. ‘I’m losing consciousness’, he realized. The darkness felt tempting and he began to readily welcome it as it drew closer and closer…_

_And then there was a light, shining dimly but visible within the darkness and Syaoran riled again, expelling the darkness away. He looked at the small light within the dark and felt it’s glow. It felt like something familiar, something he once knew. He approached it, or rather floated towards it. As he did, the light began to shine brighter, cutting through the darkness around him until finally there was a blinding flash._

_**_

_Syaoran came to and was greeted with the sight of a dark blue ceiling and recognized it immediately as the training room in his house. He felt himself move slightly as he looked up and saw the familiar face of his guardian. Wei was smiling at him and had a hand extended towards him._

_“Need a hand, Master Xiao Lang?”_

_He paused for a moment before taking the hand, only it wasn’t really him doing it. In fact, all of his actions were completely out of his control yet he was simultaneously living them. Syaoran looked at the scene playing before him. He noticed his hands which were smaller than they were the last time he remembered seeing them and at his guardian’s face. Wei didn’t really differ much in terms of looks for all the years he had known him, but he did look relatively younger and taller too, or rather, he was shorter._

_‘That’s right. I remember this.’_

_He had already lived through this day and his mind had brought him here again in a last ditch effort. Rightfully so, for it was a day imprinted heavily on his mind and though he had not thought of it for a long time the details began to flow naturally to him like he was rereading an old book. He recalled what Wei said exactly as the old man pulled him up._

_“That was a commendable effort, Young Master, but you moved a little too hastily and put your feet too close to each other. This made it easy for me to sweep them. Remember to always keep your structure stable, Master Xiao Lang.”_

_Syaoran looked down in disappointment at his mistake. He had been keeping track of his progress at martial arts and he had definitely progressed from his earlier days when his movements were stiff, but occasionally he did make blunders like this which greatly irritated him. “Of course. That was careless of me. I won’t make stupid mistakes like that again.”_

_Wei smiled at him. “Do not be discouraged, young one. It is natural to make mistakes; it’s what makes us human. What matters is that we learn from them. That is the true measure of our abilities.”_

_Syaoran looked up at Wei and returned the smile. His guardian always did know the words to say whenever he felt discouraged. “Thank you, Wei.”_ _Syaoran dusted himself off and entered his combat stance. “I’m ready to go again.”_

_Wei complied and entered his own battle stance and both of them continued. Syaoran wasn’t sure how long they trained since he was always too caught up in the moment during their training sessions to notice the passing of time until Wei ended the session._

_“That should be enough for today, Master Xiao Lang. Your skills are improving finely. Just remember to never get lost in yourself in battle.” With that, Wei took a bow and ended the training session._

_“Thank you, Wei.”_ _Syaoran returned the bow. He grabbed a towel from a nearby rack to wipe off the sweat on his forehead and was taking a drink to rehydrate when he felt her presence. Even before she entered the room, he already knew that it was his mother. Instinctively, he put down his water bottle and stood upright in anticipation. Sure enough, a second after he did that the graceful form of Yelan Li entered the room wearing her official robes and hair with her hands in her sleeves._

_“Good evening, Mother.” Syaoran greeted on cue._

_“Good evening, Mistress.” Wei greeted with a more relaxed tone._

_“At ease, the both of you.” she replied coolly and turned her attention to Wei. “Training rather long today, are we?”_

_“Ah yes, I suppose so.” Wei rubbed the back of his head. “It’s solely my fault. I got a little carried away during our training. I’m sorry if I had kept him for too long.”_

_Yelan dismissed the apology. “It is fine. In fact, it is convenient for me. I was going to speak to Xiao Lang at this time anyway.” She turned to her son. “Xiao Lang, come with me.”_

_Syaoran jumped on the spot at the sudden command. “With all due respect, Mother, I am currently not presentable. I need to change my clothes first before dinner.”_

_“That will not be necessary.” Yelan replied. “I have already told the servants to serve dinner later for today. Right now, I wish to speak to you alone. Now come.”_

_“O-of course, Mother.” Syaoran excused himself from Wei and followed his mother as she made her way from the mansion interior to the garden. He remembered that he had felt more nervous with each step. A summon from his mother usually meant something serious and something which made her postpone dinner to talk to him alone must’ve been very serious. He wondered if he had done something to anger her and looked back at the past days to see if he had. All his thoughts ceased as she finally stopped at the edge of the garden veranda. He stopped as well just a few steps behind her. In the sky, the moon illuminated them both with it’s light and magic._

_Yelan turned around and Syaoran saw his mother in all her grace towering over him. He could see the face of his mother as it always was; calm, composed, with a stern gaze that never left whatever she was focusing on. However, something was different about her that day and it was only after looking back on it that he realized what it was._

_She had looked a little sad._

_He had of course not known this back then. Instead, he became more nervous as he suspected that she was mad with him. It was with both surprise and relief to him when she spoke the opposite._

_“Xiao Lang, you have been progressing well in your training. Your magic skills, though far from perfect, have been improving gradually and I have it on good word that you’re making similar progress in your martial arts.”_

_It took him a moment to figure out that she was praising him. “T-Thank you, Mother.” he replied hastily. His mother wasn’t an overly harsh person and gave credit when it’s due, but it was rare for her to actually praise someone. The gesture was so unexpected that he didn’t know how to react._

_“But you have only begun a very small part of the journey to the world of magic and magic can be very unpredictable. It is ever-changing and can lead you to unexpected or even dangerous paths.”_

_“Okay…” The sudden grimness of her tone and serious shift in conversation sapped away all his previous excitement. He began to feel that there was something around the corner that she was leading up to._

_Yelan shifted and took out her hands from inside her sleeves. It was then that Syaoran could see that she was clutching something in her right hand. It was a black round orb with red string running through it. The orb dangled from her hand as she clutched it by the string._

_“Do you know what this is?”_

_Syaoran looked at the object. To the naked eye, it was just another object but he knew as soon as he saw it that it was more than what it seemed. He could sense the inherent magic within it and immediately connected it to what he’d learned. “It’s a key, a magic item condensed within a compact form.”_

_His mother’s nod confirmed his answer. “Do you know how it works?”_

_“Yes. A magic user forms a contract with it first. Once a contract is formed, the magic user can unlock it’s power and use it’s true form to channel their magic.” It was an overly simplified answer, one that he had copied straight out from the magical textbooks he read, but the only one that came at the time. Still, the answer satisfied his mother even if at the time his understanding was limited._

_“I’ve created this key for you, Xiao Lang.”_

_He was stunned at her words. She had shocked him left and right that he hadn’t known whether to say thank you or stay silent. He opted for the latter and rightly so, because his mother hadn’t finished._

_“This item will assist you in your journey to become a magician, but it is incomplete in it’s current state and requires living magic to stabilize it.”_

_She didn’t have to say anything more for him to know she meant his magic. Syaoran nodded in understanding and looked again at the object dangling from his mother’s hand. He was a child of few desires but never had something looked so appealing to him. Excitement filled his heart as he reached out his hand to it._

_“Do you know what taking this item means, Xiao Lang?”_

_The question instilled doubt in him and his hand retreated back to his side. He wanted to say that he did, but whatever he had thought up didn’t seem like what his mother meant so he shook his head._

_“It means choosing to walk on the path of magic. If you take this, you accept that you will knowingly embark on this path through whatever hardships it may give you. This object will help you along the way, but you must make the choice to walk the way first. That is the contract required.” She outstretched her hand fully and dangled the key in front of him. “So I ask you Li Xiao Lang, are you prepared to do that?”_

_His initial reaction had been surprise. After all, what would be the point of teaching him magic if not preparing him for being a mage? He’d always thought of one day being a mage that would best serve his Clan. It never occurred to him to be anything else._

_His second thought was that he had been tested to see if he would reject the gift given to him. It wasn’t above her mother to do so, yet he didn’t really have any reason to. Syaoran looked up at his mother who stayed silent in waiting. Normally, he would feel pressure from her gaze when presented with a test but at that time her eyes were soft and patient even if her expression remained stoic. She was simply waiting for his answer._

_And answer he did, not with words but action. He raised his hand slowly at first but began to move faster as his hand approached the item. His mother reacted immediately and released her grip on the red string. However, the key stayed afloat in the air as he closed in on it.  He could feel it’s magic pulsing stronger as it reacted to his own magic until his hand tingled with the sensation. Fear and nervousness were racking within him, but his excitement trumped them._

_And then he grabbed it._

_The reaction was instantaneous. The key emitted a white light followed by a strong discharge of magical energy which sent dust flying in all directions. At the same time, his magic circle appeared below his feet. He felt the magic in his hands pulsating wildly and his own magic spiked uncontrollably which made him panic. His young mind pondered whether he had done something wrong and he was about to loosen his grip out of fear when his mother spoke up._

_“Stay calm. It is reacting to you, trying to recognize you. Take control of your energy.”_

_Syaoran did as he was told. He reaffirmed his grip on the string and took control of the magic he was channeling out to a steady level. As he did that, the light and force from where his hand touched the key decreased in intensity._

_“Now, reach out to it. Don’t try to dominate it but let your magic work with it. It’s true form will then be revealed to you.”_

_He followed the instruction and channeled his magic steadily into the object. At first, his magic couldn’t mix with it and both of them stayed separate like oil and water, like it was still trying to recognize him. Then, he felt both powers gradually melding, swirling into each other. He closed his eyes and concentrated harder. He could see both his power and the key’s, both a rainbow of indescribable colors similar to each other yet also distinctly different. He poured more of his magic into the key and melded more of it into the key’s power. It wasn’t long till the colors began to blur together until finally they were the same hue. There were no longer two magical energies. Rather, he could feel the key’s power had become an extension of his own. The colors in his mind then began to shape into a white outline of the key’s true form, which he recognized immediately._

_Syaoran poured his magic into the shape and the energy in his hand finally became something more tangible as it began to take shape into something solid. He could feel his hand gripping something with weight. A moment later, he felt the texture of metal in his grip as the weight in his hand solidified._

_‘This is it.’_

_A final push of magic completed the picture and the key let out one final burst of magic before it dissipated, leaving behind silence in it’s wake. At the same time, the image disappeared from his mind. In it’s place was now something solid in his hand and he slowly opened his eyes to see it._

_It was more beautiful than what he had imagined. It’s black grip which felt at home in his hand which led to a yellow decorated guard reminiscent of a lotus opening it’s petals and out of it, a sharp blade extended forward glistening with the magical residue of it’s summoning and the moonlight’s reflection. He relaxed his hand from it’s upright grip to examine it closer, letting go of the decorative tassel that was it’s compact form. All of it’s components blend together to create the most stunning sword he had ever laid eyes on to this day. He swung it slowly a few times to feel it’s weight in his hands._

_“Of course, you will be trained on how to use it as a weapon. I’ll make arrangements with some trainers I trust to teach you swordsmanship. However, I’ll be teaching you how to use it to channel your magic.” Syaoran who was still too overwhelmed by everything barely registered her comment. “With this, you have taken your first step in becoming a magician. This sword represents everything that you are. Use this power wisely, my son. Always remain true to yourself and strength will always follow.”_

_Feelings of excitement, joy and gratitude welled up inside him. Syaoran put the sword down and bowed to her wholeheartedly. “Thank you, Mother!”_

_Yelan didn’t reply but gave a nod instead. “You’ll have to put the sword away for dinner. Returning it to it’s dormant state is simple enough; all you have to do is drain it of it’s magic.”_

_“Oh, of course.” He had completely forgotten about that. Syaoran closed his eyes again and mentally pulled the magic within the sword back. The grip gradually lost tangibility until finally all he clutched was the string. He put the key in his pocket and walked to follow his mother back into the house…_

_***_

_…and returned back to darkness._

_He looked at the swirling emptiness around him. The memory had run it’s course, but he had seen what he needed to see._

_‘I remember.’ That night he had made a promise to walk in the path of a magician through whatever hardship he encountered. He made a pact to walk in the path of magic and serve the Clan, only…_

_… only she had never said anything about serving the Clan. She had only said to always be true to himself. He had simply assumed that acting in service to the Clan was implied to be part of the deal. Did that mean his service to the Clan had no meaning? Was it just simply a meaningless obligation?_

_‘No., it wasn’t.’ he replied defiantly. ‘I did everything they asked of me without hesitation because I believed in the Li Clan, and I still do. It was my path as a magician.’ The darkness began to subside as a glow emanated from him. ‘Everything I’ve done so far, I didn’t do it simply out of obligation but because I wanted to. Even when everything felt hard, I never doubted that I wasn’t being myself. I am a part of the Li Clan and the Clan is a part of me.’_

_And just like that, something clicked within him and he found his answer. The glow grew into a shining  spark that cut through the darkness as Syaoran reaffirmed everything that he was. He was Syaoran Li; the only son of Yelan Li, the little brother of three sisters, a friend to Sakura Kinomoto whom he loved, and a part of the Li Clan. He was every one of these things and more. Anyone who would try to take anyone of these things away from him…_

_***_

The clang echoed throughout the court and stunned the onlookers into silence. Fang Zhi, who had turned around to exit the training area, stopped dead in his tracks and stayed still for a moment before slowly turning his head towards the source of the sound behind him; a boy who had plunged his sword to the ground.

“Not… yet.”

Clutching the grip of his sword tightly, Syaoran pushed himself up back up on his two feet. The creaking pain from his body threatened to make him fall but he managed to find his balance. Now standing upright, Syaoran removed his sword from the ground and put up his guard.

“We’re not done yet.”

Fang Zhi looked at him, annoyance visible in his eyes. “Your persistence is getting on my nerves, boy. Quit, or you’ll get more than just a few bruises.”

Syaoran ignored the threat. “I still have enough strength left to fight.”

“Oh?” Fang Zhi grinned mockingly. “And what do you have left to fight for?”

“Myself.” Syaoran replied.

Fang Zhi let out a mocking laugh. “You’re really dense, aren’t you? I told you; you’ve already lost. There is no situation where you get anything. All I need to do is to give my report and-”

“It doesn’t matter.” Syaoran cut off.

The response removed the delight from Fang Zhi’s face and replaced it with an angry, puzzled expression.

 “You can tell the Elders whatever you want to and they can give their punishments, but whatever you or the Elders can do will change one fact; that I am a Li. Even if I were kicked out of the Clan, I am and always will be Xiao Lang Li.”

“Tsch!” The fiery anger had begun to return to Fang Zhi’s eyes. “Now you resort to standing on false pride. Pretty words, boy, but in the end they’re just hollow words. ”

“I agree.” Syaoran replied. “Words are nothing without action, so I’ll prove once and for all that I am worthy of the name given to me and of my place in the Li Clan. Not for you, the Elders or anyone else, but for myself.”

Fang Zhi laughed and turned away from him. “Find someone else to play your little games, boy. You’ve already proven your lack of worth to me.” With that, Fang Zhi walked back to exit the court.

“I’ve never questioned your rage before.” Syaoran suddenly began. “I’ve always assumed it was simply your nature, that you were just simply tough on others so I accepted that.” Fang Zhi kept on walking as he continued. “But after what you told me today, I see now that it was something else.”

Fang Zhi stopped on his tracks but didn’t turn around. Nonetheless, Syaoran continued. “Each time we train, you push me harder and harder hoping that I would break, that I would give up and to tell you the truth, I almost did. It seemed that no matter what I did, I never seemed to be able to reach your expectations.” Syaoran took a step forward and stood upright. “But that was because you wanted me to fail, to give up and I didn’t and it bothers you.”

Fang Zhi’s sword stirred visibly as the hand clutching it grew tighter which goaded Syaoran to continue. “It bothers you that no matter what you do, I will never stop, because that means that all your effort to break me was for nothing.” Syaoran clutched his sword tightly and focused at his opponent.

“It would mean that you’ve lost.”

There was a quick blur of movement and then Fang Zhi was facing him again with two outstretched fingers, an expression of fury on his face. In the next second, lightning shot forth immediately followed by a thunderous boom as it headed straight towards him. At the same time, Syaoran produced his casting paper from his pocket and went through the motions; he threw the paper in the air, braced his sword in front of him and felt his magic flowing through him as the paper landed on his guard. Energy loaded in him clearly as Fang Zhi’s lightning came closer at him.

“God of Thunder, answer my call!”

All the built up energy in flowed without resistance and came forward as a yellow streak of lightning which shot forward to mean it’s opposition. Both energies collided in a show of light and electricity before exploding and sending clouds of dust in all directions. Syaoran felt a tingling feeling left by the flow of magic in his arms. It was a hot sensation but it didn’t burn him but felt strangely pleasant. He embraced the feeling as the dust settled, revealing the shocked faces of the audience and the more satisfying look of surprise on Fang Zhi’s face.

That’s right. He was Syaoran Li; the only son of Yelan Li, the little brother of three sisters, a friend to Sakura Kinomoto whom he loved, and a part of the Li Clan. He was every one of these things and more. Anyone who would try to take anyone of these things away from him…

…will have to face him.

Syaoran  clutched his sword and put up his guard. “Let’s go.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this took WAY too long to update. I tried to make progress every now and then but time is currently a luxury I don't have to much of. Still, a little bit of progress is still better than none so that's this chapter done. I'll work to release the nest one faster. As always, let me know what you think in the comments.


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